Metallica - leave alchohol on the band bus.

Static X - Replace Wayne's hairspray with pink spray paint.

Slipkot - Put superglue on the inside of their masks.

Any super trad BM band - Publicly give each member a kitten, and promise them a truck of beer if they keep the kittens alive for a year.

Korn - turn the fan up so the guitar strings break.

Yes. Sugest away.

__________________

give ozzy more bats...yeah ha that was lame I know.

__________________

put a rightside up cross on the guy from deicides face

__________________

Pee in The Monkees bass drum cuz I never got a fan letter back.

__________________

hey hey were the monkeys and people say we monkey around were too busy singing to put anybody down, were just trying to be freindly....i dont know the rest

__________________

Poison Fred Dursts next twinky, or pay the doctor to screw up his unmidget surgery.

I'll come up with more better ones soon.

awesome thread this!!

give seth putnam tickets to a six feet under show
mis-give mortician directions, so the movie marathon they go to is entirely chick flicks

ok those ones sucked ^^^

replace any BM band's corpsepaint items, with chick's make up items (hahaha carpathian forest prancing about on-stage with powdered noses and bright purple lipstick )
cant think of any else really

Seth Putnam \m/

Taking Seth to a Gay and Lesbian Mardi Graz (spelling?). Or would he have fun there...? lol

superglue a dildo onto the head of that rap-vocalist from linkin park

shave everybodys head in cannibal corpse

this went from clever to downright stupid

__________________

Wow. That would really piss of Jack Owen if he woke up one day and his head was shaved.


Instead of doing that, you should leave a lot of eerie reminders of the fact that he publicly promised he'd kill himself upon turning 27, but didn't. I'm sure enough of that could drive him to suicide. If, y'know, that's what you wanted to do.

I wouldn't mind hiding in various tour buses and beating the bands taking them with pvc piping. That would be a hilarious prank. I'd get Harmony Korine to film it.

__________________

I would kill whoever did that and I'll kick you in the balls for suggesting that.

__________________

Shave Cannibal Corpse's head

Lynch every artist on BET.

OMG JOKE!

__________________

NIGGA!

__________________

1. Go back in time to when Corey from Slipknot was being born and strangle him with his umbelical cord.
2. Cut the vocal cords off of Jonathon from Korn
3. Glue the rest of Korn down to the floor so they would stop jumping around.
4. Put Vince Neil on the Subway Deit
5. Go back in time and give James Hetfield the window seat (instead of Cliff Buton)
6.Take the guy from Dashboard Confessionals and pull his intestines out of his ass and strangle him until his eyes pop out. Then force the rest of the band to feast on his corpse.
7. Go to an Artreyu concert and laugh.
8. Piss all over blink 182
9. Put Good Charlet in a mosh pit
10. Finally put Limp Bizcut on a diserted island.

__________________

not even funny. not at all.

Play foosball with the drummer from def leppard

__________________

Hahah! that was good.

__________________

I thought Tim Owen just left Cannibal Corpse....meh, I'd like to sneak in during Britney Spears's next plastic surgery and get her a sex change. hahahahaha...

__________________

Sneak on Britney Spears's tour bus and do her. Boy that would piss her off.

EDIT: That was a coincidence.

__________________

I would like to replace KoRn's 7 string guitars with 6 sting guitar just before a show.

__________________

good one soul....

I'd like to steal James Hetfield's beenie and shave the choppers off his chin.

__________________

Hahahhahahaaaaa, that would be a sight!

__________________

I dont get it??

He can be a kicker, a Quarterback... and catch

im sure its 100% possible to play football with one arm.

now golf... yeh he'd suck at golf

__________________

And ther WAS!!! ...a one armed football star...Ellis Jones, died in March 2002 (I just looked it up go me!)

__________________

I thought he lost a leg too?

__________________

no

__________________

he said foosball dude. thats the game where you stand at a table and you have these little guys attached to a poll that you spin around and shit, and he has one arm so he would suck at it

__________________

Damn that s!

__________________

...one hell of a misunderstanding..

