All these years and this is my first. I feel 19 again.

Okay, your turn.

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I was in my late 40s when I lost my virginity. It was fucking great. She had a cunt the size of a mouse's ear. Granted she was a freshly aborted foetus, but shit, beggars can't be choosers.

Beggars can be choosers, as it happens. I asked a beggar if he wanted to shit in my mouth and he said "uhhh...nah mate". I asked another if she wanted to make sexitimes and she said "have a bath and we'll talk". Fucking bitch. I asked if it would be ok if I just sprayed my cock with Febreze and she agreed. Then I got her pregnant, aborted the foetus and fucked it. And here we are.

CUNT


Two RTT's in a row for me

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Sorry man, have a look at Paddy's post. He even managed to squeeze it into a context... kind of... which I honestly can't remember happening before.

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!HE FAILED!

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Oh SHIT! How could I not notice that?

Epic f4il.

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oh i didn't see the new RTT. dont have my glasses and my eye is all irritated so i can't put my contacts in, so i'm basically blind

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Do tell

using the internet pretty good for a blind fucker

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haha yeah well i have to be within 6 inches of the screen and i can't see the whole thing at once cause i'm so damn close.

fight story comin later, Paddy. Right now I'm going to go shit out all the alcohol i consumed last night

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Lean over here. I think you got something in your eye.

I knew a Marine Nam vet who'd put his glass eye in people's drinks. It had a skull and cross bones on it. His buddy would stick his finger in the socket and he'd yell RAPE!

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what a hardass, damn

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Can't stand fighting at bars especially while drinking...

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What he really means --Can't stand fighting at bars especially while losing...

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Yea, because I got in a huge fight one night taking up for a best friend of mine and a friend of his, his friend ran he got knocked out, apparently i was the only one left standing had to fight 3 guys alone, well was fighting one and 2 more guys jumped on me...really sucked luckly another good friend of mine was around (but wasn't with our group that night) saw me and we pretty much beat them back.

http://metaltabs.com/forum/showthre...2721#post562721

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See, this is what I keep saying, women are evil.

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Winds of Plague FTW, bitch.

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Evil you say? That's why I was out on the tractor mowing and picking up sticks in the yard while the ole man is off to a big biker rally (Louie Run) with about 5000 other people. I'm evil all right.

<- is more like it.


And no, he didn't wear his chaps for those of you who have the hots for my husband in them.

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My dad used to be a scout, and one of his co-scouts (?) was always in charge of the food, and when he came to serve the custard he'd let a thick skin form on it, then place his glass eye on top, and ask "anybody want the skin? No? Happy days!" and he'd gulp it down like so much congealed, rubbery semen.

I was a cub scout for all of 2 weeks. I was thrown out for trying to seduce the scoutmaster. Flirty cock-tease of a wanker, he was.

Wah wah wah...

I wasn't so lucky. Me and my dad got jumped at the bar last night by 5 guys for defending his friend (who didn't even help us), and with me having a broken arm, we didn't stand a chance. I gave it hell though. My knuckles are a little cut up so I must have done some damage. Ah well. I'd rather stand up and fight and lose, than to back out.

EDIT: Just heard that i broke the one dude's nose last night and he has two black eyes. So that puts them in a worse condition than us, so maybe it wasn't such a loss afterall

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Getting into a good fight is always a lot of fun, it would blow with a broken arm though. I wouldn't do it.

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haha I don't even think I'd start a fight with someone in a cast.. unless they really really deserved an ass kicking.

Ditto.

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it's been years since i've been in a fight...

...but i still have a few stories like most people lol

i remember one time in nottingham rock city my friends had fucked off (chatting up girls i suppose) & i was sitting at a table by myself just quietly drinking a beer & people watching when this guy came up to me & sat down & started talking to me i looked at him *shiver at thought* & asked him to move that i never told him to sit down so fuck off he wouldn't stop hassling me so i went to a bouncer & told him he just shrugged (fuckwit! not all of them are like that but this one was) he (bouncer) told me to do what i wanted so i did! lol at that time i was wearing at least 2 if not 3 rings on my fingers & thumbs (apart from ring finger left hand of course) so i went back & told this guy to fuck off he didn't he got cocky & asked what was i gonna do about it, so i told him to "get the fuck up " he didn't so i erm kinda dragged him up, knee-ed him in the balls & punched him in the jaw. lol the funny thing was that the bouncer picked up by the scruff of the neck & fucked him out! *flashes eye lashes* lol we went back the next night & one of the bouncers told me that his (the guy's jaw) was fractured & looked really fucked up! good was my reply.

it takes a lot to get me riled but when i do watch out! lol & i get this strength from somewhere

erm yeah morning all btw xxx

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You've harnessed the combined energy, knowledge and strength of each of your victims after you've tortured, killed and eaten them. Unfortunately one of your victims was a sex offender, which explains your unyielding obsession with fucking me via strapped-on appendages.

