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2005-04-20, 03:27
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You gamma-minus fucktards
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Professional loudmouth
So you're in a band starting to become successful, and you've playing at a big night of hard rock at a well known venue. A label is coming to watch you play. It's the cusp of TEH BIGG TIMEZZ!!11
And by the grace of Satan, you see fit to engaged the services of the biggest, rudest, baldest loudmouth in your circle of friends to MC this night.
i.e. Me.
I have never done this before, at least, not in this capacity. I am not entirely sure what to do. My plan so far goes thus:
1) Plan out what has to happen
2) Get drunk, high and probably a little cranked
3) Forget half the plan and just wing it and rely on my natural foul mouth and bastard nature to do the rest.
Any tips? Who's seen a good MC? What did they do or say? All help appreciated. Any stupid responses will be unmercifully flamed.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
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2005-04-20, 03:39
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Forum Daemon
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Most MCs I've seen do a few things:
1. Insult the people they're introducing and the audience in a way that's obviously playful.
2. Talk up the same people they've just insulted.
3. Use the above techniques to make the people who've arrived feel they came for a good reason, since the show'll be a good one.
A usual tactic seems to be to bring up something little-known about your friend and play it up for comedy and then spin it around to also show why he rules.
But most MCs just tell the crowd to get yelling, that the show will rule, and announce the band. I think. I really don't pay attention to the cunts.
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2005-04-20, 03:40
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Life is pain.
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Wing it man!! MC - ing is sooo fun, I've done it before at parties for bands. MAKE IT LOUD AND OVER THE TOP - But also funny
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2005-04-20, 03:46
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Registered Sex Offender
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I've introduced many bands whom I'm friends with. I winged it as well, I mostly teased the crowd and when the band got ready and while they were getting ready. Just find a obvisious feature or fact about the band and use it, worked for me.
__________________
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able, and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" - Epicurus
“I'm as firm as red clay and as constant as... drinkin'. I'm constantly drinkin'.” - Early Cuyler
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2005-04-20, 03:51
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Attorney at Bird Law
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by PST 88
Most MCs I've seen do a few things:
1. Insult the people they're introducing and the audience in a way that's obviously playful.
2. Talk up the same people they've just insulted.
3. Use the above techniques to make the people who've arrived feel they came for a good reason, since the show'll be a good one.
A usual tactic seems to be to bring up something little-known about your friend and play it up for comedy and then spin it around to also show why he rules.
But most MCs just tell the crowd to get yelling, that the show will rule, and announce the band. I think. I really don't pay attention to the cunts.
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You description sounds almost like you're telling him to pretend like he's making a toast at a wedding- simultaneously affront and patronize the entire congregation. The only MC's I've ever seen, heard, or otherwise sensed are Hammer, Lite, and Escher.
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Trust in god, he'll give you shoes!
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2005-04-20, 03:59
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Forum Daemon
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Then he should do it Escher style.
And a concert's as much a ceremony as any wedding. More so, since it means more in today's society. Other nonsense to this effect.
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2005-04-20, 04:14
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Supreme Metalhead
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Most of those MC guys are total assclowns. I think you have a leg up already having learned how to deal with the excessive cuntery on this forum.
Here's the classic way to do it:
"Barry: [ gets up ] Yeah. Okay, what I do is make sure everyone's got their gear on, and I cue their guitars, and I bring 'em out onstage.. [ demos ] ..and I start the mikes and make the sure the scarves are always in the right place.. and then, the most important thing - I gotta do a sound check. [ pulls the mike forward ] "Check. Check. Check 1. Sibilance. Sibilance. Check. Check. Check 2. Sibilance. Sibilance." And that's pretty much what I do."
I've actually been at concerts where the sibilance thing was quoted and it never fails to crack up every drunk bastard in the house.
I think the whole "Hello Cleveland" thing has been overdone, but I'm sure you'll figure something out.
Referring to the audience and band as cunts seems up right up your alley. 
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2005-04-20, 04:41
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Post-whore
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erm Wing it, but have a good collection of CD's to play between bands setting up etc. also a few embaressing stories should be brought up, but only in the right circumstances
thw ehole insulting praising people, works great, but remember people are there to see the band not the MC so if you fuck up it really isn't that much of a big deal.