I'd like to cut Static X's hair off before a concert......shit does anyone remember that band? What ever happened to them? They sort of fell of the face of the earth ever since they were big about 6 years ago.

__________________

I would also like to rub any boyband's mics in poo just before they perform.

__________________

oooo I bet they'd like that.

__________________

About Static -X: They just released a new compilation CD. Theyre still going strong. Man, I loved Wisconsin Death Trip, Machine wasnt too bad, and Shadow Zone was a pile of fuck.

Now Static-X is one of the... different bands that I do like. Not all of it, but I do enjoy most of it. They're a comedy show and they know it. They just have fun with it, but some of it sounds great. They have some good guitar tone too, IMO.

No flames please!

__________________

__________________

Jack Owen, mate. Tim Owens is Iced Earth

Made damn well sure the guy from bon jovie (sp?) got on that helicopter, rather then Stevie ray.

__________________

Decapitate cattle in front of Cattle Decapitation

Destroy pigs in front of Pig Destroyer

__________________

take away the stupid u-bar on korns guitars so they detune when they do their shitty "solos".

__________________

Oh foo.

Make Korn watch gay porn (read the lyrics of Faget).
Get Eminem intoxicated and buy him a gay whore.
Make Varg go to church.
Hook up any emo band member with a complete airhead so she annoys the fuck out of them but they wouldn't have any guts to dump her.

__________________

hah, they'de be like 'what is this for guitar? I can't play this!' and cancell the show

If any Owens left, it was Jack. Tim Owens is best known as the 'Ripper,' and that's best known as a band that isn't Judas Priest or Cannibal Corpse. Sorry.

__________________

mercury in corpsepaint

__________________

Is anyone like... even trying to be funny?

__________________

why would it be funny, it says nasty things you would like to do, and my ambition is to create a special new corpsepaint, in which the active ingredient is mercury.

i would also like to tiew down 6 of the members of slipknot and have them play a set with just 3 for some die hard slipknot fans and see if they notice a difference (apart from visually)

__________________

See the two innocent looking, happy smillies? Yeah...

__________________

Stop Ozzy from ever having Ozzfest to prevent that wave of nu-metal.

__________________

My mistake. Jack Owen left Cannibal Corpse about a month ago or something.

__________________

Did he really? I'm really off the ball. Shit. Any idea why?

__________________

He didn't feel right or something anymore like his heart is in the wrong place.....yadda yadda yadda, same ol' same ol' *yawn*.

__________________

he wanted to do more country/blues shit
shit like

"i gotta hole in my picket, i gotta hole in my pocket, i gotta hole in my pocket and i think i done lost my weed"

__________________

He must have found out CANNIBALCORPSE prefers Pat O'Brien to him. I'm sure that would shatter his confidence. Especially because it's right to prefer Pat.

I wonder what he's up to now. If it's stupid, we'll have to come up with a creative way to fuck it over in this thread.

__________________

From Blabbermouth:

Owen has spent the last few months moonlighting in ADRIFT, a new "emotive, aggro hard-rock" band also featuring ex-EPITAPH/RESURRECTION drummer Kevin Astl. The group are scheduled to perform at Masquerade in Ybor City in Florida on May 22, to be followed by a "showcase" gig at Whisky A-Go Go in West Hollywood, California on May 27.

those dates are 2004 so yeah it has been a while.

__________________

Goddammit. 'Emotive aggro hard-rock'?

__________________

Back to topic...I'd like to cut zombie's hair off before a concert. haha, I don't think he has EVER had short hair either....

__________________

Or have a jumprope contest.

__________________

I'd like to remove Fred Durst's anal pubes with rusty tweezers and superglue them to his head. Some of them may even have 'men in the rigging' so that would be extra delightful.

With his new hirsute image, I'd take him to the zoo and beg for him to be returned to his family in the monkey house. There he can prance like a primate to his heart's content whilst openly masturbating in front of frail grandmothers who shake their heads in disapproval. He may even appear to be vaguely attractive to some of the present incumbants and find love, although whether the chimps will stoop to his level of intelligence is another matter.

