I want you to participate with me, why i want to kill some people.
This is a quite good example:

"Crossfire" is some sort of interview in the "RockHard", a German metal-magazine.
In "crossfire" two band-members sit together and listen to some songs, but they don't know which one. Then they have to say something about this song and the interviewer tells them wihich band it is.
BTW Amy and Shaun are intimate (or whatever is it called when they are girlfriend,...) as i read there.
I try to translate this, so there might be lots of mistakes.


ICED EARTH - Declaration Day
Amy (sings along annoyed): Baaaam, baaam!
Shaun: Hey, that sounds cool. I like the groove. I think it's band from the 80s. Might be Judas Priest or Iron Maiden.
Amy: No, that's not cool. This song reminds me of a rock-opera.
Shaun: That's Iced earth? Yeah, i notice Tim Owens.
Amy: I didn't like that at all. That was shit.

MOTÖRHEAD - Terminal Show
Amy: Oh god, again a band from the 80s.
Shaun: Hell Yeah, that's Motörhead. Lemmy has the most charismatic voice in the whole Rock-scene and is a unique frontman (?).
Amy: Hey, that's really cool. I like the song.

FEAR FACTORY - Slave Labor
Shaun: That might be the new Metallica....
Amy: That's never ever Metallica.
Shaun: You're right. The snare sounds to good. I like this song. Is it Machine Head?
Amy: Sometimes it sounds to childish(?), but i like ths song. Reminds me of Type o Negative or Marilyn Manson. Might be Within Temptation. Who's that? Fear factory? Aeesome!

SLIPKNOT - Duality
Shaun: That's Slipknot.
Amy: I love this song. We're listening to their new CD all the time. I don't like all the songs, but most of them.
Shaun: Corey Taylor has one of the best voices in the nu-metal-scene. I like their new CD and i think it'S ok that they don't sound as hard as on their older releases.
Amy: Shaun, stop your analyzes. As you Germans would say: Das ist gut. Next song.

IN FLAMES - The quiete place
Amy: Wow, that's cool. The singer sounds as he's imitating Johnathan Davis.
Shaun: The sound is veryx dramatic, but that's not John Davis. It might be Adema.
Amy: In Flames? I have to admit, that i never listened to one of their songs, but i like that.

CANNIBAL CORPSE - Severed head stoning
Amy: Man, that's awful.
Shaun: I'm not into Death metal. This music is to hard for me. I like it better, when there are melodies between the grwoling. That might be Chimaira or one of those hard nu-metal-bands.
Amy: Thta's not Nu-metal. Sounds like on eof these local teenie-bands, who try to be very bad. Some guys oof my band like this sort of music. I don't listen to this kind of music often. These guys should relax and should work with more melodies. I'd like that more.
Shaun: This kind of album puts you in the right mood for a metal-concert.
Amy ("angry" and with a punishing view (?) ): But just, if you're a male. I put myself with other music into the right mood.







I think i don't have to say more.
KILL KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do they have any idea of metal?!?!!?!?!?

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Oh man...I couldn't be more pissed off than I am right now. Comparing Type O with Manson, In Flames with Korn, and Cannibal Corpse with Chamaira and nu-metal and teenie bands. And they like Slipknot.......


FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!

Type O sounds nothing like Manson. In Flames are nothing Korn. And Cannibal is nothing at all like numetal or anything today's teen like to listen to. And Slipknot sucks. Shit!

....Okay I'm fine again.

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haha fine again is a Seether song! ahaha... ok sorry.

That's pretty bad - it seems they've been reared on nothing but nu-metal or pop-rock. Jeez, they didn't even get Fear Factory!

Terrorizer magazine has a section like this called Hard Of Hearing but usually they get musicians from the extreme scene to take part. However last month, it was that guy from Devildriver who used to be in Coal Chamber. Apparently, he's been professing lately of how he's a fan of DM and BM - you can make your own judgements on his "underground credentials" from the interview below.

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"As legend has it, Dez 'Coal Chamber' Ferrara's new project, Devildriver, came about as a result of a black metal indoctrination session at the behest of Phil Anselmo. In town to test his new-found metal credentials in front of a receptive In Flames audience, the band have to pass through a far more stringent test first, the dreaded Terrorizer 'Hard Of Hearing' session. Have they acquired 'the knowledge'? Jo Pitches spun the discs to find out...

AKERCOCKE
Praise The Name Of Satan

The lengthy intro unfurls in all its ominous glory "Look at the glass... look! Gaaaze into its depths..."

Johnny: I wanna hear some music!
Dez: I already know this...

The girl on the CD unleashes a deluge of frenzied screams. Answers from our subjects, however, are not so forthcoming.

Dez: I've had the CD a long time...

