A gay guy came into his doctor's office and said,
"Doc, I think I've got VD."

"From whom?" asked the doctor.

"How should I know? You think I've got eyes in the back of my head?"

***
The chief bosun's mate took advantage of any opportunity to bully the crew. When they returned to port it was time to paint the boat, and the mate had a fine time shouting down at the hapless sailors suspended over the side.
"Milligan," he bawled at one unfortunate, "you paint like I fuck!"

"I see, sir," said Milligan, looking up. "Did I get it on my face?"

***

A cross-dresser was hitchhiking through the Outback and managed to get a ride from a mean-looking trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence, the cross-dresser finally said,
"Well, aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask ya what?" replied the trucker.

"If I'm a man or a woman," The cross-dresser answered.

"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "Gonna rape ya anyway."

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A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him : "Daddy, what's Sex?". "OK" he thinks "This day was bound to come, and I am not going to let my little princess learn about Sex from the streets" So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs . He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet dreams.

Then she asks: "Daddy, what is "A Couple"?.

And he carries on :a couple are the two people involved in the sex, but this can be two males also, where they penetrate from the ass, or two females which we call lesbians, where they use the tongue on the vagina..., and goes on to describe masturbation, oral sex, group sex, pornography, bondage and rape, pedophilia, sex toys etc...

The father finally asks:
"So why did you want to know about "a couple" and "Sex" ?

"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

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A straight guy, a gay guy, and a hillbilly were driving down a dirt road when they saw a sheep that was caught in a fence, with it's ass end facing out towards them.
The straight guy looks at the sheep and says, "damn, I wish that was Cindy Crawford."
The gay guy looks at the sheep and says, "damn, I wish that was Leonardo DiCaprio."
The hillbilly looks at the sheep and says, "damn, I wish it was dark!"

a truck driver was driving an 18-wheeler full of black bowling balls from alabama into georgia. on the way two black men were in need of a ride into georgia, so the driver told them to get in the back. when they got to the state line, several state patrol officers were checking all the trucks that passed through. one of them looked in the back and told the guy to turn around and go back into alabama. confused, he did what the man told him. after he left, another officer asked him what that was all about and he said, "hes got a bunch of nigger eggs in the back, and 2 of them have already hatched."

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,

"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. . .perhaps it's about time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Then he blushed and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin.......perhaps its noo about time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin...perhaps its about time you let me poot ma hand oon your laig."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed and the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Wahl, nouh," he said, "my thoughts war a bit moor ser'ous this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

"An' wha' wus tha'?" she asked.

"Ye owes me three pennies ye tight bitch"

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Two gays got into a heated argument, with one of them saying,

"Well, you can kiss my ass!"

The other one blurted out, "This is no time to talk about romance, Bitch!"
******
The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he suddenly said,

"Hey! You wanna see my underwear?"

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

She glanced down and said, "Nice design ... does it come in men's sizes?"
******
A black guy walks into a bar in the deep south and asks the bartender for a drink.

Bartender says, "Sorry nigger, we don't serve your kind here! There's another bar about ten minutes down the street."

So the black guy promptly leaves.

A short time later, another black guy enters the bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender says, "Hey nigger! We don't serve your type here. There's another bar about 10 minutes down the street that serves your type!"

So the second black guy leaves and heads for the other bar.

A short time later, Olympic sprinter Ben Johnson walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender says, "Jesus Christ! We don't serve your type here, but there's another bar about 10 minutes down the street."

Ben Johnson can't believe what he's hearing and says to the bartender, "Do you know who the hell I am? I'm Ben Johnson!"

The bartender says, "Mr. Johnson! So sorry I didn't recognise you. It should only take you about 5 minutes then."

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A 16 year daughter shows up in the house really late after her first date. Her angry mother asks her where the hell she's been all night.

"Mom, I think I am in love!"

"What do you mean, it was your first date!"

"Yeah, but I sucked his dick and then he fucked me in the ass."

"That's not love, my little one, that's lust. When you first get fucked in the ass and then suck his dick - that's love!"

********

It's 8pm at night and the whorehouse receptionist is surprised to see a big Jewish momma walking in, dragging her young son with her.

"I need a girl!" she bellows "She's got to be taller than 6 ft. and weigh no more than 100 lbs."

So the receptionist, puzzled as all shit, checks her into Twiggy's room, a tall, lithe young lady.

"I'm here for your pleasure," she says.

"What do you weigh and how tall are you?" the mother snaps.

She replies, "Uh, 6'2 and 97 lbs."

"Perfect," she says. "Now take off all your clothes."

As she does this, the mother grabs the boy and makes him look straight at the whore and says...

"Now Hymie, do you see what you're going to look like if you don't finish your dinner like your momma tells you????"