I really wish you'd just drop it, it's not gonna happen.

Seriously, don't come to my house with poppers and amyl nitrate-laced oranges wearing black rubber underwear studded with metal spikes - on the inside - because I'm definitely not gonna be home between 8pm & 10pm next Saturday, and my back door is definitely not gonna be left unlocked and I won't be in my room, bent over and greased up with margarine and Barry White won't playing in the background.

JUST LEAVE IT.

roflmao --takes notes to show the ole man..........I think I may have some of my old Barry White 45's. Is 4 minutes long enough?

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paddy i'm not interested in your weird stuffs besides i'm not a midget!! lol

& anyway lb seems interested in you maybe you should direct your attentions towards her??

(soz lb love ya really hun xx)

& all that besides the point i have a bf who is v protective of me

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Nah, bunny, I was thinking of my husband.

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Fuck sake, I said Barry White would be playing in the background, I didn't say I WAS Barry White.

4 minutes...I could squeeze in 6 to 8 wanks in that time, if you discount the 45 minutes of crying and leg cutting between each.

lol of course lb *hugs*

*shakes head* at paddy, i dunno whether to pity you or laugh at you!!

oh & i told my bf what you (paddy) said ages ago that you could take him on, his reaction was this:

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Paddy, I meant the songs last about that long! If it's a 45 then it's one song unless you count both sides, but that would require a flip over. And hopefully the spider wouldn't fall out or you'd have to reassemble, too. Might lose the mood.

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some men can last longer lb (than 4 minutes)

& awwwwww that's cute i'll have to remember that one

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No no, please, pity is great. My dad says it's the only form of affection I'm likely to receive from a woman, so pity away!

Your boyfriend?? Hasn't he admitted he's gay yet? Dear oh dear! Look, tell him that if he does want a genuine bout of fisticuffs that I am fucking absolutely unshakably determined to run like fuck. No one, I repeat NO ONE can hide like a McMullan. I can find a hiding place in an empty 4 x 4 room, honey-pies. Just try me. There'll be a Paddy-shaped cloud of dust and that'll be the last you see of me for at least an hour, either until your boyfriend gives up and goes and employs the services of a rent boy (which is what I'm assuming he does while you're browsing MetalTabs, fantasising about my ass and your 14" rubber cock with authentic pubic hair and realistic Jap's eye) or until I manage to attract the attention of a passer-by and claim that your boyfriend is trying to rape me and steal my wallet and fuck and rape me in the mouth and ass until I'm just a massive water-bed of spunk with no cash.

What a dirty disgusting bitch. You swan around here, acting like butter wouldn't melt in your...mouth, and you're dirtier than me! I've got all 3 of my eyes on you, woman. I'm onto you like a sack o' potatoes with a carrot poking out of it. I'm gonna bring down your empire of lies! I'll bring you down to Chinatown!

Your boyfriend lasts longer because he's queer and isn't attracted to you - a woman, allegedly. He could probably last for days if he was hooked up to an IV drip, just as long as he didn't think about Chuck Norris or Paddy McMullan too often thus causing him to blow his beans instantly.

A real man cums in under 3 minutes - it shows that he finds you sexy, and respects you enough to not keep you from your ironing duties for too long. It's a compliment!

a real man stands up to a fight & doesn't run away, esp if he is big enough to talk fighting talk then he should be big enough to stand by his fighting talk.

otherwise you're just all talk & a bullshitter!!! (imho)

pity you? you should be lucky paddy

paddy wtf do you mean "a woman, allegedly" ????????

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Paddy, I meant to flip over the record! Of course, some of those Barry White songs had extended versions - whatever that means.

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lb i took some pics of where i live when out for a walk earlier & i took pics of bluebells & surrounding area & of a horsey & then closer to home one of a mama horsey & her baby horsey & they posed!! am gonna upload them will provide linky if you wanna take a looky?

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At no point have I ever claimed to be a fighter. I have maintained from day one that I am a runner and a hider (I know that rhymed, so you can get fucked if you think you can point that out like I didn't realise or some such nonsense), and that the most damage I could ever do to a man is to fuck up his knuckles with my face-meat, or maybe cause him to shatter his pinky finger on my forehead, thus rendering me victorious (at least in my mum's eyes). So, FUCK YOU BUNNY! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! AND YOUR QUEER BOYFRIEND! FUCK ME IN THE ASS! FUCK YOU!

