No, I agree, most of the posts are well-thought-out and provide some analysis and the like, but other posts consist of things like:

Just saw these ones:

Matrix
Exorcist II
Caddyshack
Animal Farm

It's almost as pointless as saying "I'm trying to decide whether I should wear my heavy coat when I go the store later" on FB. I'm not knocking posts like that at all, I've made plenty of them myself, but I'm just illustrating the fact that we're all guilty in our own ways of firing random nothings into the void which don't really require responses and have no real purpose outside of "please don't forget that I exist and have a pulse". I think it's just a genetic kink all social animals have; it probably served us pretty well in our early evolution. Like most of our evolutionary tools, however, it's becoming somewhat obsolete. Plus the internet, with its instantly forgettable 4+ billion user base, takes these needs we all have and somewhat devalues and parodies them, and sites like Facebook are kinda the epitome of that degradation.

I think the reason MT doesn't give you that horrid after-taste is because unlike a one-line FB status we can actually talk here AS individuals TO individuals, and get the essence of what we're about and what we think. In other words, Facebook is a cheap simulation of what we get here, and it's such a glaring simulation that it's insulting to our intelligence and our own sense of worth, but at it's most basic level it's largely the same thing or at least is driven by the same needs/impulses. With the possible exception of a chatroom this forum is probably as close as we can come to communicating sincerely without actually meeting up in person (and lets keep it that way, ya FUCKS) so there's a lot we can "get" from our time here. A Facebook status update, as mentioned, is like a 10-second porn clip compared to the mass orgy of full penetrative sex that is MT.

I hear you can become impotent doing that. You know, with all that extra blood rushing to your brain n'all.

Yea, I'm not trying to play the magnificent loner; I quite enjoy people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyWsFfd9pqE
In short bursts and at least two screens removed.

In any case, I didn't hear any complaint from your sister on that account. Plenty blood to go around.
It's funny how all the good night rumblings I've had seem to have been with the more intellectually pumped up type of girls.

Anyway, magpies in galoshes! And don't ye try to pull anything, 'cause we've instituted a Swedish... institute for... that... so there!

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Haha I love the Carlmeister, but you gotta admit that it's something of a paradox to see him on stage in front of thousands of adoring fans telling us how he prefers to be alone.

...you win this round.

Wow, it's like listening to my sons talk!! Of course, they're mostly talking about me. And the Mammoth thing sounds like me--omg, they're right. heehee

I <3 the hippy dippy weatherman.

Amadeus, women that are confident like guys who are, too. If they dumb down there's a reason.

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Speaking of me and my life which is interesting:

I'm headed to the doc this week armed with an A4 page filled on both sides with my various afflictions, swellings and drippings, mainly to get treatment but alsoly to have these things added to my medical notes so that the next time I apply for disability the fucking bureaucratic cocksuckers don't leave me with £70 a month to live on because I haven't been to the cunting doctor in 5 years. I mean fuck me, one of the biggest problems I have is anxiety which makes regular - and usually pointless - trips to the doctor a bit tricky. They don't take things like that into consideration; unless your doctor knows about it it's irrelevant.

Trying to make £70 stretch each month for nearly a year now has been a real test of my frugality skills. The internet connection is about £56, so I have exactly £14 to spend on Christmas presents. Looks like I'll be cracking out the glitter, glue and printer paper again. They'll take my homemade cards and like it!

There were better Christmases during the fucking potater famine.

click

I have PayPal. Just sayin'.

Maybe you should try web design?

It strikes me that I know nowhere outside of metal where you could do something like that, to a picture like that, and have it count as a joke.



Haha, maybe something got lost in the translation, I'm not sure. What I meant was that for some reason the best results have always come out of encounters which included conversations that I couldn't steer and manipulate at will.

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Amadeus, I laughed, too. Political correctness on mt? No way. But about the other thing? I think I was right on the money with what I said about the womens in your life. Maybe since you're a guy you aren't getting it yet. Ask Paddy. He's really in touch with his feminine side.