******

Three pregnant women are sitting chatting and knitting sweaters for their expected kids.

The first one says "I hope that I have a baby boy, because I'm knitting a blue sweater."

The second says " Well I hope that I have a girl because I'm knitting a pink sweater."

The third woman says "I hope my kid is a spastic, because I've fucked up the arms."

******

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Here's an especially offfensive one.

Q: What did the retard get for Christmas?

A: Cancer.

WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: Would she use my golf clubs?
MAN: No, she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Shit.

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A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been
kept for 15 years.
As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a
chair,ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison,and has not seen a woman in years. If he wants sex,don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong,honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "I am glad you think that way. Sure, he has not seen a woman in years, but he was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."

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Two People Are Having Sex, And The Man Sugests Anal Sex. the Girl Says OK. So The Man turns Her Over, And Pushes In Slightly, And The Girl Screams *It Hurts* So The Man Takes Some Lube, And Pushes A bit More, And Again The Girl Screams *It Hurts*, So the Man Squirts Some More Lube, And Pushes In Again, The Girl Screams Out *Stop Please, The Pain Is Excruciating* The Man Stops And Says *Excruciating, Thats A big Word For A 5 Year Old*

that joke reminds of me of the one, this one guy said (kinda big, big stubble, dirty fingernails, looked like a crackhead), he started off his sentence with "so i was balls deep in this 9 year old, right, and...." and it was funny comin' from him.

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A large, powerfully built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" By this point, she is aching for action.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

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i saw this on The Critic
Orson Welles is doing a commercial for peas, he's sitting behind a table, with a big bowl of peas on it. This is what he says, "Try Johnsonvilles peas, they're full of rich country goodness and green pea-ness"
(might have to say it aloud to get it)
and then he says, "What is this, a joke? I don't deserve this. I'm leaving. [stands up from his chair and starts leaving]. Aaah heck, i'll take some for the road [grabs a handful of peas from the bowl]"

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in an elevator
from the 14th floor to the lobby. The redhead notices a spot
on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain."
The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a
cum stain," she says. The blonde leans over and tastes the spot,
then says, "Well, it's nobody from this building."

******

How can you tell if a guy is half-black & half-Polish?

He's away running down the street carrying your motorbike.

******

How do you tell if you've had a really good night of oral sex?

You wake up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out
of your mouth.

******

"Doctor, I need your help," the woman says.
"What seems to be the problem?"
"My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?"
"Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?"
"Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!"
"Er ... Why don't you take a lover?"
"I have! I still don't get enough."
"Take another lover."
"I did. In fact, I have eight lovers - and I still don't get enough sex!"
"Gosh, that's an anomaly."
"Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!"

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Q: What do you do if a pretty girl sits on your hand?

A: Try to get her off.

George Bush and Pervez Musharraf are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that George and Pervez?" The barman says "Yep, thats them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are u guys doing?"
And George Bush says, "We're planning war against Afghanistan"

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

And Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."

And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"

So Bush turns to Musharraf and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Afghans!"

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FAT RECYCLE!

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whats worse then 15 babies in one mailbox?

1 baby in 15 mailboxes



whats worse then swinging a baby by a rope?

stopping it with a shovel


whats small and baby shaped and can't turn around in hallways..?

a baby with a javelin through its head

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What do you get when you light babie's on fire and throw them down a staircase?

An erection.

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

***

Why did God invent lesbians?
So feminists wouldn't breed.

***

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One day a mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

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fuck, those are some good jokes, sane. keep em' coming!

Ok,

Two tampons are walking down the street, as they pass the bank, the bank manager, walks out of the buildings to greet the to tampons ''Good afternoon, your looking lovely today''..the tampons just ignored the bank manager and walked on..then the walked into the pub..sat down..and a couple of minutes later, a waitress came up to them and said, ''would you like a drink tampons?'' the tampons turned there head and didnt say anything..so the waitress went up to the bartender and asked ''Whats a matter with those two?'' he replyed ''Oh..there both stuck-up cunts''

two nuns were having a discusion, and one nun says, "Today a man tried to rape me. He chased me down an alley, so I lifted my skirt and guess what he did? He pulled down his pants to his ankles." The other nun said, "What happened?" The nun replies, "Well, who do you think could run faster? A woman with her skirt up or a man with his pants down."

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?

A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.

__________________

What do you call a period?

A bloody waste of fucking time.

***

Q: Why do women take longer than men to reach orgasm?

A: Who cares?

***

Q: How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A: Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

***

Q: What's considered foreplay in Arkansas?

A: When the man says, "Brace yourself, Sis."

***

AND FINALLY, MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE: (use this on someone)

I heard a joke that's so funny you'll laugh your tits off!.... Oh...You've already heard it.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHH! KILL WHITE PEOPLE!

