I want No TIT, CRAP, DICk, PENIS immature shit, as always keep it funny but original, thanks for your time
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Here Goes......


Darkness was engulfing Jimbos room, he was all alone, his parents were away, Jimbo was NOT in a good mood...
"fuck this"... he though aloud, he wasn't going to stand here and do nothing, he HAD to do something, but what....Then

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..He decided, to leave, yes thats right, leave home he thought, his parents were bad to him, fed him shit all the time, he was fed up, he couldnt do anything in his boring old world, without his family bickering all the time...he grabbed his rucksack and left, he had a tear running from his eye as he wrote a note to his parents to explain all of it, he grabbed some food and the £20 from his drawer, he shut the door behind him as he sighed, ''Im gonna start a new life in a new place'' he said to himself, he knew that he didnt want to do this alone, so he thought of a freind a close friend his name was Troy Parker, he also knew that Troy was having family problems and was basically in the same situation as Jimbo, he called on him just as he was having tea, Troy was not allowed to come out, ''Shit'' thought Jimbo, i cant beleive im going to have to do this on my own, he walked out of there abode, and something struck his mind, he should by a dog, *mans best friend he thought* but he didnt quite know if 20 pounds was quite enough cash to buy a dog...

*2 Hours Later*

He had just reached the pet store, and entered the building..this old man with a long grey beard approached him and said ''Oi u get out of my shop'' 'If you want to buy a pet or any sort of thing from this shop u have to be accomponied by an adult..'' ''fuck'' he thought...*think quickly think quickly* he whipped out the choclate bar from his bag and choked the old man with it ..''AHAHAHAHAHAHAH'' He quickly hid the man in the back of the pet store in a bag ..''what have i done he thought''..nevermind that he was a bastard..he ran back out..and swiped the monkey out of its cage nearby...this will have to do he said..he didnt have time to choose a dog, before anyone nearby came into the petshop..and accused him of anything..he ran out of the shop with the monkey on his shoulder.....jimbo was about quarter of a mile away from the pet shop, not did he realise that the monkey was...

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still at the pet store waving good-bye. but in his pocket was a small puppy that the monkey had stuffed in while he was grabbing the cash. The puppy barked causing him to...

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..Hug it, he was realeaved, he waved back at the monkey, and his journey was on, but this time with a puppy, he named the puppy ''Casey'' casey was a very small puppy, but also very over protective and vicious..jimbo and casey stopped in a field to play ball, when jimbo threw the ball it..

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turned into the monkey, who smiled and satrted to wave incessantly

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well, speak of the devil he thought, now i do get another pet monkey,
so then he was happy he forgot that he was running away and started to walk
home, WTF, he said, and as soon as he turned around to leave a again, his
dad yelled out the door, "hey, take out the trash"

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He got pissed off with his dad and threw the monkey at him. The monkey was a rabid attack monkey and immediatly killed his father. And then his mother came along and...

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And he remembered he was leaving home, when POP a Jumping Ballpoint pen was in the, middle of the road, it spoke in a tremolo mixed with Digital Delay Voice.

"Listen to the Peanut inside you..." and it vanished


What the fuck thought jimbo

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He was hungry after the peanut so he....

(dude your turn mrweijia!!!!)

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ate

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After he ate he decided to go......bowling. So he toddled along to the bowling alley. Once he got there he realised that he only had £20 to last him his whole life, and that maybe paying £5 for bowling wasn't a good idea. So he...

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Robbed the rich Hobo in the corner and scored some McSwash

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Then he fell asleep on his neighbours lawn.

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with a cone on his head. when he woke up...

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He'd been soaked with water!!!!!!!

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And someone had stolen his £22.50
Now he was mad...

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So he made a really cool sword from twigs and leaves, and went to go and hunt down the person ... or ...object who stole his money. He checked around the whole town, but couldnt find his robber, until...

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...He came across this suspicious bloke, hanging outside the bank..''he must of took my money'' jimbo thought, he approached the man, as jimbo got nearer and nearer, the man started to walk away, jimbo yelled ''HEY'' the man turned around and told him to fuck off, jimbo wasnt going to have that so he desided to hurl some abuse back at him ''Fuck off yourself, you ass-licking cock-sucking twat!'', the man said nothing and walked away...jimbo was puzzled..... but out of nowhere, the man whipped out a gun from his pocket and took a shot at jimbo...''FUCK!'' he thought and hid behind the bin he thought what deep shit he has got himself into, the man kept shooting, and he kept hearing the continously ping of the bullets rebounding off the steel bin...jimbo thought to himself..i cant just hide behind this bin cowardly...this is not right..fuck that..im gonna run at the bitch....and so he did,...''AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH'' jimbo jumped on the man and started laying into him punch after punch, blood was spitting out the mans mouth..a crowd of people were watching..but jimbo didnt care he needed his money back...he kept laying into him lefts, rights uppercuts, and even blows to the crotch with his knee..suddenly...

