Where do I start. Last night me and my bassist decided to drink, as usual. Vodka, as usual. Now, one more as usual: we went to our friends house a mile away. I'll also add that we drank more than the regular amount. The regular amount is pretty much really drunk. While we were there we decided to go talk to this girl we know that lives next door. We have done this before. The difference this time is that she was'nt home, but her parents were. That has happened before to. But for some fucked up reason, i decide to go in the house

Yeah, i just opened the front door and walked in. It gets worse, i guess. When i saw that her parents' door was shut, I decided to go to her room. Keep in mind that my friend is with me and he obviously has no sense either. So i enter her room and immediately decide to... Sign the fuckin wall! And of coarse, it had to be a big marker. Today i got a call from my friend, the guy who lives next to the girl. He said shes fuckin pissed and that we can never go near there again. So everything seems cool, sort of anyway, as far as cops not being involved. But hey, you never know, maybe I'll be hearing from them in a few days, and thats the reason im really freaked out. If her mom wanted to she could set us up on robbery charges.

Having read that, if you dont mind, tell me what you think of my little adventure. But to make things really entertaining, and to make me feel better, share one of your stories.

I was just proof reading above and I swear, no joke, I heard a siren. Fuck im losing it.

1. Who cares.
2. Drilling 100+ holes in peoples wood floor with a 1 1/2 inch bit for the win.

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i hope that no one does care about it. I know we didnt fuck anything up and destroy shit, but still, ive been caught for "breaking in" before, and I wouldnt want it to happen again.

yea...One time me and a friend set my other friends bathroom on fire because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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You impressed no one, shut up.

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Impressed? i feel like shit. And i am hoping i dont get arrested, what are you talking about. They are a very unfortunate family, and framing me so that they would win a lot of money is something i know for a fact her crazy mother would do. Im sure youve done something stupid, do you have to much pride to share it?

its called "goof off" comes in a spray can.. cost around 5 bux. Is it that hard to think..???

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Alright, everyone seems to think this is some joke. But I dont think its very funny to get charged with breaking into someones house. A few hours ago i was actually scared because I thought something shitty might happen. Id like to see how "tough" or "funny" you guys are when youre sitting in front of a judge trying to sound as harmless as possible...

well, thats one poor-ass drunk man's joke-action. I mean, what the hell, you don't go into someones house and mark it

if shes a real friend she wouldn't be all to pissed about it either, right?

i liked the completely random Homer Simpson icon.

that's all.

I was walking to someones house with about 5 of my friends. We were all drunk as. Then out of no where one of my mates yelled out Cops, Becuase we were all underage and drinking in public we all decided to hook it. One of my friends run into a fence and then a letterbox and another one jumped into a trailer that had Chemicals written on the side. From what I remember it was funny and it wasn't actually a cop car it was a taxi

timodragon, the story would be cool if you opened they parents room and saw them having a gangbang with all your friends.

Anyway, you really shouldnt mind the cops. You'll get fined, your parent will ground you, and after a month everything's normal.

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Fuck man my friend took this girl home one night and she went to go take a shower after they did their business and when she was done she walked into his parents bedroom thinking it was his wearing only a thong and cuddled with his mom. They discovered her the next morning because when his dad went to turn off his alarm and he woke up next to this half naked 16 year old girl.

Thats almost a gangbang story.

P.S Oh yeah the best part, she was sober.

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hahahah thats hostile

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Yeah, Its not really stupid to mark on someone's wall. But if they know you did it by sneaking in, then its a little different. And no one would have ever known if i hadnt signed the wall. And i see now that shes not a real friend, unfortunately too cause shes fucking hot! I mean REALLY fucking hot

Agent: Thats pretty funny! So was it a cruel joke, or did he actually think it was a cop?

Doctor: Youre right, that would have made it a great story, a little far-fetched, but still great. But the girl is 10x hotter than the mom. All id get is a fine? Cool, I was making it seem a lot worse as I thought alone after the incident.

Undying: Now thats a good story.

He thought it was really a cop car

i remember gettin really fucked on the first day of the reading fest 02, and couldnt get up the next day. I found out i'd caused damage to people;there tents; that i refused to pay for food etc and shit like that, it was real fucked up

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reading fest? what's that, some Book fair for 3rd graders?

