...and it is Chris "I Am Chris Rezendes" Rezendes.

The story of Chris Rezendes, or Big Daddy Chris to his minions, is as fascinating as it is long and perilous - like his penis, which serves as an apt metaphor for all of the above. Being born of woman he immediately humbled himself by becoming a lowly human like the rest of us instead of landing on Earth in a spaceship shaped like a pirate's hat which he could have done if he had so chosen, and is often likened to Christ for that and many other reasons, which include his kindness, mercy and fine selection of sandles. His childhood was fraught with misery, sadness and...misery. Misery which he overcame with grace and an infinite well of forgiveness for those who had wronged him, thus catapulting him ever upwards towards the peak of Mount Awesomeness.

Later in life his greatness would be forever woven into the very fabric of our history and culture. For instance, his witnessing the JFK assassination immediately thrust him into the public consciousness.

http://img268.imageshack.us/img268/4510/jfk.jpg

Soon after the assassination he got information via his psychic powers that Oswald was gonna be eliminated by the real killers, and that if he wanted to have one last jamming session with him and his band, The Cuban Heels, it'd have to be NOW. Not wanting to alter the course of history by actually saving Oswald (he was also clairvoyant, and saving Oswald would have had the knock-on effect of starting World War III and thus ending the human race) he instead rocked like only he could.

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/8995/oswaldk.jpg

Being an athlete of superhuman proportions Big Daddy Chris was an obvious choice to be awarded the task of conquering outer space, and with the help of a ragtag band of mavericks he made it a reality.

http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/8692/moonlanding.jpg

Politics was something Big Daddy Chris never really got involved with, but when the Berlin wall required removal in order to unite a torn society, his hulking throbbing loving peace-mallet drove a hole right through the heart of tyranny.

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/4030/berlinwall.jpg

The moon landing wasn't BDC's only outlet for his athletic prowess; his black belt in fisticuffs earned him a place in boxing history with the now legendary Rumble in the Jungle bout.

http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/170/alicqg.jpg

As if clobbering that guy wasn't enough to show the world how unstoppable he is, he did one final battle which would put an end to the chatter that he was anything but a black Chuck Norris - by beating up the white Chuck Norris.

http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/5800/brucem.jpg

And so ends this much-abridged version of the Life and Times of Big Daddy Chris "I Am Chris Rezendes" Rezendes, Ph.D.

Copyright 2009, Paddy "Unfortunately For Me, I Am Not Chris Rezendes" McMullan.

And now, a birthday gift to my mentor and role model - pictures of animals and such:

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 |
| 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |

A further birthday gift for Big Daddy Chris: Irishmen having violence inflicted upon their persons. I know you'll enjoy this on many levels, if not for the laughably pathetic fighting skills then for the vast amounts of blood pouring from their spud-munching, work-shy faces towards the end of the event.

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI

Enjoy

...My God Paddy.








As in, My God: Paddy.

Holy fuck.




have a good one Chris

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Paddy has way too much time on his hands, methinks!

And Chris doesn't deserve this thread by virtue of being a huge, hulking, saggy, ejaculating cunt.

That said, happy birthday!

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Happy Birthday man! Have a good one


Quite a few birthdays this month, aren't there?

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HAIL CHRIS

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See what happened when he wasn't distracted? lol Paddy, you need to start drinking. Or take some downers. You're worrisome.

A great big happy birthday, BDC. I still can't figure out how you're 25 and were so old at the JFK assasination that interrupted my cartoon watching when I was little!

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BDC operates outside of time and space, everyone knows that. Everyone except YOU.

HA!

happy bday love muffin

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Have a good one! You transcend man.

paddy, you're a fuckin nut


happy birthday chris, my favorite dark skinned person

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Hoooly jeeeesus

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Have a good one rezezeezezendres!

I agree, but its all good of course.

other than that happy bday chris

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First, LOL @ Paddy's work.

Secondly, Chris is the man. Happy Birthday you Black/White/Hispanic or whatever the fuck you are.

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Haha wow, I've seen alot of those videos, but I've never seen one that goes on that long. The fighting skills are pretty pathetic, but they still messed each other up quite a bit haha. Those matches are illegal, aren't they?

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yes, i do really mean it in the best way possible haha

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I think the fight lasted an hour or something ridiculous like that. Determined wee fuckers haha.

It's illegal, but with the recent surge in potato-related sex crimes I doubt the cops are spending too much time worrying about these half-baked, premature foetuses slapping each other silly with their malformed flipper-hands.

Haha

I'm sure people bet on those fights too. Why do they fight so shitty though? Christ, when I was in high school I saw 13 and 14 year olds fight better than that haha.

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Chris is like Fes on That 70's Show.

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I prefer to think of him as the Vin Diesel of the non-bald twat world.

Haha

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LOL paddy...

Happy Fucking Birthday, Chris!

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that was freaking intense. happy birthday ass!

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That is very extremely true. EVERYTHING that follows in this post is even truer, if possible; like an athlete giving his proverbial 198%, the unquoted section of post is even truer than pure, unadulterated truth. In other words, it's very extremely astoundingly impressively true.

My peeps really got a kick out of the pics, the unanimous favorite (as you may well have predicted) being the Berlin Wall. Nice work, Paddy. You love you some MS Paint and I love watching you love you some MS Paint.

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The Truth requires no illumination from a mere mortal such as myself, but it's the only way I could bask in your light of infinite brightness and steal a few beams of warm awesomeness for myself. Thank you, Chris. Thank you for your warm, pulsating, penetrating shaft. Of light.

Not for nothing, but that beam of vibrant, pulsating, quivering light can penetrate even the deepest, darkest place where the sun dares not shine. As gently or as roughly as is needed.

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Greatest bday thread ever (next to Richard's for my ex from 6 years ago) for the Greatest Dark Cunt ever.

Have a good one, Chris!

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This is the calibre of fighter one gets when one feeds one's warriors on a diet of blight-infested potatoes, cabbage soup and Jackie Chan movies, not to mention making sure said warriors are the offspring of a 12-year-old girl with a weak uterus and her syphilitic grandfather. The thinner of the two fighters looks like he has McDowns Syndrome, but I can't be sure until I get my hands on his case files. Poor lil' bastard probably doesn't even comprehend the fact that he's just spent an hour getting bloodied up for nothing more than a whiskey bottle full of blue M&Ms and another set of dressings for his mother's weeping back sores.

Did you notice their little 3/4 size arms? It's like their hands were chopped off, and somehow the wrist section was lost at some point when they were being reattached. And you know what else? The partially-formed one (you know the one I mean) actually looked like his face had more definition and humanity at the end of the fight. What a fucking shame. I feer solly for his madda.

And my tanning salon of an interior stands as testament to that fact. I didn't think you'd be able to traverse my U-bend of Unreachable Darkness, but sure enough, you slam-dunked that bulbous lightening bolt right into my central command structure, withdrew, and then bathed my chest in your warmest, whitest enlightenment. In the end I had to trim my chest hairs with scissors because simply peeling off the remnants of your still-pulsing light emissions would be like trying to pull chewing gum out of a moustache - painful, and implicitly homosexual.

Did you get up to much for your birthday? I masturbated furiously for the 24 hour period in your honour, and am starting the inevitable and arduous penile skin graft treatment this week in preparation for next year.

Got a link to this infamous b'day thread you speak of? Sounds like it's worth a read!

Hahahahaha

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