Ripping through the borrows of time
Lingering sorrows passing us by
Killing the already dead
Following through with hatred of the un-stable
Pain flowing deep within me
My veins full of pain for eternity
Killing you ever so silently

Our Putred Existence loading full
Depths of Hell to close to tell
Burning, Torching, Skinning, Tearing
Ripping skin off of your dead life
Foul smell of decaying existence

(bass, guitar only)
Bothering the only souls of our time
Nothing to live for, nothing divine
Killing me faster in the whisps of your time
Not knowing when it will be the end

...chorus...
Coming full and near
This dark shadow of society inside
No reason to try and live, no reason to abide
Why live for nothing to live?
repeat x2 till it fades...

one of my first songs ever written, I don't know what do you think?
I have since moved on to darker songs than this...

Sounds pretty cool. Kinda like Suffocation, Sinister style..

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Well damnit, I wanna hear that. We need more darkness here.

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I wish I'd never seen the video "The Darkness" did . Gross me out and gag me with a spoon. I can't figure out is he's a Twisted Sister wannabe or Freddie Mercury, but he'd never EVER be a Freddie. He was too cool. For first impressions I'd give 'em the Simon vote.


Anyways...You did so well withthe meter and imagery in the first three lines (ya tease) and then the meter fell to crap.

I'll do a breakdown through the piece.

Ripping through the borrows of time
Lingering sorrows passing us by
Killing the already dead (Liked it so far)
Following through with hatred of the un-stable
Pain flowing deep within me
My veins full of pain for eternity (Don't like the rep of pain there. Maybe my veins full for eternity? Just a thought.)
Killing you ever so silently ( I like the reps of the 'EE' sounds on the line ends here. I think I'd leave out the word 'you' since there's an accumulation of beings you're talking about but that all of a sudden narrows the group to a possible singular person )

Our Putred Existence loading full (What does that mean --loading full ? Sounds awkward.)
Depths of Hell to close to tell (Too--typo? no biggie)
Burning, Torching, Skinning, Tearing
Ripping skin off of your dead life
Foul smell of decaying existence (Last 2 lines not bad imagewise. It could be figurative or literal depending on how you wanna take it. )


(bass, guitar only)
Bothering the only souls of our time
Nothing to live for, nothing divine
Killing me faster in the whisps of your time
Not knowing when it will be the end ( I liked all but the first line of the chorus. I'd almost leave that off completely. It sound cool without it. )

...chorus...
Coming full and near ( Coming full? Don't quite get that. This line sounds very forced because it isn't the same calibre as the rest of the piece imagewise. )
This dark shadow of society inside
No reason to try and live, no reason to abide
Why live for nothing to live? ( A little awkward. maybe --Why live with nothing to live for? )
repeat x2 till it fades...

I don't know if that will help out or not.

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