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he grew a mullet and started listening to ac/dc. about five years later he became a roadie for cannibal corpse just before they were in ace ventura. he then married a girl from his home town and got her pregnant. when she had the baby it was deformed , so he ate it. it gave him terrible indegestion so he took some pepcid a.c. then the pepcid gavehim the shits . he went into the bathroom at k-mart. there were lines a mile long to use the stalls, so he shit in the urinal. at this point he came accross a chemical that when he pissed on made him invisible. he then went accross town savagely slaughtering people in the hood, because they had there rap up too loud and he hated rap. satan was so impressed he gave him an assignment. He had to go to iraq and slaughter saddam hussein beyond recognition,this gained him a spot in the underworld forever, as long as he didn't......

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try to rape innocent teens who couldn't even see him coming because he was invisible. after a while he was looking for more fun, so he went out of the underworld again and killed two cops patroling the streets, he gutted them and hang them on the stop sign in front of the copshop, the cops where really pissed so they went mad and killed all prisoners in their rage, mad as he became he went on a total killing frenzy and killed all the cops in town, leaving them with their penis sliced of and put in their mouth....

next day he was looking for more fun so he took a plane to new york and he...

climbed to the top of the empire state building. Once he got to the top he pulled out a bag of pennies and started dropping them from the top. Once they reached the bottom, they'd gained enough speed to kill someone, so Jimbo watched as the people below him fell to the floor like dominoes. He was rather pleased with this and...

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jumped off himslef

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When he reached the bottom, he'd picked up so much speed that he'd made a hole in the ground and BROKEN IT! He opened his eyes and realised...

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that he had no idea what he broke because that sentence made no sense. he looked around and saw...

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that the sentance did make sense. So he picked himself up off the broken ground, and decided that it was time to go...

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...to bed

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but he realised that he didnt have a bed. So he had to go into the woods and make one from twigs and leaves, like the old people did in the old days. So Jimbo made his way into the woods, but on his way there he came across a...

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Muslim who saw Jimbo when he was throwing down coins of the empire state building, the muslim had great respect for Jimbo because he killed a few people from the heavens (actually just the roof of the state building) and the muslim asked Jimbo how he did that...

Jimbo explained it to the muslim but the muslim didn't understand so he became verry angry and handed Jimbo a enveloppe filled with anthrax, but Jimbo didn't know how to open a fucking enveloppe so he asked the muslim to open the enveloppe, not knowing what had happend the muslim fell on the ground, dead...

Jimbo looked up and heard a lot of screaming people, behind him, in the woods, they stood, they where the Taliban... they actually scared the shit outta Jimbo so he screamed......

and jumped up into the air, when he came down he landed on his ass and make a squishy sound, yup, he landed on the shit. now his legs were all covered with shit so he had to take off his pants. when he did the taliban all bowed down because....

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*ahem* do you know how fuckin offensive that is to me?

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ooops, sorry, I'll quit with my muslim jokes...

They thought it was there (bent-ass cock-sucker) osama bin laden....''what the fuck?!'' jimbo said..as he kicked each of the taliban one by one, he was thorougly enjoying this..until...

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Dudes, cut the muslim, taliban, bin laden stuff... its gonna be offensive to people!

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whaaaaaattt??? Bin laden?...everyone hates him in these forums..., hes a twat..


.......there arent any afghans in here ARE there!!! WOOF! KILL!

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Well there could be? you never knoooow

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Alright, lets just get back to the story, cutting the taliban crap ok...

back to the first post before the taliban:

''but he realised that he didnt have a bed. So he had to go into the woods and make one from twigs and leaves, like the old people did in the old days. So Jimbo made his way into the woods, but on his way there he came across a...''

carry on

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*mmmmmkkkkk*

...Poor helpless doggy on the floor..it was a talking dog..he said ''help me jimbo i only have 3 legs all the other dogs pick on me'' jimbo was about to cry, ''fuck that'' he thought ''ive just found a talking dog im rich!''...so jimbo caged the 3 legged talking dog and...

