Anyone know any REALLY nasty baby jokes. I'm not talking about babies in microwaves etc., I'm talking:

Q. Whats the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
A. You dont cum on an apple before you eat it.

I also like:

Q. What do you get if you stick a knife in a baby?
A. A boner

Hahahahaha. I don't know any others, i even asked around. But those two were great, keep 'em coming

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q. What cracks when you fuck it?
a. A toddler's pelvis

Q. What's red, screaming and covered in pus?
A. A skinned baby in a bag of salt

Not a baby one but good anyway:

A man goes to the doctors. He's called into the appointement and the doctor asks what the problem is.
The man says, "well, I was hoping to organise an aids test for my daughter."
The doctor replies, "OK, how old is you daughter"
"shes thirteen next week" the man replies
The doctor, rather surprised, asks, "is she sexually active?"
The man answers, "Oh no, she just lies there and takes it like her mother."

Dead baby jokes are fucking sick, and stupid. But the last joke was amusing.

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pedephile

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Thats what's good about them. Sick jokes are the best

I agree.

Three priests were in a boat on a lake with some little boys.

A leak sprang in the boat. The first priest says "Quick, we must save the boys."

The second priest says "Fuck the boys"

The third says "Do we have time?"



And shut the fuck up Dissection.

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not to mention more over used than "Your Mom" jokes..

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I'm not sure I like this thread. At all. How fucking tasteless.

Thats fuckin nasty...

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ok then..

when will someone close this??

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haha it's sad but I thought it was kinda funny.

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I'll close it, though I'm only closing it because it is morally wrong. Rightfully, I shouldn't be doing this. If anyone has any objections and finds this "funny", PM me and I'll re-open it and forever hate you.

Okay, since I have received a PM from a certain someone (Dystopia), I'm going to re-open it. I now hate you forever. Fuck this thread, don't blame me if it gets closed again.

Dystopia is t3h GHEY

ro rizzle

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Q - What's the worst part about eating bald pussy?...
A - Putting the diaper back on.

Q - What's the best part about a little girl learning to crawl?...
A - If she can crawl, she can assume the position.

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Q- What grows louder as it gets smaller?
A- A baby in a trash compactor

also, not a baby joke but still funny
Theres a priest, a rabbi, and a minister in a boat...
dissection sucks

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you annoy me

Andrew whats your problem I've never said anything to you before except for after recieving your shit, why dont you go listen to some emo and cry it out of your system.

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Read the newb thread.

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I dont understand your point, and anyways i've been here longer than you and andrew. (not to be taken Condescendingly)

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Usually I wont contribute to threads that don't interest me but on this very rare occasion I will: this thread is in the poorest fucking taste imaginable - you sick bastards.

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i dont give a fuck how long you've been here, and i never said you said something to me. you just annoy the shit out of me

Whatever man i dont give a shit, ive always been completley civil in metaltabs ive never tried to upset anyone. If you want to talk shit on the internet for no good reason go ahead because i know that if this where real life you wouldnt say shit to me because if you did youd get punched in the fucking face. People like you act tough on the internet because it safe, only chumps talk shit, so shut the fuck up. If you find something i do annoying keep it to yourself, or if you must why dont you try fucking asking me to stop like an adult; not that i even know what it is that you think ive done wrong.

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Maybe if i critisized everyone like an asshole i'd have 511 posts to.

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A) i would gladly say the exact thing i just said to your face
B) shut the fuck up

Look your the only person here whose ever given me any shit here, so the problem obviously lies within you. This argument is pointless and is probably starting to annoy others, so im just not going to respond after this.

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fine by me faggot, you cant annoy me if you dont respond

both of you stfu . Its already a useless thread.

Jesus, what's the problem with this thread? If you are offended by sick jokes, then don't read them. It's a bit of harmless fun. we don't actually fuck babies, just like death metal bands dont actually disembowel people... chill

yea... uh... we dont.. uh.... fuck babies.....

well i was speaking for myself...