Paddy! Get over here! Tomorrow night I'm going to a card making party- at a church ta boot! If the cards don't fold when you walk in the building probably will - ya heathern. Have you ever used taters to do stamping? That's an old trick. Personally I used a cut celery end to make roses once - my own idea. It didn't look to bad. The group tomorrow uses rubber stamps though. I guess the line-up ia pretty cool from what I've heard and my friend is making food for it. Hopefully no tongue pate like a few years ago. I wouldn't touch the stuff, but she had other goodies, too.

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Trust me, if I had a feminine side I'd do nothing BUT touch it.

Using potatoes for arts and crafts in Ireland is like using the Koran for toilet paper in Mecca. FOR SHAME. On the other hand celery is something Protestants eat because it reminds them of the sound of the breaking bones of Catholics under the wheels of their BMWs, and I won't have it in my house.

Tongue pate? I think you'll find it's spelled Tongue Paddy, and yes please I'll have some of that thank you.

Amadeus: web design is something I tried getting into in numerous occasions, but unless someone wants a basic HTML site I'm pretty much fucked haha. Meh, hopefully my planned trips to the quack will render me victorious in the War on Poverty.

lol I was in Mecca Saturday, seriously. I have to remember the celery remark.

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You fucked a Muslim?

Noooo. Okay, this is gonna be rich fodder. We drove around to look at the changing leaves and Amish there.

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Actually, there's so much good material available today that it's almost ridiculous. Download Filezilla, KompoZer and wordpress and you got yourself a basis, I promise you'll find any info you need online. Hell, six months ago I didn't know squat about web design, and now I'm the proud administrator of
http://www.alliansforum.alliansensvanner.se/
http://www.engelholmsterrangryttare.se/

Both run with a pre-made software, but working with vbulletin and wordpress I've learnt more about about php script and SQL than I ever knew existed. HTML, don't get me started. Anyhows, just felt like being a bit cheerful. Think I'll go find something cuddly and innocent and disembowel it now. Damn, I wish we had a Swedish word for disembowel. It's such a good word. How, I wonder, did the need for it arise? From whence came the urge to so specifically describe the act in a single, easy to use verb? Incidentally, would you like some red... herbal tea?

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Shit, nice sites! I can create sites like that (well, I could after a day or two of refreshing my memory) but I never imagined many people actually wanting to pay for that kind of site, especially when software such as Dreamweaver pretty much does that shit in two clicks, you know? It's when people want Flash, Photoshop, dynamic content/databases and e-commerce built in to the fuckers that I started panicking haha.

I was trying to get into web design again about 6 months back and I made a quick site to see how much I actually knew off the top of my head, and this is what I came up with:

http://www.pmcmullanjr.entadsl.com/...bber/index.html

Do you reckon people would pay for that level of workmanship? I sure wouldn't haha.

Haha, well, no I wouldn't but I was actually a little surprised at how happy some people are for a little help. Me, for instance, I'm grabbing work with small businesses and clubs and also charge way less than a "real" IT consultant. People who want/need a site, but doesn't have the time to learn about FTP, server file management, basic MySQL handling, CMS, and the day to day admin operations; but still don't really need a full blown professional. It's like evolution. Find the empty niches in between the big predators and make it your own.

Of course, I admit I've had a bit of a boost. The government I've worked so hard to keep in office has basically cut the tax cost of having anyone under twenty six employed by half a few years ago. And combined with my low rates the service becomes very attractive to the aforementioned people. This gave me a couple of years to establish a foothold on the market, and do a learn-as-you-go type of thing. Connections is da shit.

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hey metaltabs!
my band has 3 out of the 5 songs from our EP up on our myspace!
If you would be so kind, please check em out and tell me what you think!

I will go ahead and tell you right now, we call ourselves melodic death metal....so some purists might call us deathcore or metalcore.....

but all criticism is welcome...

http://www.myspace.com/persecutiontheband

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Sounds really good man. Not huge on the style of vocals personally. The Black Dahlia Murder influence definitely shines through, and that is a compliment. Good job.

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Awesome! thank you very much!
The vocals are getting better, when he first joined he could barely do lows....but in a town of 1000 people...you get what you can. but it's awesome because he turned out to be perfect for the band.