I said "a woman, allegedly" because there isn't actually a hell of a lot of proof that you are a woman, in the traditional sense of the term. The picture you showed us could very well have been one of your victims, moments before her untimely death via chainsaw up the fanny. That would explain why she looked as if she had been running barefoot through a graveyard - she had that sort of "I'm about to die horribly and Paddy's great and sexy and not fat at all" look on her face. Just sayin'.

Plus, even if that was you in the pic, we couldn't actually see your fanny. For all we know it could be studded with fangs with a massive tongue flapping in and out of it, feeling around for cocks to feast upon. I think what needs to be done here, bunny, is that you need to stick a camera up your thatch and take a wee snapshot - purely for scientific investigation, of course. Then, and only then, would I consider becoming your new boyfriend who's not queer and doesn't need to think about Chuck Norris to get his Mr. Man standing to attention. Otherwise, I'm afraid it has to be a "no" bunny. NO! Your fanny's not having my cock for dinner! Unless it's in the figurative sense, in which case, yum yum dim sum my cock is yummy yumtimes.

It means he needs to stop trying to squeeze every penny's worth of his studio time by stretching his songs out until the very last minute. Doesn't he know that his songs, which are used primarily as background for riding the pink swan, only need to be 3 minutes or less in length?

Was this before or after you bathed in the blood of fourteen 3-year-old girls?

*grins sweetly & innocently at paddy*

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I just shat 4lbs of clotted blood.

that's not good maybe you should see the doctor about that??

& i must say i've never had that effect on men before ever!! *shrug* first time for everything i suppose lol

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That's primarily because the men you've met haven't survived long enough for you to witness the phenomenon. One look into your eyes causes the colour to drain from their faces, their shit to vacate pooh-village, and for them to suddenly die of massive, unfathomable shock and erections. Their bodies then immediately begin to wither and their moisture is absorbed by your throbbing, life-sucking fanny-tongue and you thus gain their knowledge and skills with handicrafts, plus their pin numbers and login details for FaceBook.

I don't have a FaceBook account, because the sight of a blank friends page is just too depressing to cope with. I'm also quite shit when it comes to origami and scrap-booking, so there's very little to be gained from killing me, other than my vast encyclopaedic knowledge of midget porn directors, which probably wouldn't help you much in your quest to create the most powerful, most dripping-with-evil, all-encompassing scrapbook that's ever existed.

bunny, I'd love to see the pictures!

Paddy, hubby wants to know if a schizophrenic kills himself is that considered a suicide or a hostage situation resulting in homicide?

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I don't know, I'll ask Paddy.

Paddy says fuck off and bring him more midget semen, and stop interrupting his knuckle-fucking with this tomfoolery.

I'd just like to distance myself from what Paddy just said. I, being the alpha-Paddy, have taken your question on-board and am considering it with due...consideration. My answer is as follows: spunky lips make for salty, slippery kisses.

Oh for fuck's sake guys, let's be serious for a moment. I reckon that if a schizophrenic kills himself/themselves they are in fact killing not only each of their fragmented personalities, but also 4 monkeys and a fat woman.

Paddy's great and not fat at all. This is Paddy #3 saying this about Paddy #1, so it's not vain or arrogant and you can fuck off to fuck if you think otherwise.

I'm aware of the fact that each of my personalities is named Paddy, and that on the face of it this may seem extremely arrogant and the product of megalomania, but the thing you have to remember is, is that you're a cunty fat-face.

nearly done uploading lb & yeah thought you might

& lb!!! i must say that one to bf what your hubby said about the schizophrenic

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You mean "my boyfriend who is a product of my schizophrenia and doesn't actually exist which is why you never see us both in the same place at the same time"? Yeah, tell him

lol He also wants to know -and he asked a mortician this- if a person dies in a burning building and they've stated in their will that they want to be cremated do they get a discount?

It left the mortician speechless and confused.

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lb tell your hubby i like his way of thinking!!

he asks similar questions that my bf would ask lol

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pix plz?

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tabbies
tabbies
tabbies
tabbiestabbiestabbies

When you get the ashes from a cremation you're not really getting burnt meat, you're getting ground-up bone. The flesh pretty much evaporates. So, the same grinding crushing machine will still have to be employed, and if you think those things run on air you've got another thing coming. Think of the overheads, you can't go dishing out freebies or discounts just because someone has lost most of their meat already. That'd be like going to a garage and saying to the mechanic "I've run the car through a car wash, so all that's really left to do is the oil change and the tune-up. But naturally I won't have to pay for that, right?" NO! NO! NO! WRONG! WRONGY McWRONG WRONG!