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omg t3h @x1s p3d@ls @r3 t3h b3st!!!!!!1!!11
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2005-04-20, 05:08
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STUFFED ANIMAL ORGY
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Just please.. no corny jokes.
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"Believe the word
I will unlock my door
And pass the cemetery gates"
"Dimebag" Darrell Lance Abbott
08/20/66 - 12/08/04
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2005-04-20, 06:59
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Master Killer
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combine 2 and 3.
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2005-04-20, 07:05
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Post-whore
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by BLS
Just please.. no corny jokes.
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good thinking BLS. jim, this one is more vital than thrush treatment for dissection, because there's basically no way out of a joke that's bombed out. (that i can think of anyway) |
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2005-04-20, 20:30
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Attorney at Bird Law
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by andrewc
good thinking BLS. jim, this one is more vital than thrush treatment for dissection, because there's basically no way out of a joke that's bombed out. (that i can think of anyway)
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You probably haven't seen Conan O'Brien. He's funnier after one of his bad jokes bomb than he is while nailing a good joke dead on.
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Trust in god, he'll give you shoes!
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2005-04-20, 20:53
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Supreme Metalhead
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What's an MC?
(Forgive me, I'm Swedish)
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seems like you got a case of stupidphobia
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2005-04-20, 22:05
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Feb 2005
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by G_urr_A
What's an MC?
(Forgive me, I'm Swedish)
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Master of Ceremonies. Some assclowns spell it "emcee" just to be gay... |
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2005-04-22, 10:53
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You gamma-minus fucktards
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by BLS
Just please.. no corny jokes.
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No jokes at all. Probably torrents of happy drunken abuse will be closer to the mark.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
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2005-04-22, 11:12
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Pokémon Master
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Make sure you put that on your business card.
Jim, MC
For Torrents of drunken abuse just call me. 
(02) 98 - KANGAROO
__________________
"Press Ctrl+w to enter: The realm of Power Metal!" - a promise from johnmansley
Tonight on CSI: Blashyrkh -
(\_/)
(x.x) (> <)
Somebody has decapitated an innocent rabbit, can Abbath solve this crime before more innocent bunnies are hurt?
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2005-04-22, 13:43
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Post-whore
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Chris Rezendes
You probably haven't seen Conan O'Brien. He's funnier after one of his bad jokes bomb than he is while nailing a good joke dead on.
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all we get here is david letterman. is conan funnier to laugh with (as in cracks a bad joke on purpose and then bags himself hilariously), or to laugh at? |
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2005-04-22, 14:01
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IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by andrewc
all we get here is david letterman. is conan funnier to laugh with (as in cracks a bad joke on purpose and then bags himself hilariously), or to laugh at?
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A combination of the two, to be truthful. |
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2005-04-23, 02:05
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Where the slime live...
Posts: 868
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by andrewc
all we get here is david letterman. is conan funnier to laugh with (as in cracks a bad joke on purpose and then bags himself hilariously), or to laugh at?
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They're about the same overall, but Conan will occasionally do some SERIOUSLY funny shit that is way above anything Letterman is capable of. It's like Mad TV, you have to wade through five hours of mediocrity to see five minutes of the greatest shit ever. |
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2005-04-24, 06:13
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Whorelando, FL
Posts: 589
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by far_beyond_sane
So you're in a band starting to become successful, and you've playing at a big night of hard rock at a well known venue. A label is coming to watch you play. It's the cusp of TEH BIGG TIMEZZ!!11
And by the grace of Satan, you see fit to engaged the services of the biggest, rudest, baldest loudmouth in your circle of friends to MC this night.
i.e. Me.
I have never done this before, at least, not in this capacity. I am not entirely sure what to do. My plan so far goes thus:
1) Plan out what has to happen
2) Get drunk, high and probably a little cranked
3) Forget half the plan and just wing it and rely on my natural foul mouth and bastard nature to do the rest.
Any tips? Who's seen a good MC? What did they do or say? All help appreciated. Any stupid responses will be unmercifully flamed.