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It's not my cuppa tea, but it sounds tighter than a virgin dolphin's Speedos. I can't imagine you having any problems selling this material to fans of this kind of music, you know? Congrats on your progress thus far

Haha that pic of you puts me in mind of a hitch-hiker serial killer from the 70s, for some reason. Take that shit as a compliment!

You might be better creating a thread in the Band forum, there'll be less chance of your material getting buried under a mound of posts about midgets' fannies like it will in the RTT!

Christ, a lot of people were fucking 9 months ago:

http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/7207/boithdays.png

That tears it, I'm dedicating all of my pussy-hunting to the month of February and spending the rest of the year working on my sweet abs.

Thanks!

Are you talking about the pic on the myspace? Compliment accepted, but I feel I look a bit more like an asian woman with Down's

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lol@another d00d from MT having a great band.
Seriously the title track of your EP is pretty killer. I really enjoyed the riff starting at 1:20.
"Send more cops" is pretty cool too. Nothing spectacular but pretty tight and brutal stuff if you ask me.
I`m just a little bit dissapointed of "Decapastration". IMHO the teaser made it sound cooler then it actually is. But what it makes worth listening to the track is the breakdown at the end. You have to play that live! Fuckin A man

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HAHA! Yeah, that pic. I say this every time I find a pic of a MetalTabs member, but you look nothing like I imagined. I definitely didn't anticipate the bandanna and the flip-flops.

hahaha, that's my singer!
I'm the one under him!
I wish I had that many tattoos!

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yeah dude, I hate decapastration, always have. A lot of people who aren't really into metal or girls really love it. It always goes over very well live though.

but thanks a lot for the comments man, I greatly appreciate them

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Haha shit, sorry man, I thought the names were printed under the pics. Yeah, you look significantly more like I imagined Not so much a 70s hitch-hiker serial killer as an 80s Charles Ng-style abuser of women. Take that shit as a compliment too if you like. I wouldn't.

STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!

I thought we had already established that you are your sister. That girl in the mirror - that's you. Sorry.

Hey 7-string, that's some pretty good stuff you got on there. As have already been commented, I think your vocalist could work a little more on his stuff, but it's nothing that seems unreachable listening to this.

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UGH. Why does the new 1349 have to be so shitty?
EDIT: Why does the 1349 album Revelations of the Black Flame have to be so shitty.

7-String: Not my cup o' tea metal wise, but it sounds legit.

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Whoa whoa whoa wait, was there an un-shitty 1349!?


Never mind, I got yo cure , it's called "Arsonist" and it's in the myspaceplayer.

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First off, the track was called "Arsonry". Do you know how long I looked over there 8-something songs trying to find "Arsonist"? Forever. I'm still doing it. Second off, it was just okay and you obviously feel the same way since it didn't make a big enough impact on you to remember the name correctly. Third off, 1349 has a couple good albums. The last two, Liberation and Hellfire were some pretty ferocious BM. I like it. Jack off, I'm going to.

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No there really IS one called Arsonist just keep looking

To be honest I youtube'd a song off of the new one last week (think it was Psalm 777 or something) and what the fuck I actually kinda enjoyed it. Never dug their old stuff cause it was so fucking standard I thought, but this one actually had neat riffs.


So why'd you think it sucks?

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New Melechesh. NEW MELECHESH ALBUM! FUCK ME HARD IS THAT GOOD!!!
I`ve waited a long time for an album that blew my mind as hard as Emissaries did and now, from the same band, new album, kickass sumerian metal.

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"Dearest,

Hi I am favour,25years, I saw your profile on this site www.kamrat.com and I think that you are a very interesting person. So I decided to use the chance to get to know you more,I think we should use every chance to find our Happiness because I am contacting you for obvious reason which you will understand (favourme_1@yahoo.com) I still hope for your reply. Have a good day!
Thanks
favour."