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HAHA, I could just see some really drunk cunt rocking up to a book fair and trashing everything

My drummer and I had Paul Masson brandy last night. I was fucked out of my mind. I was playing GTA Vice City. Try flying around in the Attack chopper while drunk. It was fucking hilarious.

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Reading is the name of a city. I assume teh one he is talking about is in Europe, but there is a Reading, PA around an hour from where i live, it has like the highest crime rate per capita in the country. And its pronounced REDing.

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Yeah, thats probably what he meant... I hope?

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haha probaly not...Its probaly some chickenfucker guy selling books to children.

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Reading fest? When i first read the post I thought it was for books. Now i see that its not. But it was a lot funnier imagining you fucking shit up at some weird kind of book fair, if those even exist.

Anyone remember the Book Mobiles?? AHAHA that shit sucked... i remeber in like 1st grade we had a field trip to a Book Mobile... some fuckin fieldtrip

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the first time i got drunk i was in the house of a friend with his sister and her boyfriend(who stold me almost the half of my cigars) and friends and after a while i thought i went to sleep and the next day i thought only that happened.. but he told me after a while we went out to the house of some girls, in the way some cops wanted to take me to the tutelar but he talked to them,and when we where at their house we were all talking, then he told a friend of him that i was drunk and the girl took me to the bathroom and closed the door... after some time she opened it and i was sitting on the toilet smiling and the girl was with her hair messed up and fastening her blouse and she never wanted to told anybody what we did in there

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I remember book orders man, those things were the fucking shit.

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Yeah, it's over here in England. It's about 50 miles from London, in Berkshire (pronounced bark-shire) I think. There are probably many Readings across America. I know there's a Liverpool in the US somewhere...

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I used to love those. I always sat and figured out which books i wanted the most... so that i could show my mom the total and have her tell me to pick 3 out of the twenty i had chosen .

Books? What? What the fuck are we discussing.

yeah i remember in elementary school, you would get a ticket for a free personal pan pizza at Pizza hut if you read a certain amount.

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haha then you waited like every day for 3 months for your new Far Sides to show up. Fuck yes.

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I remember when i was drunk with some mates we went to a party and bashed these bloodz members and when we were on the east side walkin back to town we were shot at by this car full of these Bloodz from Cairns

Agent Orange was there and we all just were hiding in the bushes untill they finnaly stopped drivin around lookin for us, Then me and Agent went up town and got really drunk up in this nightclub called rumours, IT was fun

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People should learn to shoot straight.

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hahaha, are man thats some funny shit , but it was at a festival in england, not in a book shop lol

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Englands a magical place where people walk on their hands and doughnuts eat cops.

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yeah my favorite is where this one cowboy is about to walk in into the saloon and he's wearing a weird hat with flowers on it.
then he sees a guy inside wearing the same weird hat, and he says, "I can't go in there! that guy has the exact same hat i have on!"

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a horse walks into a bar and the barkeep says, "why the long face?"

why did the termite go to the cafe?
he didn't find the barTENDER

three men walk into a bar.......................ouch.

a duck walks into a bar and askes the barkeep if he has any lemons, the barkeep says no. the duck walks out. he comes back 15 minutes later and askes the barkeep if he has any lemons. the barkeep again says no. 15 minutes later, the duck comes back. he askes the barkeep if he has any lemons. the barkeep is very annoyed by now and says to the duck "NO! and if you come back here asking for lemons one more time, i'll nail your little webbed feet to the floor!" the duck flys out squawking. 30 minutes later he comes back and says, "hey barkeep, you got any nails?" the barkeep is confused and says no. "Okay," says the duck, "got any lemons?"

okay, i'm done now.

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Or the one where the guy is stranded and walking in the desert and hes in a fish store and the guys like "if you arent going to buy anything buddy, you best just keep walking."

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I really like this one. there are no typos.

a dislexic man walks into a bra.

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ha, that's a good one.

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This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it.

“Hey, what's that?”

“A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.”

“Can I try?” The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.

“Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!”

“Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?”

the niceness

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