*remember peeps, use your imagination, wit, and intellect( if you have any, that is): no lame immature jokes*


Steve was jammin' it up on his guitar in his room, until his friend Dave called.

Dave: "hey man, i gotta bring something over to your house.......i gotta hide it there in your closet"
Steve: "uhh...okay. what is it?"
Dave: "it's a shoebox with something secret inside"
Steve: "what's in the box?"
Dave: "can't tell ya....."
Steve: "why?"
Dave: "'cause it could fuck shit over for me for 10 years...."
Steve: "umm......i don't know if i wanna keep it.....why won't you keep it in your house?"
Dave: "'cause i can't, dog.........my parents might find out. come on, man. come through for me this one time, i'll repay you for sure, honest."
Steve: "alright, fine...."

so Dave brought over a shoe box that was spray painted black and it had 3 air holes on the top of it. he put it in Steve's closet. Dave said, "do not, under any circumstance, open that shoebox". steve agreed and then Dave left.
Steve went to bed that night......and he could not sleep......he wanted to know what was in the box......it was driving him insane. he tried to go to sleep....but he was up an hour past his bedtime, he had to get to school tomorrow early.........so he finally cracked under the pressure and opened the box......inside was......

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a comprehensive, well thought-out plan to commit a series of murders based entirely on the novel Catch-22. Why Catch-22? Cause noone'd expect that.

Slightly surprised and mildly annoyed, Steve became genuinely shocked to find that his name was among the victims, and his good friend had planned to kill him three years down the line with eggs that he had bought for 7 cents and would later sell for 5 cents, and yet make a profit on. Steve, freaked out, ran out of his room and down the street to Dave's house, only to stop upon realizing he was still in his bedclothes. However, at this point he was already on Dave's porch, so Steve decided to...

....go ahead, and throw rocks at his two story window to catch his attention, instead of waking his parents. dave, woke up and went to the window, "wtf man,why did you disturb my slumber." steve got his tongue caught and was dumbfouned, and couldn't say athing, finnaly he said," ............

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Yo G, whats goin down, why you tryin to kill me dawg!?
I now gonna tell all ma homies in da hood, and they come put a cap in yo ass, ya damn foo'!...

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"word up beatch" said Dave " you motha fuckin dawg think you got me, do you????? I'll fuckin show you, motha fucka!!!! i bust yo nigga ass up with my fat...

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sausage gun. soon he began firing fat fried links out of a bazooka. until Steve pulled out his.....

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cellphone and called....
no one, since they didn't pick up.

Steve cursed Dave, "I curse you! i'll never talk to you again! good luck tryin' to kill me, 'cause i know you're entire plan, jackass! rot in hell"

they didn't talk or speak to each other for 2 years and 11 months. by this time, they both had graduated from college and had jobs and families. they lived in different states. but according to Dave's plan, they will meet again. by now, dave had carried out almost 1/3rd of his 10 year murder campaign.

he went to the grocery store, to buy some 7 cent eggs.

but Steve had the details of Dave's plan, and in the back of his mind, he knew what was gonna happen, and he was expecting it, because Dave's plan to kill someone with 7 cent eggs was:

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to shove them all down his throat one by one, to choke him to death, but of course this would be very hard to approach him with these eggs, one by one down his throat..very inspiring...his other evil plan was to....

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after selling the eggs for 5 cents and making a profit, he would take a...

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the money to buy a straw and stick it down his throat, after doing this
dave planned to blow the straw so hard that his best friend would burst
and of course shutting his nose and ears, or it would not wrk

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so in actuality, Steve was not expecting what Dave had in plan.

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so he rolled his eyes and went to the candy store.

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..so in the candy store, there was this humongous...

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bag of candies with the words "ATE" on the side, so he asked the shopkeeper, what ATE stood for, he said....

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"All Terrain Elephant"

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that's when Dave showed up with his straw and snuck up behind Steve, and....

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wispered in his ear....

*skittles, taste the rainbow *

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and then he licked his ear
steve gasped in horror and disgust, and that's when Dave took his straw and

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Insterted it into Steve right through one of his pores.

"See dude, I told you, gotta make sure your pores dont get too big! Not just some dumb cosmetic thing now!"

Cause Dave was really angry at the time Steve had made fun of him when he wanted to be a male model, after which he went the opposite way, and became the bitter psuedo-intellectual serial killer(cause what kind of model really reads Catch-22?) who had made the cunning 10-year plan, which he had no problem breaking out of for little reason whatsoever.

Steve started to wonder why he had never paid attention during his self-defense class "What to do When Attacked by a Straw-Wielding Assailant," and thought 'dude, if I had the chance, I'd so pay attention in that class.' Which got him wishing he'd mastered time travel, another thing he'd meant to do but never gotten around to. Just when Steve realized his life was one huge gigantic moronic waste, out of nowhere came...

a fistful of dried haggis came crashing in and hit dave in the middle of
his face.




*"licked his ear*....AHAHAHAHA

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dave got up from the blow..looked down...''AHHH HAGGIS!!!''..oh my god!!¬AH

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he grabbed the haggis that was coming alive and he ate it, but it was so disgustign that he threw it away hitting...


not much involvment in this ftt.

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..a wall, and splatting against it, with all the contains smeared all over it..this guy came over to it and..

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since he was so far gone on acid, started talking to the haggis remains going " oh maw! sugahpie and me wondered where you was.. we thought you....

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