You fucking annoy me.




5. Necropedophile

I was once a man before I transformed
into this molester, freshly deceased children
You have born, torn by my rape
The dead are not safe, the lifeless child corpse
I will violate

Pleasure from the dead, complete satisfaction
I open the coffin
Sick thoughts run through my head as I stare
At the dead, over and over, I can't escape
I begin the dead sex, licking her young, rotted orifice
I cum in her cold cunt, shivering with ecstasy
for nine days straight I do the same
She becomes by dead, decayed child sex slave
her neck I hack, cutting through the back
I use her mouth to eject

Here I cum, blood gushes from
bleeding black blood
her head disconnected
As I came, viciously I cut, through her jugular vein
She's already dead, I masturbate with her severed head
My lubrication, her decomposition
Spending my life molesting dead children

Intercourse with infants
Curing heads on top of spikes
boiling skulls
Skin sliding off of bones

Voices
The voices call
Voices
The voices are calling me
Buried dead I've spiritually infected
Call to me from beyond their graves

Bleed
I now bleed pus
I bleed, the blood of the dead
I bleed on her livid skin
Thrusting myself within
Beginning to chop through her hairless crotch
Beyond what we know as death
It haunts me everyday
I hear the voice of every child
That lies next to me decayed
A fresh corpse, to fill with my infection
Tortured before death, no orifice left unfilled

Violated after death
Virgin hole I infest
Anal pore spewing cess
The sacred juice I injest
Your dead child I defile
Necropedophile

I love this song.

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whos that by? OTT lyrics are great

thats actually a damn good point

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Cannibal Corpse, man.

And you people aren't funny. Andrew1331's and VikingPower's jokes had no punchlines, they just sounded like stupid bitching. I believe there's another thread for that.

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hahaha that was awesome\m/

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A good joke thread I would like but this baby jokes thread is wrong. I don't post in threads I don't like, but I am making an exception this time and posting how sick this shit makes me. Consider this my protest.

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You sick pedophile f*cks.

you the one that kiled the dinosours because you masterbated





























great episode of family guy

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hehe yes it was...

What's the difference between a dead baby and a pile of salt? You can't pick up salt with a pitch fork.


Oh man these used to be huge when I was in grade 8-9...

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What's the difference between a trampolene and a baby?
When you jump on a baby you don't take your boots off.

What's worse than smoking pot with a dead baby?
Making a bong out of it.

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The lyrics to this song fucking suck, just like 98% of all Cannibal Corpse lyrics. The jokes in this shitty thread remind me of the Cannibal Corpse forums I used to go on a lot, where everyone talks about skullfucking people when they get mad, and people pretending to be serial murderers. Obviously nobody here is pretending to be something they are not, but some of you take your gore too seriously. No offense to any of you, it's just bothersome to me. That's all I really have to say about all of this.

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It's already been mentioned on this thread once or twice already, but I'll take the liberty of saying it again.

It's all in fun. We don't really fuck dead babies or cut off people's limbs and masturbate with them or any of the sick shit any of us might talk about. Its all a joke or a way of letting out anger. Sometimes, it's even a little bit of a high for people like me who have a "shock value", as it's called. It's all just a joke.

Oh, and just to let you know, Cannibal Corpse lyrics are the shit. They go into detail using a free verse poetry method which is actually pretty tough if you consider putting it to gut-ripping death metal music.

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I'm offended by sick jokes. But, I'm a moderator. I moderate this forum. Keep it in order. Filter out the bad stuff. This is bad stuff. Understand?

im offended!!

seriously...

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...but I IMed you.

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Nihilist, if you find this thread to be pointless and offending, why haven't you shut it down yet? You're the "Moderator", right?

By the way. I do understand...

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He did close it. It was opened up again at Dystopia's request, earning him Nihilst's undying hatred. All you had to do was a little reading, Mr. Free Verse.