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how do you get a polish woman pregnant?
---cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

so a man walks into the bar, and he says, "OUCH!"

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A bunch of blondes are in a car and on vacation, so theyre on there way to florida...as they came up a to a crossroads the sign said, Miami right, Los angeles forward, and Florida left..so they thought..fuck!...and turned around and drove back home

*****************************************************************

Q:Whats the height of sound?!

A:Two skeletons shagging on a tin roof

a man and a woman meet in a bar. after a few drinks, the chemistry seems to be just right, so the woman asks the man if he would like to come to her place. the man agrees, and they leave the bar.
after cuddling and kissing and getting rid of their clothes, the woman asks if man would like to do 69. man looks surprised and asks: "what is it?". woman replies "let's start doing it and you'll find out". so they get in the position, everything seems to be right... and the woman accidentally lets loose a big, fat fart right in the mans face.
he jumps up, curses, starts to get dressed and plans to leave. the woman apologises, tries to calm him and says, that they should give it just another shot, cause she know's that he'll like it. after some time the man finally agrees. so, they get in the position, everything seems to be right...and another big loud fart from the woman.
the man jumps up, totally pissed off, swearing and gathering his clothes. woman again starts to talk how 69 is really good and that they should try it again.
man stares her: "you crazy bitch, are you trying to convince me that i should let you to do this again for the rest 67 times?"

btw, this thread is really entertaining

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a "pickup line":

man: If you went camping and the next morning you woke up with a condom inside of you, would you tell anyone?
woman: Uh, no.
man: Wanna go camping?

Ok, so theres this woman that has NO arms and NO legs... and she is always sitting on the beach. She talks to men that walk by... they usually hold good conversations until she asks "you know, ive never been fucked before, can you fuck me?"... the men then turn and walk away in disgust. So one day, the arlmess and legless woman was sitting there on the beach as usual... she starts talking to a man... as you could have guessed, the question comes up, "ive never been fucked before, could you fuck me?"... the man thinks for a second and then shrugs... he then picks her up and tosses her in the ocean and hollers out "youre fucked now arent ya!?"

__________________

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When
it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,
she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling,I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his
wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the telephone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

__________________

hahahaha, heres one


A teacher was tellig the class about an upcoming test, and she tells them that no one's to miss the test and she wouldnt take any excuses unless of course they were in an accident or something else serious. Well then a smart-alecky boy asks: "What if I suffer from sexual exhaustion?" And so the teacher replies:"You'll have to write with your other hand"

__________________

that reminds me of a dude I knew. I work in a restaurant and so there's quite a few carts sitting around. There was one particularly tight spot, and as one of the cooks carefully guiding a cart through it, I heard him mutter, "tight as a ten-year-old...."

anyway, best pickup line I've ever heard: Hey, I'm a bird-watcher and I'm looking for a large-breasted bedthrasher...

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Yeah ive heard that but the other way round, the male was into the baked beans, its still a classic joke tho.
******************************************************************
Ok this is quite a long one

So its 2 days before juniors birthday, and he still doesent know what he wants for a present..that night he was upstairs watching some late night tv film, with a ''Prostitute'' ...junior gets aroused by the hot blonde woman waiting to fuck some bloke..turns the tv off, and waits till the next morning,

In the morning junior comes thundering down the stairs ''DADDY DADDY, I KNOW WHAT I WANT!''

Whats that son?

I want a prostitute!!!! yeah!

The father thinks to himself..and replies...oh well go on then. and picks up the phone to order a prostitute for the next day..

Next day comes and the doorbell rings..junior yelps ''ILL GET IT ILL GET IT'' opens the door looks up at her and smiles...''hi im junior..im going to do you!''..

The prossy looks confused and asks the father for a correction..the father replies, ''nope this is juniors birthday present, you will have to carry on with the procedure''...the prossy looks blank.......so the father slips her some extra money and...she goes on with it..........

So juniors like..''daddy!! daddy!! what do i do now?!''

The father replied: take her upstairs!

So junior climbs the staircase with his arm wrapped around the prossys leg

Junior screams down the stairs: ''daddy daddy..now what do i do!!?!?

The father: Take her into your bedroom junior

Junior..: ok and now what?!

The father: ..christ! sit her on the bed and shove something in her pussy, she will like that..

*2 minutes later*

Daddy Daddy!! comes a muffled scream from upstairs!!

The father: what now junior?!?!?!?!?

