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2003-07-20, 21:00
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New Blood
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 1
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Dead Utopia
Verse
Withered grass meets darkened skies on the black horizon.
Autumn leaves fade into falling snow beyond the dead utopia.
Faded sun, forever darkened, watch as this paradise slowly dies.
Verse
Glowing lights dim to falling shadows amongst the darkness.
Bleeding memories by the rolling tides are forever washed away.
Fallen shadows, empty darkness among this dead utopia we lay
Chorus
Bring me to the blackened waters
Laid to rest to cleanse the stains away
Amidst the bright light, no reflections
The dying spirit slowly drifts away
What do y'all think?
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2003-11-07, 01:04
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: In the midst of the unholy
Posts: 1,293
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I think that its ok. But for me personally its kinda hard to write riffs for. The chorus is great but the verses seem a little too long in my opinion. Other than that is pretty good.
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2003-11-07, 03:31
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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Fuck that! You can write a riff to ANYthing. just make it longer, and I love the imagery.
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
 
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2003-11-09, 20:07
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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The only part I had a problem with is that all of a sudden there's a bright light. Or is it that that's devoid of all others but the one who's drifting away?
I'd like it to be longer, too. I think you've got an excellent stage set to add more story to.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2003-12-15, 18:36
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Metalhead
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: England
Posts: 60
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Hey, dude, can I steal these lyrics ?
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2003-12-16, 05:25
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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?!?!?!?! You asked him if you could steal his stuff.........that's.......interesting....
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2003-12-16, 18:53
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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That's brilliant. The world needs more brilliance. Ask to steal ? I've had people ask to use my lyrics or poetry in school projects and once inawhile someone comes up with a melody for one of my songs and posts it. Don't steal though. (But I think you were kidding anyways. WRITE YOUR OWN !! YOU CAN DO IT !!)
I've gotta make another comment. I've been listening to Opeth quite a bit lately. (Wally was home so I wonder why.) I don't think I could ever get tired of Windowpane. I think, done in that style, this would be really good stuff, Maynard. (You guys are probably to young to remember "good stuff, Maynard"  )
I still like it.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2003-12-29, 23:37
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Here and Beyond
Posts: 192
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this is brilliant...
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