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Old 2003-12-20, 15:15
Papalazarou 666's Avatar
Papalazarou 666
Metalhead
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: England
Posts: 60
Life Eternal

Hey, i've got some pretty crap lyrics that need improvemeny can you help me improve them ?

Its to a song I wrote called Life Eternal (as of yet I only have one verse and a chorus)-

VERSE
Life in death, or death in life, which way shall I end ?
Hate of life and fear of death - this hell which I transcend
Dead inside, but still alive, this beast I have become
Life was shed while the vultures fed on this feast of carrion

CHORUS
Lifeless matyr, Dark stigmata - I in Life Etenal
Deathly Ruin, Unholy doing - I in Life Eternal.

Shit, I know, but that's why i've asked if you can help me improve it.
 
Old 2003-12-21, 17:15
The Doctor's Avatar
The Doctor
Denimwearinghillbilly
Forum Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Bladel, Holland
Posts: 6,806
hmm, im not really fond of that retorical question, bit cliche, but the rest is good

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