Junior: I GOT MY HEAD STUCK!!!!

haha

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haha!!

no offense ment...with that said..

how come there were only 100,000 mexicans at the battle of the alamo?


that all they could fit in a truck

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A woman, after a string of bad relationships, decides to put an ad in the paper. she says "I want a man who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed." first man shows up, and after she find out that he was married a few times, she tells him that she is afraid he will leave her and she can't go out with him. the next guy shows up and after she talks with him for a while she finds out that he used to be a boxer and she says, "you might hit me" and that she can't go out with him. Well, on the third night, after she's given up all hope and is sitting there depressed, her doorbell starts ringing like crazy. ring ring ring ring ring ringring ring ring ring.....
she opens the door to find a man without arms or legs laying on the floor, and after she looks around, she sees no one else in the hallway that soulc have put him there.
he says. "I'm the perfect man for you. I got no arms, so I can't hit you and no legs so I can't beat you." She says "what about the good in bed part..." and he says "how the hell do you think I rang the doorbell?"

You all know what a perpetuum mobile is, don't you? And you all know that this can't exist.
You all know what's Murphy's law is, don't you? Ok, for some people: ~ what can go wrong, goes wrong. Example: If a bread with butter falls down, it'll fall onto the side with the butter. That's Murphy's law.
You all know, that cats fall everytime onto their feet.

Now you've got to put a piece of bread with butter onto the back of a cat, let it fall.
Ta daaaaa.......
You've got your perpetuum mobile. It'll move above the earth and it won't fall.

__________________

2 gay guys are in the bedroom. guy 1 says "no masturbating till i get back!" and goes to the bathroom. when he comes back theres semen on the wall and his partner has a sheepish grin on his face. guy 1 sez " i thought i said no masturbating till i got back" guy 2 sez " i didnt masturbate, i farted"


if you go to the gay football league, you'll walk in a tight end and come out a wide reciever.


how do you find out the sexual position for making ugly kids?
Ask your parents


pick up lines:
if you and i were squirrels, i could bust a nut in your hole

lets go play pearl harbor. thats where i lay back and you blow the hell outta me

if you were a car i could wax you and ride you all over town

guy: have i seen you somewhere before?
girl: yeah thats why i don't go there any more

a guy sent flowers to some one who was moving to florida for a job promotion. he also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. he found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. they sent the card to the guy who was moving that said "deepest condolences" and sent the card to the funeral home that said" i know that it's hot where your going but you deserve it"

your mamas so stupid that she tried to put M&M's and skittles in alphabetical order............LOL!!!!

__________________

LOL!!! GOOD ONE!!!

__________________

hehheh cool thread

how did the farmer find the sheep in the tall grass?

































very satisfying

this is a long one

a priest and his buddy are fishin' and the preist catches a hugeass fish. his buddies like "Damn! thats one huge sonofabitch!!" obviously the preist gets all offended but his buddie says "nahh thats what kind of fish it is the'sonofabitch fish'. the priest takes it to a nun later and says "Check out this sonofabitch i caught" obviously she gets pissed, but he explains himself and the fishes name, and asks her to gut and clean the fish for the bishop to cook. she runs into the bishop later shows him the sonofabitch fish, and he gets offended, she explains and he cooks it good.....
later that night the preist, nun, and bishop have dinner with the pope. the priest is like "yeah i caught that sonofabitch" the nun, "and i gutted and cleaned that sonofabitch" the bishop, "and i cooked that sonofabitch good" the pope looks at all three of them and says
"You know what??, you fuckers are alright"

this thread is fun!

__________________

Whats the diffrence between a Priest and Acne?







Acne dosen't come on a boy untill hes 13. (Also works with Micheal Jackon)

__________________

Why are Barbers never late too work?


Cos they know all the short cuts!

__________________

How do you make a woman scream twice?
Fuck her up the ass and then wipe it on the curtains.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.

What do you call four black guys in a car?
Organized crime.

What do you call one white with four black guys?
Mugged.

What do you call one white guy with ten black guys?
Coach

What do you call one white guy with fifty black guys?
Boss.

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if two balck men throw themselves off a building, which one lands first?
Who cares?


============
there is this guy driving around in his new ferrari with his girlfriend. he tells her, if i reach 200, you take all you clothes off. she agreed and he finally reached 200. the guy was all distracted that he didn't see a curve coming and the went all the way donw to the canyon.

as the car went rolling, the girl flew off and the guy stayed in the car. once they were at the bottom , the guy tells the girl, " go ask for help". she replies, " i can't, i naked". he said " take my show and cover your pussy with it, and cover your tits with your hand.
so he grabbed the show and starting running along the curve. right away she spotted a gas station and went inside. she told the vendor, " help me, my boyfriend is stuck". the vendor looked at the shoe and said, " there's nothing i can do mem, he's too far in"

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this is a good one to use against anyone:

Q: what's the position for making an ugly baby?
A: have you asked your parents?

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oh you mean SHOE.

ok

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WHAHAHA

the shoe one is funny

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