I had an argument with someone I know about who I'm allowed to hate.

So I wrote this. It's long, but I had a long thought. It's badly structured, but it's not an essay.

If it offends you, tell me so I can foward you pictures of autopsy scenes.



I DON’T LIKE REALLY GAY PEOPLE

Currently and most likely into the future, I consider myself a heterosexual. I perform all sorts of messy heterosexual activities that aren’t any of your damn business, and I enjoy them immensely. Happy with the dirty little games I play, sometimes I ruminate about what being gay would be like. I always get stuck half-way between having body hair being an objective of attraction and not being able to have a decent workout because my arsehole felt like diced ham. Each to their own.

I have some gay friends. They are people. I have straight friends. They are people too, a remarkable correlation. I know a few shirt-lifters where I work, a few where I study, and a few socially. I think there’s a real difference between gay and straight men – I think I like hugging the gay ones a lot more because I know they enjoy it more – and they’re better at it. I’m big on hugs. A lot of guys are afraid of them, the disgusting repressives that they are. Gay guys really get into their hugs, you get a good, clean squeeze-and-hold, none of this disengaging slap-on-the-back rigid alpha male shit.

However, I don’t like really gay people.

Ooh.

Is he saying he doesn’t like gay people? Or he REALLY doesn’t like gay people?

Read it, Cujo. I DON’T LIKE REALLY GAY PEOPLE.

If you’re gay, whatever. You may as well tell me you’re Scandinavian or you collect stamps. But if you’re a fashion-designing wrist-waving make-up applying pouting screaming whining temperamental bender avec colossus, yes, it’s quite possible that I hate you. I haven’t met you, but the chances really aren’t looking too red-blooded. Please eat some broken glass.

(If you reacted to the above, get yourself into the bathroom now. Look at yourself in the mirror, and while staring deeply into your own eyes. Hold a picture in your head of the one thing you’d really like to do with your life, smile sensuously at your own reflection then slap yourself quickly across one side of your face. Make it a good sharp one too, no limpid fish-meets-ricepaper combination pat-a-cake. For the sake of the rest of this missive, we’ll call that a ‘wake-up’ slap. Repeat at frequent intervals when I use language that takes the pejorative sense of all things “gay” to their upper limits and use the most offensive allegories that enter my stream of consciousness. It’s called irreverence and I can’t write without it. It’s my favourite sacred cow trampoline.)

Why hate? In a grotesquely appropriate analogy, these people are expert at disappearing up their own asses. As far as a universally whiny, narcissistic and self-obsessed subgroup goes, these people steal the whole bakery and run off with it during the night. Every coffee house is permeated by one beret-sporting brown-hatter for whom NOTHING is going right, and it is his personal mission to inform everyone within earshot of precisely that. If you ask him nicely to shut his whining fucking yap, he’ll talk pseudo-quietly about you when you can fully hear him. Every “alternative” bar has someone who calls you a ‘fag-hater’ when you don’t want to talk to them. Every nightclub has someone called Pierre who can’t take “FUCK OFF” as a clear no. You can tell there’s a lot of gay people near where I live, it takes a large population to come up with this kind of quality fuckbrain on a consistent basis.

The worst thing I see these disgusting buttock-pillagers doing is harassing straight guys. Some guys are cool with whatever you do (when you do it by yourself) but aren’t particularly used to being hit on. They don’t MIND you, they may be a bit miffed or disgusted by what you do happening TO THEM, but they won’t ever take you out into the car park and practice their Tap Dogs routine on your face with their buddies when they get oiled. They're harmless, in othe words.