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So? I'm stating what I think. An opinion. I re-opened it because you wanted it to be, you cunt. I was replying to the "if you don't like the jokes, don't read the thread in the first place". In reply, THAT IS MY JOB. They aren't funny, by the way.

I'll let you kids laugh up the tasteless jokes, however.

(Whoops, this was directed at Dystopia.)

I have somthing for all you sick minded bastards here that love shocking stuff. Watch these

Kid walking home from school and gets smoked by a car.

Watch where you are walking you dumb bitch!

Take them out.

Watch the body parts fly.

Wait for the ending... Shotgun!!!

He will never try that again.

Suicide LA

12 killings in one.

These dudes love head.

Freebird.... OH SHIT!!!!

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Ok, so let me get this straight...The "Moderator" is going to open up a thread that he finds to be sick and inapropriate at the request of someone that he probably never liked in the first place...ok, then.

"Tasteless"? So, you're complaining that people aren't respecting your opinion, but you call jokes that other people clearly find funny "tasteless"?...Wow.

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Soon are you going to spurt "freedom of speach"
i wouldnt be so iritated if it remained as it did at the start, with just jokes, but all the other shit has put this thread off-topic.

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I agree totally. So now that us sick bastards can laugh at our "tasteless" jokes, let them continue.

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It's not Nihilist's job as a moderator to censor or shut down what he doesn't like. He shut it down because he found it offensive, but at the same time realized that it's not his job to shut down what's offensive to him if it's harmless. He's a moderator, not the FCC.

And calling jokes 'tasteless' is, once again, an opinion. He's stating his, but not forcing it on you, so I don't see the logical contradiction you're implying you found in his statement. He's allowing you to think it's funny while he finds it tasteless. What's the problem?

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The moderator (why do you have quotation marks surrounding the word?) in this case, closed the thread because, wait for it.. it is MORALLY WRONG. I shouldn't have, because there is no rule against it - but I can always close this again if need be. I have the right to, there isn't anything to say I can't close threads at my own discretion now, is there? Read the first page, you dolt. It'll make life easier for the both of us. I gave all of you sick-minded individuals a 2nd chance to showcase your larynx-shatteringly HILARIOUS jokes, don't go ruining it now.

Damn right they are tasteless. I'm sure many people would agree. Now, drop it.

He's "Allowing" me to think its funny? So does that mean I'm "Allowing" him to call a joke tasteless?

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I'm sure you'd have every right to close it now that people are challenging your authority, but I'll leave that at your discretion.

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I'm not so sure closing the thread would really stop poeple from challaging the mods. It's like they are daring the mods to restrict them. Once closed the "MAN is putt'in me down" thing is started. I Think Nilly is doing the right thing, but if shit keeps getting pushed then accounts should start getting baned.

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No, you're not. You're saying that, when he says it's tasteless, he's somehow enforcing something on you and should stop it. That's not 'allowing,' it's 'contesting.' A dictionary should help clear up any confusion.

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nihilist, i dont mean to be contradictory on purpose, but i find your opinions on dead baby jokes being "morally wrong" to be rather hypocritical considering you are not just a fan, but you personally know a certain band called intense hammer rage, who are battling for their freedom because a bunch of cunts couldnt see the funny side of their pedophilia-based lyrical topics (bunch of cunts = tasmanian police) with one notorious song title being "fucking dead babies cos im a sick cunt."

otherwise, lets try and get this back on topic.

Q. whats yellow and sinks to the bottom of the pool?
A. baby with slashed floaties.

Q. whats green and at the bottom of the pool?
A. same baby a week later.

Q. whats red, yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
A. floaties with slashed baby.

also got some REALLY dirty pedophilia jokes.