David Gray lets rip with his sticks; acerbic guitars commence their deliciously dissonant onslaught; "Meeephiiistopheleees!" shrieks a seemingly possessed Jason Mendonca...

...And the CD is by...?

Jon: Akercocke! They're real cool, y'know.
Dez: Very stylish gents!

And the track is...?

Jon: (without a flicker of hesitation) It's the first track on the new album!

CARCASS
Heartwork

The CD is inserted into the player.

Jon: (Eying it suspiciously) No More intros!

The main riff erupts from the speakers.

Jon: I already know that!
Johnny: (Tapping feet) Yeah, me too!

Any ideas, Dez?

Dez: (Frowns) Keep it goin'...
Jon: It's Carcass. "Heartwork" (He grins). No-one would have any respect for us if we didn't know who Carcass were...

Well, what better opportunity than this for Devildriver to demonstrate their knowledge and gain respect?

Dez: Godammit! Well, at least we got that one...

CANNIBAL CORPSE
Covered With Sores

After about three seconds.

Jon: Cannibal Corpse! "Covered With Sores"?

Precisely

Johnny: (Tapping feet and drumming on knees) I love this song!
Jon: (Wistfully) Cannibal were the first death metal band I was into...

IMMORTAL
The Call Of The Winter Moon

Dez has boasted in recent interviews his penchant for black metal, Phil Anselmo having introduced him to the frost-betten fare of many a corpsepainted outfit - The Sons Of Northern Darkness included - back in the mid 90s. But has the Devildriver frontman listened to them since the mid 90s? The icy chill begins to unfurl.

Dez: (Suddenly jolted from reverie) Wait! I think I've got it.

And it is...?

Dez: Is it Emperor?

No, not Emperor. Any further thoughts?

Jon: Enslaved!

'Fraid not...

Dez: It sounds like Enslaved... Is it Darkthrone?

Nope, not Darkthrone either! It is, in fact... Immortal!

Dez: Fuck! (Slumping back in chair) Which one?

He's enlightened to the track in question.

Dez: How did we not take that apart? (Turning to bandmates) See gentlemen, we just lost...

DECAPITATED
Spheres Of Madness

It's a fair bet that any self-respecting DM fan would recognise this slightly older - but arguably more distinctive - masterpiece of clinical battery. Well, you'd think so... Blank faces. No one recognises this?

Jon: No... (His face lights up) But it's fuckin' bad ass!
Johnny: (Enthusiastically foot-tapping and knee-drumming) Yeah, that's cool!

Both suddenly sit forward as Sauron lets rip.

Jon: Sinister?

Nope. Would a clue help?

Dez: Yeah.

They're Polish.

Johnny: Vader?

No, not Vader... Dez?

Dez: I'd have guessed Vader.
Jon: The singer sounds like he sung on Sinister's album...

Er, no! Besides, Sinister's vocalist is female. Not that you could tell. This is Decapitated.

Johnny: (Raising eyebrows) Decapitated? Whoa, they're cool!

SATYRICON
Fuel For Hatred

What will Devildriver make of this l'il number?

Jon: Is that the new Satyricon?

Certainly is! And the track is...?

Johnny: Well... they're playing the video in the Sates...
Jon: That riff! (Treats us to a rendition of "Daaaa-na na-na na-nah!") I remember that!
Johnny: We wathced that, like, the day before we came out for the tour.
Jon: Thank God we did...

FEAR FACTORY
Act Of God

Perhaps some cyber metal with commercial leanings will be to our subjects' taste...

Johnny: (Almost immediately) It's the new Fear Factory!

It is indeed! Are Devildriver fans of Fear Factory?

Johnny: Yeah, Herrera's a great drummer, so distinctive...

Any thoughts on Fear Factory resuming their musical career?

Dez: Yeah, I'm glad... the new record's great.

EMPEROR
I Am The Black Wizards

Another (Anselmo-inspired) favourite outfit of Dez's, so we've been led to believe - and a track that really needs no introduction. But is he able to identify it?

Jon: Altogether, one, two, three... Emperor!

Any guesses as to which track Dez?

Dez: That's old Emperor, right?

Yup!

Dez: Equilibrium?

Nope, older...

Dez: Anthems...?

Back a bit...

Dez: Fuck it, we got the band. Move on to the next one.

MORBID ANGEL
Dominate

Who could fail to recognise this arse-kicking classic? Furthermore, Devildriver opened for Morbid Angel on their US tour last year...

Jon and Johnny: Morbid Angel!

Certainly is! What were they like to tour with?

Dez: They were fun.
Johnny: It was great! They didn't play anything of that record though.

They did when they played over here a few weeks ago! 'Where The Slime Live', 'Dawn Of The Angry'...