But I’ve seen you, you peek-a-boo suited frotteuristic killjoys. You find one poor sap who can’t handle you, and you act as if the Holy Grail rests deep inside his rectum and you have to get a wetsuit and a diver’s helmet and conduct some very serious backdoor archeology to save the Free World. What do you call it, straight-scaring? Here’s a moral (& hypothetical) equivalent for you:

I front an old lady walking her dog, probably a small noisy poodle in a tartan jacket, stand right in front of her so she can’t walk around me, like the Un-Jolly Green Giant. She stops, looks up, slightly afraid. I look right at her, and with a menacing leer say:

“Oi gran. I want to fuck your poodle.”

Does she tell me to fuck off? No she doesn’t She stares at me, and as her mind runs into search mode and returns the string “ABSOLUTELY NO INFORMATION”, the clutch-disc of her mind disengages and she stares at me…

I begin smiling lasciviously at little Pookie, and licking my lips.

“Yeah, sure seems like some mighty fine poodle ass you got there grandma. Boy, nothing warms you up in winter like the clutch of a dog’s rectum in its death spasm.”

Gran is mortified. That inoffensive little man in the tweed jacket you harassed in the bar is mortified, you colossal fucking rectal monkey. We both should have left the respective parties the fuck alone, eh? Thank Satan my example is hypothetical.

And while we’re at it, you can include those lesbians who believe that their role as a dyke consists entirely of “challenging the paradigm of masculinity” while turning themselves into a carnival freakshow of tattoos, ragged clothing, massacred hair and personal accouterments that make hardcore ravers look as smooth as Cary Grant. Personal dismemberment in the name of your own enlightenment is all very well, but you can’t walk the fine line between self-expression and the complete lack of aesthetic sensibility in those 14-hole boots, sweetheart. You’re not a female trendsetter, you're not Rosa Parkes or Germaine Greer, you’re the fucking Bearded Lady and you mean precisely DICK. Shut up and stop reading poetry when I’m drinking.

(Incidentally, if you want to annoy a hardcore lesbian, after she says something, look at her patronizingly and say “Ahh, what would you know Toots?” Slap her ass as well – that is, if you can get away with it without getting smacked with the ammunition box she uses as a handbag.)

Here’s the clinch: the reason you hang your sexuality out to dry in the first place is the same reason that “macho men” play out their idiotic testosterone fuelled dramas, and the same reason that rejected and downtrodden girls often turn into gutter sluts. Uncertainty and a distinct lack of self-respect or self-esteem. You’re not comfortable with who you are. There is a huge difference between living your life to the full and shoving big scrotal sac of your personal baggage in people’s collective right eyes. Somewhere along the line you gained something to prove, a point you had to externalize and over-emphasise in the external world. It’s the same thing men with small penises do in bars when they have the liquid courage to do so – harass other people to validate themselves. When you identify too strongly with a group you become a caricature of yourself, a hyper-extension of values external to you that you don’t really believe. You need to develop your own identity, you rectal hyperbeast. Drop the act and be yourself. If being yourself includes ramming your penis into other men with alarming frequency, I don’t care. But don’t put it where it isn’t wanted, and keep your attitude inside your pants as well.

I’m tempted to leave out the obligatory statement about the non-encompassing nature of the above. But if it’ll minimise misunderstanding by the tiresome and retarded…

*No, I do not hate gay people exclusively. I hate a certain sub-group of gay people.

*No, I am not hiding deep within a closet, subconsciously praying for release. If I was ever in a closet, I would have shattered and ceremonially burnt the fucking thing by now and settled down with a nice graphic designer called Jerome who works for charity in his spare time.

*No, I am not some kind of über-fascist who wishes the removal of the Third Sex. The only people who should be systematically removed from the face of the earth are mimes. Those people are below contempt.

If you look hard enough at any collective, you can find an identity within them worthy of your contempt. The political environment doesn’t enter into it, neither does the tide of popular opinion. The tide of popular opinion is nothing but Brownian motion in the scum-bath of objective thought.

