Some time ago, lied a cemetary dwelling on an old indian trail.
Little did people know, what haunting memories of past love ones
lay dormant.
Due to their unusual spiritual power
these lost souls are forever in torment.

The year is 1888.
and an unusual occurence is about to begin.
Something that's way beyond this world,
For it seems to never end...
This spiritual world which noone understands..

Dusk settles in,
A full moon rises above the cemetary's ominous trees
The wind, howling like a pair of wolves
Echoing throughout the darkness..

Vast, patches of fog slowly emerge from the graves
With it, comes a fowl patch of cold air,
Brisk and breezy, it'll give you a thrill
you won't want to miss..

These are souls haunted by torment and pleasure
They reveal themselves to this deity forever...
For it is the food of thy spirit
I am forever trapped
in this plane of unconsciousness
with no path to the light,
I am in Eternal Darkness...

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I wasn't sure if I liked this at first or not but the more I read I got into it a little more. In many things I've read written like this, there is a build up to a peak and then it recesses. In this piece you seemed to save the best for last. It seemed to end on the highest peak it could reach. I thought that was rather refreshing since to me, it's rare. I couldn't really see any need for grammar changes or anythig like that, but that isn't a strong point for me in critiquing.
The dark theme I get from this seems to create a monologue with some awesome background guitars work sort of Uncle Vinnie Price style. OR, before you hit me for that , and remember I'm an old lady, Something in a death metal sound with this recited before an actual song. When I read something that has such an indepth storyline behind it I hate to hear it disappear in screams or growls I can't understand unless I've read the lyrics. But that's just me.
Thought you did a very good job on it. I lovve themes like this though so that gave you an edge.......



Why did I get this horrible feeling like I'm doing critiques like Paula Abdul does on her show? And my face wrinkled up like the dog let one. Bad karma right now.........

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