I'd love to work in a crematorium. Just think of all the child porn you could destroy before the cops get a chance to confiscate your PC.

Req', I think you're standing too close to Paddy.

Hubby also says in those viagra commercials say that you should call a doctor if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours. He says there's group therapies for it, but the hugging part is just too awkward to do. I guess in several ways.

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lb

btw pics up clicky

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It's difficult to keep the camera steady on the tripod when a thick, arcing rope of buttery blood is fired at it like a high-velocity tank round, which makes a dull thudding punch when it impacts the wall behind it.

I've read through last year's tabbies, not knowing what they actually entailed, and it's basically just awards for the biggest assholes on the site. Now I know why you recommended me for inclusion in this year's! CUNT!

Not if you hug a lovely girl with a lovely cock-slot. They're made to fit! Well, except mine, which just punches a massive gaping hole through the girl's pelvis like an angry, slimy, purple-tipped jack hammer.

Beautiful images n'all, but a little misleading. The title of the page is "where i live". It's not entirely representative of "where you live" though, is it? I mean, where are the sick and the dying masses? Where are the cock-squeezers and nipple-pincers? Where are the rivers of blood and semen and tears and semen? Where's the black 34" strap-on dildo thrusting greasily into your effigy of Paddy's ass?

Paddy, the meetings would be just for guys. Women don't take viagra.

bunny, those are some great pictures. I can't tell if the horse with the offset blaze has it's ears back because of the wind or because it wasn't a happy camper. The little one is sweet.
One thing. What's a dandelion clock? I've never heard that before. The florals are beautiful.

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You're splitting hairs; a massive erection or a massive clitoris both present the same problem, which can be amply solved by my straight-forward (in more ways than one) slot-system.

Women take Viagra all the time, so they can use their pussies as a sundial in times of crisis.

I think I need a shot and a beer.

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I understand I'm well-known for my..."virility", but even I have my limits. Maybe if you drive out to the coast and if I stand on the tallest building in Ireland and fire into the wind I might be able to reach.

well i'm not in the cast anymore, but it's still technically broken, and really weak. apparently strong enough to break someone's nose, but trust me, i'm feeling the repercussions

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thanks lb

& about the horsey & it's ears it was the wind

& it's really funny lb everytime i'm out with a camera & i see horseys they always come towards me & pose! lol

& a dandelion clock holds the seeds of the dandelion flower, those white tufts? each of those is a seed & when the wind catches it, the seeds float on the wind.

& thankies yeah the bluebells are native only to the british isles

anyway back to the studying thing

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That's cool. I'm well aware of the anatomy of a dandelion so I was very curious about the clock. A new term for my vocabulary. Me likes.
The eyes of that horse didn't look anything but docile so I thought it might be the wind. Thanks for posting all those!

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HA! Bunny, you inadvertently captured your horse-fucking boyfriend in your pic, hiding in the bushes waiting for you to leave so that he can have his way with the lovely horsey:

http://img27.imageshack.us/img27/4165/s640x480y.jpg

Just dump him already, he's no good. I'll take care of you, I have my own bedroom in my mum's house and everything.

Did you Tyson that horse's ear, Paddy? I didn't notice that before.

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lol paddy you are v funny!!!

& no probs lb you're welcome hun i'll prob take more pics later in the year & they'll be put into same gallery if you interested will let you know when they are up to view

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I see no evidence of that.

http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/6287/s640x480yc.jpg

Sure, bunny, if ole Paddy Tyson doesn't massacree the poor things first!
Paddy! Take your pill! Down, boy!

If a horse is misbehaving you grab it's ear you don't bite it's ear!

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no probs lb

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Ahhh, so using that logic if a woman is being promiscuous I'm duty-bound to grab a leaf of beef-lettuce and lead her back to my Waco-style compound? Hmmmmmmm... *strokes beard and penis*

Whatever trips yer trigger.

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Escapee midgets, usually. I really need to tighten security around here.

If you put a hedge up you might contain them better. How about an anonymously encapsulating enormous euonymous?

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Tried that, they just ate the euonymus leaves and subsequently grew to full size, and easily overpowered and raped and beat me. I still have 44 internal stitches from that ordeal, so I'll never make that mistake again.

The branches make pretty good whippin' sticks, though. Haha I whipped this one midget so much that all that remained of him after 33 hours was a face set atop a mound of mushed up flesh, with a sort of "please, no more whipping" expression on it. I didn't take any notice though, and whipping the face until it, too, became mush. Then I fucked the still warm, steaming meat (or "Hamburger Hill", as it was called in court). Best corpse-fuck of my life, that was. My cock is still burning from the various infections I contracted from it. His name was Kevin.

am scared to ask!

