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Old 2002-12-06, 08:26
+--deifiler--+'s Avatar
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Yorkshire in the U.K.
Posts: 118
haha official male conduct

haha enjoy these rules for guys:

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.

2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally beaten
and killed by his fellow partygoers.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever.

7. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable

9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.

10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away
with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is
forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission
and he, in return is required to grant it.

12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see

14. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

15. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers
(Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's
officially your girlfriend.

16. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel and it's free.

17. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

19. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set
and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

21. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations,
a nod is all the conversation you need.

23. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
not join him...too gay.

24. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in
the eye, and deliver a "F@ck OFF!" You are absolved of your of

25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was.

26. When in the bathroom, select the urinal farthest away from another other person (even if it means using the kiddie urinal). If all the urinals are taken or have one between each person, pretend you came to wash your hands then leave.

27. NEVER look into the eyes of another man next to you while urinating.

28. A guy should never have to be asked to leave the room by a friend entertaining a hot girl.

29. Unless your friend shows homosexual tendencies in his time of nedd, you should never leave a drunken friend to fend for himself.

30. At no time should penis size be discussed, not everyone is as lucky as you.

31. A guy should never invite his friend into any sort of sexual activity with his girlfriend.

32. you MUST ALWAYS defend YOUR chair, women musnt be allowed to sit in it, slouching in it is an extreme offence

33. NO ONE can tell you to turn your amp down, unless they are higher skill or within your band

34. Your genitals need itching, if you scratch them, people will look away, if not, they are gay, thats hteir problem, not yours

35. The word 'stool' may be used as reference to sh*t only in the presence of straight guys, homos will take advanatge and go "oo young man, push up my stool"

36. Wearing underpants on your head is mature, no matter what anyone else says. So is making a ninja costume froma T-shirt (ill post the diagram tonight at home)

37. You own the bathroom, urinate on the seat and leave it down as proof

38. Unlike the myths, HIV and HOMO can be bassed on through eye and skin contact with puffters

39. Ignorance = BLISS

Old 2002-12-06, 09:05
PST 88's Avatar
PST 88
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,982
Number six is only true if you like the guy. If he's an ass: fuck his sister. Then talk about it every time you see him.

And, if you're as homophobic as it seems, wouldnt you believe that your friend who shows homosexual tendencies in his time of need would NEED the fighting help more than someone who is clearly straight? Or can homos fight now? And can you fuck a gay guy's hot sister?
Old 2002-12-06, 10:20
+--deifiler--+'s Avatar
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Yorkshire in the U.K.
Posts: 118
i didnt write it, i got it off asite

i know some gay people, 2 are ok guys, the others are complete twats though

Old 2002-12-06, 20:19
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: harlingen texas
Posts: 142
i wanna see the ninja costume...
Go home, throw your T.V.'s in the fire place and jack yourself off into oblivion.
Old 2002-12-06, 21:41
guitar_demon's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: &#26132&#26132
Posts: 7,547
33 is the best one out of all of them
no one can tell you to turn down your amp unless they're of higher skill or in your band
Why not make shit up as we go-fox
Ok. You're literate, intelligent and funny-FBS

"Calm down, Edgar back in your cage"-far beyond sane
"you suck the cat-avatar-guy doesnt"-The Doc
Now My Legacy Shall Live Forever!!
Old 2002-12-06, 21:53
PST 88's Avatar
PST 88
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,982
That doesnt answer my question. Because I know this gay guy with a REALLY hot sister. Well, no I dont, but I'm still curious.
Old 2002-12-07, 03:00
mrweijia's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
thats some funny shit
Old 2002-12-08, 16:38
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Hell, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Posts: 65
lol, pretty funny shit.
"Everybody thinks its some big deal, to me this is one big jackoff session." - Dimebag Darrel
Old 2002-12-08, 22:58
powersofterror's Avatar
I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
# 21-23, rule dude, haha
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.

This is my band's page
Old 2002-12-11, 22:41
MeTalManiac555's Avatar
Supreme Metalhead
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 655
Hahah yeah dude.
walk through nature's dwelling
hide from obscure trees listening
winter brings gloom, brings remnants of our shadows
twilight casts spells on those who espouse their fate

ice pricks necks like knives, leaving shards of cadaverous skin
tears spout from eyes, shunned from mankind's den
(Prayer For Cleansing/ "A Dead Soal Born")
Old 2002-12-12, 02:21
Posts: n/a
thoses rules are so true

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