I'm sure he'd fit right in with his large pink hole spewing forth vast amounts of shit for all to witness. As well as his mouth, he'd have his large freshly plucked anus to compare with his new friends. Maybe his new friends could teach Fred how to perform simple tasks like putting a cylinder into a circular hole or drawing simple shapes and figures.

Eventually, when poor Freddy pops his clogs, I'd like to see his cadaver submitted to the Natural History Museum in London. I'm sure the anthropologists there would have a field day in trying to classify him - they could even reveal that Fred was indeed 'the missing link' between apes and simple algae.

Maybe after this analysis has taken place and Fred goes down in scientific history, his preserved liver could be transplanted into George Best. Old Georgie will probably have drunk everyone elses' livers to oblivion by then so Fred's liver may be George's only hope of surviving to last orders on Saturday night.

And so my plans for Fred Durst end.

__________________

The Ripper singing Cannibal Corpse... that would be interesting

__________________

Korn actually do use all 7 strings in some songs....just not effectively.

__________________

I would rather just take the 7 string guitars AND keep the 6 string guitars also...

__________________

despite my hatred for Korn, their energy on stage is quite impressive. no band should ever be flamed for jumping around on stage and having a lot of energy, no matter how much they suck

Agreed. As I Lay Dying is probally the most energetic band I've seen live. If they just stood still, the show would suck of course. Well, most metalcore bands are very energetic live. Because when the band has a lot of energy, you have a lot of energy which is a good formula for a kick ass show. But thats just common sense.

__________________

yea, ive seen them four times and it never gets old. i do have to revise my previous statement though. sometimes, the energy can just get ridiculous. example: Slipknot. i had the misfortune of seeing them with Slayer and they were absolute fucking idiots. thats different though... im sure most of you will understand what i mean

EDIT: but at the same time, it can sometimes be good if a band just stands still. i saw Phish live and they weren jumping around. Hell, i think Trey stood in the same place for probably 3/4 of the show, but it was still amazing. it all depends on the circumstances

That seems like a nasty thing to do to both of them. Convince Ripper he's doing an Iced Earth show, and convince CC that Corpsegrinder's just taking more time than usual with his coiffure, hit the lights, get everybody set up, and suddenly it's Ripper trying to sing the Glorious Burder over The Wretched Spawn. Now that I think about it, that's a bit of a nasty thing to do to the audience, unless they're all in on the joke. Which they shouldn't be; why let anybody off? You could ruin a lot of concerts with this tactic. Hmm. Too bad I still like both the Ripper and Cannibal Corpse. Maybe it'd be better to stick Corpsegrinder in the Iced Earth line up. Or do something to Jon Schaffer. Like force him to allow somebody else to write a song or two.

Very nice, John. How that man got to play guitar with Jimmy Page just astounds and infuriates me.

__________________

I have seen korn once live and they where actually very good. So good that I actually enjoyed the music. altough the first part of the show one of the guitar players just stood there but then after a few songs he started moving.

__________________

exactly. i took my little brother to one of their shows and i thought i was going to have to shoot myself, but i ended up enjoying it. the singing was very very low in the mix, which was awesome.

Thats just mean...

you sick sick man!

__________________

I know. You're right. I really crossed a line there, and I apologize to Mr. Schaffer and his family for any undue suffering I may have caused by making a joke about such a touchy subject. And also to any of the other forum members I may have offended with my tastelessness.

__________________

apology accepted

__________________

hah that sounded almost like sarcasm.

__________________

Your mom sounded almost like sarcasm.

__________________

Just do that and teach the bassist how to not smack the bass to death and I MIGHT be able to stand them.

OMGWTFPIZZOWNED!!!

__________________

Pizza!!!!!

to make this post not worthless......

Steal Alice Cooper's makeup before a concert.

__________________

He is scarier looking without it now days

__________________

verry true. it now serves to hide his blemishes and detract attention from his bloodshot eyes.

i think it would be ammusing to replace barnes special stashes of green leaves with oak leaves, maybe then he might realise he has become a faggot.

__________________

Dont plan on it

__________________