Johnny: They did?!
Jon: That's my favourite record for sure, that's the best!

ARCTURUS
Radical Cut

Will Dez recognise the guest appearance from Ihsahn? Any ideas?

Johnny: I was gonna say Dimmu... But once they started doing all that scale-y shit... (mimics keyboard work) Can you play a little more?

Jon: (After a brief pause) Dark Funeral?

Nope... Perhaps a clue would help. They're Norwegian and have a very famous guest vocalist on this track...

Jon: (Looks deep in thought) Was that Ihsahn?

DARKTHRONE
Unholy Black Metal

Yep, you've guessed - Anselmo schooled Dez in the works of Fenriz and Co.

Johnny: Production-wise I think I've heard this before...

Dez? Any ideas?

Dez: Burzum?

Nope, not Burzum.

Dez: Darkthrone?

Correct! And the track?

Dez: I recognise it, but... (trails off)

NILE
The Blessed Dead

Let's face it: anyone with a modicum of interest in death metal ought to recognise the work of Karl Sanders et al. After all, there aren't exactly hordes of musicians knocking out Egyptian-themed DM.

Dez: I already got it - but keep goin', just in case.

Brows furrow.

Jon: Keep it going...

Subterranean guitars writhe in Middle Eastern-inspired frenzy while Tony Laureano's seismic drums shake the very bowels of the Earth...

Jon: (Leaps up and paces the room) I know it, dammit, I know it!

Hmm... does the word Egypt help?

Jon: Nile!

And the track is...?

Jon: The first one! (Relief spreads across his face) ...Are we done now?!

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Muppets. At least Amy Lee and Shaun Morgan have never claimed to like extreme metal.

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What Amy and Shaun said about Cannibal was hilarious.

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This goes to prove anyone on MTV doesn't know shit about metal. Thats sad that they can never even get the band right...songs might be tough.

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Pfft fuck melody!

Brutallity is where its at!

Melody mixed with brutality is where its at.

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Damn Right!

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Pussies.

Flower POWER!

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At least Dez isn't as stupid as I thought he was...

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Still pretty fucking stupid

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Granted...

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the power of flower

argh, i got so mad after reading those 2 interviews!!!

then i remember the best thing to do is shove it right back down them. on goes "pit of zombies..." and my speakers go boomie.

amy should be hung

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Dez doesn't know shit, he didn't get a single band right, except Darkthrone, and that was only after guessing Burzum!!


WTF...

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Yeah, Dez is a bit of an arse. Considering some of the quite acidic journalism present in the article, the magazine knew his boastings of extremity were bullshit.

I like this one best:



Priceless! I don't like BM, but even I would recognise I Am The Black Wizards.

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dez is and will always be an asshole, however at least his band seems to have some idea what they're talking about, which is cool. i don't know i know i'm gonna get flamed for it but i actually like devildriver. anyway Amy was no big suprise, she sucks, which is why the guitarist left, their music is garbage, lacuna coil, serpentine, or lullacry would own them 10x over. and shaun, at least he dug some of it, not much of an excuse but let's face it, hes a leftover from the grunge era really, none of his shit is really heavy, it's just he music he plays

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On the Canadian MTV know as "Much Music" they have this thing called I&I where and artist comes into the Much Music Place for an hour and plays stuff and does a live interveiw (now what I am about to say was from a person at work, and not me so its about 95% right, but this is what makes me want to kill that cunt Amy) "We are the next Pantera" (Amy talking about her band when a fan asked where you see yourself in the music industry)... Now THAT makes me sick.

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No! No! No!

RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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*walks up to amy completely doped up*

hey baby, ill be your own phil ansuperjointelmo......lets listen to some viking down and well get it in and get it on.....yeh baby, go superdown ritual.

*THUD*

hahahahahahahahahh!

Yes, yes, I agree - one needs to get one's priorities straight Despite her band being annoying, I wouldn't turn down an opportunity to do the dirt track rodeo with her.

FearFrost: she probably doesn't even know who Pantera are. Actually, she obviously doesn't know who they are as Evanescance neither sound anything like Pantera nor will thay garner the same sort of respect as Pantera.

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FUCK YOU.

Evanescance kick Pantera's ass.

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Rolling Stone called a band with THAT BITCH FRONTING IT THE NEXT GODS OF METAL?

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lets face it, you would be

RAPE, KILL, RAPE, RAPE, EMBALM, RAPE

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AMY LEE IS FAT AND UGLY AND I WANT TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE REAL BAD.
Well, she is pretty sub-par without the makeup. I wouldn't touch her with a John Holmes replica. Her voice is not as good as people make it out to be either. "But just, if you're male yadda yadda tee hee". Women like death metal too you softcore glamwhore!

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