I'm not being contradictory, OR hypocritical, by any means. How do you figure that one? Just because I associate, and am a fan of the band doesn't mean I agree with their sense of humour. I will not totally distance myself from such a trivial thing just because they base their lyrics/song titles over taboo stuff, such as this. I don't find it funny, that is all. It isn't like they practice paedophilia. It isn't like they talk about it constantly either. Like I've said all along, I will let you guys have at it. I'm not closing it because the majority of you find this sorta stuff funny, god knows why. WHICH IS FUCKING WHY IT IS STILL OPEN! And like I said in the first place - if anyone had a problem with me closing it, all someone had to do is PM me. Which happened. So what's the problem?

Also, they aren't battling for their freedom. They fought, and lost, about a year or 2 ago. They got a fine, that is it.

Hell, I find dead baby jokes funny, and I'm quite politically corect and I don't enjoy gore too much.

Q. What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?

A. You can't use a pitchfork on the bowling balls.

Q. What's black and blue and doesn't lack sex?

A. The dead kid in my basement.

Q. What's better than two 15 year olds?

A. 15 two year olds.

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Q = What's funnier than a dead baby?
A = A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

Q = What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
A = Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.

Q = Why did the baby cross the road?
A = It was chained to my bumper.

Q = How do you get ten dead babies into a bowl?
A = With a blender.

Q = How do you get them out?
A = Tortilla chips.

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I laughed my ass off but I feel kinda sick...

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Ya know, as I recall a long ago acquaintance of mine knew of a very large hardback book of dead baby jokes. He told me horrid jokes everyday too but thankfully I don't remember them all.
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ? A pedophile's arse

What's worse than smoking pot with a baby? Making a bong out of it

here's a joke but it's not about babies.....

This guy seems to have a problem with feeling himself up because he feels the need to do it everywhere. Even while he's in his car waiting on something. So one day as he's fixing his tire under his car on some incline, he peeks around to see if anyone is around. Soon enough he yanks open his zipoper, closes his eyes and starts. Then a cop comes by and asks what he's doing, and the guy replies, "uhhh, I'm just fixing my tire." He's so freaked that his eyes are clamped shut. "well sir, to grieve you then that your car rolled down the hill a couple minutes ago."

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Just to clarify, I didn't start this thread to challenge nihilist's authority. I started it cos I wanted more haby jokes. If it causes big problems for people then close it. I can live without it.

morbid+roach, those jokes were fucking good.

Q. Whats the best thing about 28 year-olds?
A. Theres 20 of them...

Q. Whats the best thing about fucking an 8 year-old in the shower?
A. When her hair's wet she looks 6

Yeah, I don't care if this thread gets locked again....

I was about to say something along the lines of that.

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Q = How do you know when a baby is dead?
A = The dog plays with it more.

Q = How do you make a dead baby float?
A = Take your foot off its head.

Q = What's brown and gurgles?
A = A baby in a casserole.

Q = How do you make a baby crawl in circles?
A = Nail one of its hands to the floor.

Q = What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A = A baby tied up in a plastic bag.

Q = What do you get when you fuck a pregnant chick?
A = A baby with two black eyes and cum breath.

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Pshhhh, you just typed "dead baby" in google and picked up the first site there.

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...So what? They're funny aren't they?

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anybody could have done that, its not all that funny, and we dont need a thread full of the information of the first site you found on g(h)oo(ul)gle.

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This thread sucks...

Nihilly.. you shoulda kept this closed.

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Alright, then. I know when to shut the fuck up...shutting up, nnnnnnnow.

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Here I am, dilligently dishing out the dead baby jokes I learnt during my lifetime and someone cheats and uses google! YOU MAKE THIS BAD FOR EVERYBODY! WAHH!

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The hell with closed, delete it.

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morbid+roach, those were fantastic regardless of poodle.com.

before its closed/deleted, give me a second to C+P into word

Yeah, I know. I knew someone would question my judgment though, so in order to keep people from getting pissy - I had to. But to hell with that now. Fuck you, Morbid+Roach.