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2003-11-07, 17:12
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Earth v.6.9
Posts: 355
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Pile of Corpses
"Pile of Corpses"
(intro)
piled up to the torso,
in a massive grave,
the cemetery's full,
with the long lost brave,
no more room for you to lay,
thrown on the pile,
without a name,
(verse 1)
the sick and dying moan,
the stench of festered skin,
mutilated flesh and bone,
a sea of decapitated limbs,
mangled body and inverted neck,
rotting till there's nothing left,
(chorus)
the pile attracts the flies,
dinner for the worms,
are those who died,
(verse 2)
you are destined to decay,
and rot in your own filth,
staring lifeless night and day,
at the women and children killed,
the look on their faces are so plain,
head split open and spilled out brains,
(outro)
fagile as a porcelain doll,
stiff and cold,
the pile stands tall,
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2003-11-08, 15:51
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El Diablo sin pantalones
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Yggdrassyl
Posts: 4,321
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Re: Pile of Corpses
Quote:
Originally posted by Drag the Waters
" stuff
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it misses the all important flow...
or is it supposed to be grunted? 
(and its a bit cliche...but nice imagery anyway)
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Darko
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Requiem
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Why not? Why would you sig me saying that I hate you? I was serious there, too. |
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2003-11-09, 20:00
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I got a rhythm from it. It went a little tricky at --
"a sea of decapitated limbs,
mangled body and inverted neck,
rotting till there's nothing left,"
But I reread it and got it. I wasn't keen on the chorus, but it could work. It just doesn't have the zap the rest of the piece does. Pretty decent descriptions and the storyline was balanced well.
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2003-11-10, 05:51
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Earth v.6.9
Posts: 355
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eh.. yeah ill admit not my best work, and i know its a tad "cliche". But thanks for reading and replying to it anyway.
p.s.-i dont really see anyone else on here attempting Gore-Metal.
__________________
............_ )).........................
........_( . ,,)_.......................
......(______)......................
.......| ____ |........................
.____|___|________........
.|.........................|.|....|.\........
.|......ice-cream....|.|__|..\___
.|.........................|..............*|
.|_.....___________.....__.o|
....(...)....~.~~.>--<o.(...).......
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2003-12-04, 09:35
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Metalhead
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 65
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all and all not too bad... the flow was ehh a lil off... but the chorus could be fixed up a bit
(chorus)
the pile attracts the flies,
dinner for the worms,
are those who died,
not a good chorus.... the chorus of all things should flow really well
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2003-12-15, 18:40
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Denimwearinghillbilly
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Bladel, Holland
Posts: 6,806
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it was veryvery good. Everebody thinks writing gore is very easy, but its harder than you think.
anyway, post more!
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