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Hire Lizzardboy. He'll shove a drill up his nose and hook shit to his ears and swing it around. Saw him at the Slayer show a couple months back. He's pretty cool. |
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2005-04-24, 16:48
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STUFFED ANIMAL ORGY
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Chicago
Posts: 8,705
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Chris Rezendes
You probably haven't seen Conan O'Brien. He's funnier after one of his bad jokes bomb than he is while nailing a good joke dead on.
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He's irish though...
__________________
"Believe the word
I will unlock my door
And pass the cemetery gates"
"Dimebag" Darrell Lance Abbott
08/20/66 - 12/08/04
R.I.P. |
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2005-04-25, 05:55
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Forum Daemon
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So is Jim.
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2005-04-25, 07:31
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You gamma-minus fucktards
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Sydney.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by PST 88
So is Jim.
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Man's got a point.
I'm really looking forward to this little job. I hope it lives up to my expectations. Things rarely do, but this might...
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
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2005-04-26, 11:16
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You gamma-minus fucktards
Forum Leader
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Tee hee. I'm going to run one of these.
Can people recommend me some songs which are:-
1. Death metal...
2. ...with totally indecipherable lyrics...
3. ...that isn't TOO heavy...
4. ...which start off with a good solid kick and get into vocal parts without too much chordage.
Iniquity is perfect. More like that.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
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2005-04-26, 12:36
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C-Un(i)t
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I'd go for some Origin, otherwise newer Cannibal Corpse or, if you can handle it Wormed.
A track from each I'd recommend to suit your list:
Origin - Awaken The Suffering
Wormed - Dehydrating
Cannibal Corpse - Bent Backwards And Broken
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2005-04-27, 03:23
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Where the slime live...
Posts: 868
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by far_beyond_sane
Tee hee. I'm going to run one of these. |
Cannibal Corpse - Hammer Smashed Face or almost any other song off of "Tomb of the Mutilated". That album is totally upbeat and completely unintelligible... |
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2005-04-27, 04:33
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Forum Daemon
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Good call Kylito. I like early CC for this.
Mr. Bungle - Merry Go Bye-Bye (lead with it)
Gorguts - Earthly Love
Pig Destroyer - Pretty in Casts
Cephalic Carnage - Rebellion
Cryptopsy - Lichmistress
Akercocke - Enraptured by Evil
Augury - ... Ever Know Peace Again
Morbid Angel - Chapel of Ghouls
I know that Morbid Angel isn't incomprehensible at all, and I haven't listened to all these songs all the way through recently, but some should work. Or at least amuse.
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2005-04-27, 05:06
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Pokémon Master
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Are we talking EXTREMELY totally indecipherable??
You can go with some stuff like -
Upbeat (mostly wait ABOOT 20 seconds untill 'singing'):
Cock And Ball Torture - Enema Bulldozer
Gronibard - Cripple Bitch (Gut cover - cuts out the porn intro and has nicer guitars
& french people)
Gorerotted - Zombie Graveyard Rape Bonanza
Captain Cleanoff - Adidas
Rompeprop - Vaginal Luftwaffe (though the intro to this song might be a bit long for what you want (i.e. 30 seconds)
Just noisy:
Circle Of Dead Children - Bring Her A Mushroom Cloud Pt. 1
Fuck ...Im Dead - Anal Abattoir
Gigantic Brain - UnderPiglet crawls the Earth at high Speeds eating anything with a Heartbeat
Embalming Theatre - She Ate Her Flesh (I love the chorus to this song!!!)
Leng Tch'e - Mosh Of The Clowns (It says bad things about emo kids turning into black metalers, how can you go wrong?)
Most ESPECIALLY:
Last Days Of Humanity - Intoxicated (This is the ultimate in undecipherable shit)
So let me get this specifically straight: you are going to take 1 metal song and make people do some Kareoke? (but with better spelling)
If you want actual lyrics, some of those might be out as they are just people grunting, or are totally perverted, and nobody would, in their right mind sing along, even after 15 beers. If this is the case, I will think again for you.