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.....took it to a dog show,
where it won the ugliest dog award

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Jimbo was really pissed at this, cause he didnt want the ugly dog award, so he decided it would be best for everyone to eat the dog. So he did, swallowed it all in one. After that he felt much better, and went for a walk...

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(well the taliban and osama bin laden suck, everybody hates them.....but muslims in general? no)

but then Jimmy felt intense pains in his stomach, and the dog was eaten back to life and it burst from Jimmy's stomach and that's when the dog decided to.....

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piss all over Jimbo, after the dog had done this Jimbo enflamed in a huge fireball going on a kill frenzy and setting fire on the ugly dog, not knowing that the dog was invincible.
Jimbo ran off scared as hell cuz he couldn't even kill a ugly dog, he went to a shop and bought an.....

Ice cream. He unwrapped it and started to eat it, but every time he took a bite, it screamed at him.
"JIIIMBOOO PLEEEASE DONT EAAAT ME!!! I HAVE HIDDEN KNOWLEDGE... DONT EAT MEEE!" pleaded mr ice cream. So Jimbo sat down on a stone, and said to the ice cream...

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eat

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you're hungry

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Jimbo listened to the ice cream, and so he...

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ate

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his own flesh

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so he bled.

and bled and bled...this time he had lost at least 2 pints from blood...and was getting tired of bleeding so he...

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and had to go to the hospital to get sewn back up cause he bled alot. when he got there...

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...he stopped bleeding....so he ........started a rebel against the hospital..and they didnt like he, but he did...and ...suddenly a terridactol flew through the window..and picked up jimbo by his mouth and flew out again......''SHIIIITTTTTT'' jimbo screamed..he was in the sky in a terridactols mouth.....and then he woke up..cos he was actually sleeping...he had passed out from all the blood that was coming from him..there was a light shining at his face..he didnt know what it was..it looked like...

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A torch

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it was a torch, and he realised it was night, he got up and saw that
the torch bearer was the grim reaper...

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So he sat up said said hi to the reaper, but the reaper was in a bad mood and sent him to hell. when he got to hell he saw...

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....he saw god there, making a treaty with the devil.
he screamed, which gave his position away, and the cowboys
from hell(as the title of this ftt) take him to a dungoen.
i need a way out, he thought...

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But then as he was thinking, the devil himself came into the room and announced it was time for his daily pineapple session (ever seen Little Nicky... remember Hitler?)
Jimbo squealed like a little girl...

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he thought, oh, man, ive got to get out of here, and save god, which
will make me a hero, and that made him smiled pleasently

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So as he bent over, ready for the pineapple... just as the devil brough back his arm, ready to ram it up there, Jimbo launched into a full Ninja attack on Satan. 5 minutes later, the devil was lying on the floor with a pineapple up his bottom. Jimbo had won so he broke out of the dungeon and went to save god...

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as soon as god saw jimbo, god said hell yea(no pun intended )
jimbo stopped dead though, he though, hey, maybe, just maybe i can hold him for randsom...

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so he did. but he didnt know who was gonna pay the randsom. but then the peanut came back and told himm...

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Jimbo, be good and release mister God!

but Jimbo thought HELL NO!!! now I've got him I gotta do something usefull with him, but his thinking all took to long and Satan had rised again, with his left arm he tried to get the pineapple out and.....

he pulled it out, bu all the little bristles were stucvk

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..the bristles killed,they pranged, and stang.. his arse bled and..

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now satan became verrrry pissed off, he raised his fist and fired a chain of lighting towards Jimbo....

jimbo was quick to this attack..and ducked...it hit the stone wall behind him..and it caused a avalanche..(of bricks)...''AHHH RUNNNNNNN'' jimbo and satan were doing a marathon....the avalanche was geting closer.....satan and jimbo kept running...until they reached this dead end...a pit of fire..and lava...satan done a somersoult into it..jimbo was impressed and was prepared to do a backflip...wait a min said jimbo..this is fire this will kill me....ahahahaha...but as jimbo was laughing his head off..at the burning satan...

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he blew up

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...pieces of jimbo was everywhere....except for jimbos head..''fuck man! shit!''..he screamed for help...but no-one came...

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god walked over to his head and kicked it into the pit with a vengence.
because of this, god became vengeful, and evil, so he became satan

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THE END

and i'm gonna starta new one

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