Originally Posted by drawn&quartered
yay I'm #1
and are those semen droplets?
They're whatever you want them to be
Well, assuming the thing you want them to be resembles a squiggly "d & q".
Your father should be very proud; his sperms are faster than God's by at least 24 hours. I bet he could cum through the eye of a needle at fifty paces. Unless, of course, his sperms were of normal speed/accuracy and your mother's ovum was set hotter than PST's oven when he's defrosting TV dinners at his restaurant, thus speeding up the gestation period. Whatever the case may be, D&Q 1, God 0.
It must suck having a birthday the day before Christmas. I'm guessing everyone gives you the old "you can't have presents for two separate occasions which are one day apart!" excuse. Plus the two biggest events in your calender are essentially one; you were gonna get drunk on Christmas eve anyway, you know?
You should start a new tradition of having your birthday celebration the week before or after the Christmas festivities begin. Or just arbitrarily choose a date close to the summer for your birthday and keep the 24th of December date for official documentation and job applications.
Fuck, it just ticked over to Christmas as I was typing this. Well, it may be Jesus' birthday now but I'll be thinking of you as I munch on my mother's sticky mince pies (ha).