Lastly, this is not a flash-in-the-pan disgust, I could spit and rail about encounters with these anally-defined co-dependant collectivists, but I suppose at the end of the day I’m only saying that the hyper-gay are every bit as disgusting as the hyper-macho (and fuck PC and its advocates while I'm at it). Let’s leave it at that for now. And let the definition of ‘hyper’ be simply embodying the uncanny ability to instantly sell their deformed character to every person they ever meet for purposes of their own validation.



Now wasn't that fun?

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... Holy fucking shit dude.

i can't really say much but, i can nod my head in agreement on most of those points.

It seems to me most straight guys feel the same about gay guys......if they don't bother us, we don't bother them.

But, it's the "hyper-gays" we really don't like.

Good job.

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man you have to much time on your hands hehe..

anyways, I agree with most things you said, I don't like gay people either but that's just because I think they are the freaks of nature.

and Yeah, the hypers gays are the worst kinda types, they go to parades in pink tanga's and shit. here in holland there are stupid parades made up by gays from amsterdam. they stand on boats and party whilst doing all sorts of nasty things I don't wanna think about.
I think my gay-hate has come from those kinda things, the hyper gays are active in holland and I hate it.

i dont like it when i get hit on by other guys...it freaks me out...Like this one dude at Specs (music store) kept on eyeing me...and fucking undressing me with his eyes...he also followed me around the fucking store...it freaked me out...i was not about to have some cock up my ass...i pefer to stay a virgin down their

I agree. Although I cant remember ever being hit on by a guy. I hate people who are hyper(I say raging, but hyper's fine) ANYTHING. To everyone who is: shut up, fuck you, I dont like you. Nice essay though, I agree with a good amount of it, which is more than I can say for a lot of people.

Hail SANE!

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I've never been hit on by a gay.....i'm pretty proud of that.

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That can soon change...

*gets Tatter3d over*

*walks off and leaves you two to it*

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Sydney has a huge-ass gay population, and the places I go aren't gay bars, but they're often in the same suburbs. I meet heaps of them, and usually they're cooler to talk to because they do interesting things with their lives. Seems to be a pattern to it, when they get rid of their repression they turn into very happy and creative people.

However, the hyper-faggot is a disgusting breed of subhuman.

I write too much.

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It's the same in the states.. parades.. marches.. rallies.. it's all crap.. we use a word here.. and it's Flamer.. and those are the fucks that don't know the word no and need to be shot.. Preach on brotha.. I think most of us agree with you on all counts

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If they make a big deal out of it, and refuse to move the issue from any kind of spotlight, it WILL STILL BE AN "ISSUE"... I don't understand 'pride' people. They create their own downfall and invade other people's consciousness doing it.

I want a straight pride parade dammit, I'll be on the "EXPAND YOUR MIND - PUSSY OF THE WORLD" float surrounded by Thai hookers, Valkyries and squaws. Ahh, hobbies.

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I'll just be on my own cheap float doing a bunch of young whores that look tight.


We do need a Straight Parade though....i've been saying that myself for quite sometime.

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haha, 3quarters of the world would be at it, haha!

Make it on same day as gay parade, hehem Gang Wars!

Giant Dildos vs Inflatable Tits

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Haha, i prefer woman thanks..

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Me neither man!

we must be pretty ugly or something!

but it's a good thing though!!!

i've been winked at by a guy (when i went to school), but i pretty much told him to go get fucked.

i dont want to make too much of a stance of wat i think of gays, but i'm fucking homophobic as! sex is to ensure the survival of your species, how the fuck can you ensure the survival of mankind by porkin some fag in the ass (and watever the fuck lesbians like to get up to).

grrr....makes me mad

HEY! HEY!
Now lets not rat on lesbians!
Lesbians are fun to watch

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You got that right

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You bunch of perverted teens!!!!!!!













I love your style

I think it's just that we don't look gay, so the gays don't even bother with us.

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hehe, yeah that was the second thing I thought about, but that one is probably right

oh man we rule

Damn right.

It's cool not being attractive sometimes.....it has it's rewards.