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I just thought it was strange. Most of the midgets I encounter (if that's the correct term for repeated rapings) have names like "Gorthal" and "Gwim" and "Voltron" and "Level 5 Paladin".

Voltron!? Thanks a lot for that memory.

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Paladin's aren't normally midgets any Paladin's i've ever come across have been tall

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I only through them away because they said there was lead in them! I didn't know that they would be worth several hundred dollars apiece a couple years later!
Eldest son griped at me for years about that. I think they were lions that formed into one superhero about the time He Man was out.
The Voltrons. Not Paladins.

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she-ra totally destroyed he-man!!

she was a total slut, she should have been called she-slut (imho)

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HA! You're clearly one of the brainwashed masses who gets their information from World of Warcraft and JRR Tolkien books. No no, my friend, real Paladins are evil midgets with massive cocks. Voltron is another midget, cunningly disguised in popular culture as a massive robot. It's a midget conspiracy, Midgonism. They control the media, they control the education system, they control the Baby GAP, they control everything!

Do you remember the episode where She-Ra sucked off an Ewok for £50 while a Thunderbird massaged He-Man's anus with an oily thumb?

For some reason you saying Baby GAP just doesn't seem right. *shudders*

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lol to Paladin comment no, i've met a few in real life & they were tall

& lol i don't watch that porn nonsense

edit: yeah i agree with ya there lb

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Baby GAP is a shop that claims to be for kids but is in fact a front for midget espionage, it's not a baby's fanny if that's what you think, and even if it was I definitely wouldn't think about how slippery I could get it with a half-bottle of baby oil, why the fuck would I? You're SICK.

I'm sick? If that ain't the pot calling the kettle rusty.

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I'm not the one implying horrible things about children and what I may or may not have done to them in the past, or what a court ruling may or may not have declared about said things in 1998.

Oh, you think that's funny? You're just as sick as he is!
Speaking of sick. She's got her feet up on the mantle ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heskWNMUqC8&feature=fvsr

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I knew a girl who could get her legs up on the mantle. Granted, they were wooden, but I didn't want them in the bed. Splinters in the cock is a new kind of pain. Although having them sucked out isn't entirely unpleasant.

It took me forever! Or at least an hour to track down what sketch my starter line was from. It was worth the revisit. And God save the Queen!
Paddy, bite my splintery, wooden ass.

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You're so old that it wouldn't surprise me if they did give wooden asses to people back in your day for injuries sustained from shitting accidents.

Oh, I'm such a bitch!

The Monty Python sketch was good though, I didn't realise that was your inspiration of the RTT title! I thought you were just a very flexible lover and wanted to share that with us, your bastard children.

Nope, you should know by now there's method to my madness. I wasn't sure how many would catch that so that's why I found it again.

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you guys are crazy

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Says the man who shattered the skeletons of 10 men using only one arm!

How are you feeling now, chief? Did your dad sustain any significant injuries? Or did he just do what my dad tends to do and use you as a human shield?

Truth', why aren't you in northwest Pa. instead. I'd come over and visit ya. Maybe I'd bring you some cookies. You'd like some cookies, wouldn't you?

I'm sorry. Talking to Paddy is warping my brain. What little of it there is.

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I'm alright. My arm is fuckin sore and i got a few bumps and marks, but otherwise no damage taken. actually, leaving my contacts in for too long fucked me up more than the fight haha. My dad's got a black eye and a sore throat from someone sneaking up behind him and choking him, but otherwise fine.

What's new with you, paddy?

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I would love some cookies! Western PA is weird though. It's a lot different than eastern. I'm not sure cookies are worth living on that side of the state. Fuckin Steelers fans. Where do you live at?

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Northeast oh10. On the banks of Lake Erie.

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well if i ever end up over that way, i'll be sure to let you know and take you up on the cookies. Cookies are awesome.

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TD, her "cookies" are loaded with Rohypnol. She wants to take you to her farm, tie you to a tree and burn your balls with a blowtorch, and she'll be able to do it guilt-free because she's deluded herself into thinking you're a giant mass of caterpillars.

Shit, it seems that all sense of honour and good sportsmanship goes out the window when a bar-room brawl takes off. Choking someone from behind is something that should only be done to me by midgets. Well, it's good to know that there's at least one guy out there with a shattered nose! haha

Not much new with me chief, same old shit! Well, besides being given the Paedo Award 2009 last month. I won it in the "Most Likely to Re-Offend" category. My uncle is incredibly proud of me, he gave me my big start in paedoing. A big, gaping, throbbing, pulsating, blood-trickling start.

Is that you?

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