__________________
"Press Ctrl+w to enter: The realm of Power Metal!" - a promise from johnmansley
Tonight on CSI: Blashyrkh -
(\_/)
(x.x) (> <)
Somebody has decapitated an innocent rabbit, can Abbath solve this crime before more innocent bunnies are hurt?
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2005-04-27, 06:08
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Post-whore
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Add to this Fuck...I'm Dead - Army of Hermaphrodites. Perfect, as it's heavy for a while, has a ridiculously catchy part in the middle, then back into the brutality.
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2005-04-27, 06:58
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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you could play some bezerker, that is pretty up beat......
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omg t3h @x1s p3d@ls @r3 t3h b3st!!!!!!1!!11
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2005-05-06, 04:55
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You gamma-minus fucktards
Forum Leader
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Well!
I started by getting drunk. Not just having a few beers, I got D.R.U.N.K., the kind of drunk where I'll cheerfully call a stranger a miserable queef-gurgling crotch thief.
That probably helped.
All the carefully planned stuff sort of went to hell, and, well, I winged it. The Death Metal Karaoke would have worked great except for the lack of volunteer (they were roundly called faggots) - thanks for all the stuff on that. I ended up doing the last band's intro in nothing but underwear and army boots and screaming nothing more than rampant abuse at the crowd.
Afterwards, no-one said ANYTHING. I was well please with my anarchy.
Anyway, some promotions company rang me up today and asked me if I MC gigs. How about that, eh? I'm meeting their clown in a few hours. We'll see what the story is.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
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2005-05-06, 05:17
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C-Un(i)t
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Hahaha!
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2005-05-06, 05:43
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Pokémon Master
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Join Date: Jul 2003
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Glad to see that it worked out. Now you just need to be 'in demand'!
__________________
"Press Ctrl+w to enter: The realm of Power Metal!" - a promise from johnmansley
Tonight on CSI: Blashyrkh -
(\_/)
(x.x) (> <)
Somebody has decapitated an innocent rabbit, can Abbath solve this crime before more innocent bunnies are hurt?
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2005-05-06, 07:02
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Where the slime live...
Posts: 868
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by far_beyond_sane
Afterwards, no-one said ANYTHING. I was well please with my anarchy.
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Awesome. That's the mark of genius when you are able to completely shock a crowd of drunken idiots into silence. |
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2005-05-14, 14:57
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You gamma-minus fucktards
Forum Leader
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Y'all ain't going to believe this...
In the last week, I have had THREE calls from people asking if I MC things.
I have told them all yes... for I am Dr. Cuntsworthy, Professional Loudmouth!
Even that kind of egotistical bullshit didn't stop them. Wacky shit! Further reports of my gig progress to follow.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
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2005-05-14, 15:14
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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That is damn funny stuff. A star is born.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2005-06-15, 16:39
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You gamma-minus fucktards
Forum Leader
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I have a gig on CHRISTMAS EVE at a large club. Balls expecting rockage. And I get to dress up as Santa Claus.
Oh, and get this - I insisted, INSISTED, that my character be called Cunt Santa. They said "Of course!"
Sometimes, things are just stuff.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
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2005-06-15, 16:46
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But why is the rum gone ?
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Keeping the Groove going and staying out of Treble
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death-leprosy ...has everything except the indecipherable lyrics
cryptopsy-open face surgery
aborted-meticulous invagination,sanguine verses
deeds of flesh-cleansed by fire
carcass-corporeal jigsaw quandary,incarnate solvent abuse
heamorrhage-deranged for loathesome
demilich-the 16th 6 toothed son
__________________
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Guitarists are just people who could Never make it as a Bassist
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www.riversofgore.com
Join The Forum CUNT |
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2005-06-15, 17:13
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Master Killer
Alumni Staff
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Join Date: Feb 2002
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by far_beyond_sane
I have a gig on CHRISTMAS EVE at a large club. Balls expecting rockage. And I get to dress up as Santa Claus.
Oh, and get this - I insisted, INSISTED, that my character be called Cunt Santa. They said "Of course!"
Sometimes, things are just stuff.
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haha, that's hilarious man, sounds like good fun!
come MC shows in Holland, I'm sure you'de enjoy yourself! (and won't find your hotel at the end of the evening, haha) |
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