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Lol, i havent been hit on...Not yet anyway, but theres only two gays where i live, one he knows if he came anywhere near me i;d kill him (not becuase hes gay, becuase he genuinly bugs the fuck out of me), lol, and the 2nd is a guy i;'ve never spoken to in my life

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You're here to make friends, aren't you... lucky I'm in a good fucking mood here...

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Strangely enough, that doesn't bother me at all. (morbid_death being a homophobe that is)

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tellin someone they shouldn't be gay because sex is for procreation might as well tell me not to jerk off.

i dont care wat any of you think of me.

its just an internet forum.


flame away....

if you don't care then don't antagonize it.

Sex is for procreation? Then why do I always have to wear a condom?

c'mon, you know you want to you big man you with your large dominutive words.

possibly to prevent a child or getting a disease.....

maybe you just think it feels good...

maybe so its easier to get your dick out of the vacuum cleaner?

you tell me.....

Did I judge? No, I said I really didn't agree with you, but I wouldn't.

And then you go and make me write this down, you clown. I'll get RSI at this rate.

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I don't know if this is a typo, if it is, it's a really cool one. Think about it for just a sec... it has a whole wealth of meaning... think, you moronic bastards...

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do you honestly think i care?

come on guys, peace - not war...love - not hate

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wow, procreation is a real christian thing to say, seeing that your all evil and stuff. Also, technically, to be the ULTIMATE evil you have to be gay.

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Fuck, who cares anyway?

I think a dick is made for a fucking pussy, not another guy's ass who has a dick hanging on the other side. The whole idea of fucking a guy's ass makes me sick. I hate it.

Sure humans were meant for procreation, which gayness is fucking over really bad......but sex is also really fun, so fuck procreation. I just can't see sex with another man being fun...i do'nt even call is sex.

Sex (taken from memnoch's dictionnary): A man's penis with a women's vagina.

Nowhere does it say analy probing your best buddy.



Lesbians are cool though......only if i get to do them at the same time.

(i know this post will probably piss a lot of people off....so, go ahead. These are my thoughts.....yours might be different, and if they are, that just means we're all human and have different fucking opinions.)

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you know wat....this is the first time i've ever agreed with you mon....... lets only hope this is not a regular occurance =/

It is a rare occurance man, trust me. This doesn't happen very often. (and i mean with anyone, not just you)

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i really gotta do something about that.

this thread was about not really liking gays.

I don't like them and I'm happy I haven't got hit on by any gays ahah but I can imagine that it pisses you off big time and that you feel a sudden urge to kick his face to the curb...
do any of you guys actually know any gays?
I know only one, from work, he's weird, in holland we've got a lot of gays, that sucks.

2 of my aunts are fucking gays.


and they wonder y i dont have any contact with them.

ow man that is nasty.
it must suck to have gays in the family.
how late is it over there? it's 1500 right now, I'm at school with my laptop, I need it for my study, pretty neat, I can check metaltabs at school now!

its 10:52pm here right now.


laptops...kick ass...my old school i was at we got to have our own aye...but i nearly got expelled, and the headmaster chased me and my friends in his car, but that was a whole other story


its ok to have fags in the family.....if you disown them.

dude ur always at school with your laptop ive seen that like 10 times already!

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you 2 know each other?

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haha, yeah but it's new.
I've been on that school for 2 weeks now, so it's pretty cool for me, fast download speeds up to 1mbps!!
90% female and lots of guys that play UT2003!

and no I don't know the guy

so morbid-death dude, did you disown the fags in the family? hehe

lol, no im just saying how many times ive seen him say it in the forums..

..but me and def-fx are quite close buds..

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man don't say that kinda stuff in gay threads

anyways, yeah, we're beer drinkin' pals!


(somehow our conversation always end out in; Lets have a beer man! - or something similair)

wat fags in wat family

haha yeah that pretty much makes it clear