We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca

"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
-Samuel Goldwyn

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper
in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before."
Dwight Eisenhower

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle

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uhhhh....this is a little unnerving

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any part of my body." -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
hahahahaha

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haha...I'm trying to decipher his state of the union address as i type this.

No jest?

I think he meant the first George Bush...

I heard a good one today. My buddy called Cingular because he phone was broke and the recording said something like "if you are calling with a broken phone, please hang up and use a touch tone phone".

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"i called up this place to get an intervew for a job and they lady asks, do you have phone skills? .....i called you didnt i?!"

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"Hey man, have you heard the new Linkin Park album? Great stuff!" -someguy

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"This is going to drugs right? I dont wanna be spending money on anything stupid"

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"read my lips..."

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"We are not afraid of the Americans. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."

"We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."

Of US troops: "They are most welcome. We will butcher them."

"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

''It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don't know why they were fired into Kuwait."

Iraqi Information Minister

i saw this on american election night

why did you vote for bush?

woman in ohio "my husband"
soldier in florida " in the army you have to"

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A guy from my col. writing class said this the other day when we were discussing the Iraqies who are giving their lives to have a democracy, "you can give them our constitution, we don't use it." Funny. Wait, but that's not really stupid. never mind....

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That constitution will prolly give anyone constipation.


And for the quote:

I will live forever, or die trying.
unknown dude

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Haha, his best one was:

"There are no American troops in Baghdad." *American tank rolls into the camera shot*

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I asked a guy at the food court at the mall for a toothpick, and he's like:
"What do you need it for?" I shit you not, guys, I was fucking blown away.
I always thought the name was self explanatory, but for some people that just doesn't seem to cut it.

my friend - "can i have a 52 gauge low E please"
Guy behin Dawnson's Counter - "Is that for an acoustic?"

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iraqi information minister is by far the coolest guy to ever come out of iraq


there is no us occupation in baghdad. there are no tanks here

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"Only idiots quote themselves"- me

That made me laugh too much.

"Well you know with this band, you don't really have to be that good, you just have to look good you know? Yeah, you can mostly play most of our songs with one hand. And whenever you get a chance, pump your fists in the air cuz the kids just get stoked. So pump your fist in the air like this, cuz that's pretty Iron Maiden." -Vocalist for Throwdown

LOL where did you hear that?

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On an episode of Battle for Ozzfest....

great thread

i talk about metal with my friends and sometimes some ignorant mall goths will come up and say "is black metal, nigger metal?" or even more ignorant, "is grindcore skating metal?" i'm serious, they have both been said to me.

one of my mates is a completely random idiot, some of his ramblings include: (and imagine these said in a semi-robert barone style voice)

at a sleepover, when we both were nearly asleep: "big bricks are funny."

hitting the table in the canteen: "durr, there should be a subject called mashing the table."

on a bad computer during aries (PC repair subject): "the only bad thing about this computer is that it was made in taiwan."

when we teased him about being thick enough to fall in the gap between two train carriages: "train has wheels that go round."

locky: ohh, zach fucks constipated mooses!
zach: what's so bad about mooses?

when bored: "bloody blazer has guns and potato cakes."

and there are many thousands more but there are just a few.

he sounds like a laugh.

i new a bird long time ago who was a bit stupid.
all these were serious.
"why dont they make vegetarian baked beans?"
(she was a veggie, but thought sausages were vegetarian. she had a fit when we told her what they were)
"why do they make rizla packets different colours?"

and once, sat outside smoking on a particularly cold day, she had a panic attack because she thought she had smoked too much, and would breath out smoke for the rest of her life, even when she wasn't smoking.

nobody could be that stupid could they? maybe she was joking and deserves an oscar. i dont think so.

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hahahaha, good work! yeah my mate is a laugh.

we have a chick like that at school, in business studies we were learning how to fill out tax returns and it said something like "state your spouses annual income" and she goes "is a spouse a child?"

also in english she was just pointing out random peoples names "that's andrew, that's jarryd, that's blake" and so on, and my mate goes "very good now, can you count to 10?"

they're quite frustrating sometimes though, when you just want to learn and someone slows the whole class down with moronic questions

That chick's name isn't Maddy is it? dumb with big tits?

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no, her names monique. dumb with small to medium sized tits. and also brown hair (probably dyed )