So, I found this in the inbox for one my admin e-mail accounts. Not exactly sure about the causal chain, but I've used this address as the contact address on several political blogs, and it's my official address in most political contexts, so it's been around a bit. Anyhows, I'm left wondering after reading this - are there people who fall for this? I know the answer, I ask the same with every passing Kenya letter, but still.
But, if anyone feels like picking up the challenge and give them a few funny replies, go for it. Any good conversations posted here, or perhaps in a separate thread if it's really good.

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SNAP!

When I saw "I am blessing" I wondered if this was someone telling about about some weeping, infected sore. "Ahh, my infected sore is blessing all over the place again". Turned out it was just some hot chick who wanted a piece of my sweet ass. SCORE!

You shall be on the top of my list the next time I need some more money.

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Oh, holy shit, they have a new album out already! I was talking about the '09 release Revelations of the Black Flame. That album is just plain fucking boring. Skip it. I need to get this new one though. Demonoir. My favorite release by them is Hellfire. Check out the song I Am Abomination.

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I heard about a guy whose g/f was trying to send some jewelry to Nigeria because she was promised $$ once the confirmation of the mailing reached the Bank of Nigeria. She was all psyched, but there was no safe way to send them and the guy said it sounded like a scam so he wasn't going to do it. She was hellbent she was going to get money. Besides it's illegal to send jewelry there anyways! The whole thing screamed scam so I hope she doesn't do it anyways.

There are so many gullible people. My grandma sent over 10K to various sweepstakes thinking she was going to win a bunch for the family. She almost lost her bank account and house. Thank God for eavesdroppping!!

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You know who I feel sorry for the most? Genuine Nigerian bankers, especially those who have to tell someone they've inherited a large sum of money. I reckon Gary Glitter would have an easier time building a clientèle for his babysitting firm.

I'm inclined to agree, though that doesn't say much. I often find it hard to dredge up any kind of sympathy for the people who go about loosing all their money hook-line-sinker style.

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Yooo!
The guys of you who`ve added me on Facebook, please be so kind and watch my brand new Dying Fetus cover. And yeah I know I`ve fucked up the sweeping.
Thnax a lotZz

Special thanks go out to my new cam. The mic rocks

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Oh, if I must. Just for you little Gommerz.

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So, would this be a good time to bring up the idea of a metaltabs recording cooperation?

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that Gomer's avatar looks suspiciously much like it's doing the caramel dance.

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I've always been down for that. I can do guitar or vocals. I can also mix.

EDIT: Screechy screams. And clear vox. Can't growl for shit.

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I made a thread about that a few months ago.
See here?!
http://metaltabs.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56383


Srsly, my panda bear is just too cool for the caramel dance. This is kind of a hypnotic dance that this specific panda bear tribe dances at every fullmoon night too keep the moon away from the earth. Or just to show how fucking cool they are.

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Yep, I know you did, thereof the idea that this might be a good time to bring it up.



I can hardly believe I found this right off the bat, pure chance, first click, after getting this reply. It must be fate. What can I say? Lots, but I need say nothing. Dancing pandas, is it? The evidence speaks for itself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_F8...feature=related

Even the username of the uploader is so... perfect.

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Woooow....I mean that was so.....intense? So vivid....what does it meeeeeean?

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As long as you're happy in yourself, that's what counts.

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I immediately found an mp3 of that song and put it on my itunes and straight on my ipod. Now i can annoy anybody I want to. My roommates should love this. Thank you.

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I had to have my poor old puppy dog put down tonight. She was showing signs of pain and I couldn't see making her suffer. I miss her already. It was hard to do, but she was so peaceful. She was 13 and we'd had her for the past 4 years. <-in dog form

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that sucks. All of my pets ended up dying somehow, but some lasted a good while. One cat got eaten by some wild animal, and the next one probably the same. The last one got sick and started pissing in different places around the house, so my mom put it down. Its sad, but I guess pets still have it pretty good compared to the wild.

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Sorry to hear that Bobbi, I know it's hard to lose a pet after so long but at least you did the right thing when you had to, you know? I'm sure it was tempting to give her another few days or even weeks just to avoid the grief, but you saved her a lot of unnecessary suffering and took control as soon as you noticed she wasn't happy, which is something to take solace in.

If I actually drank I'd pour a shot of booze for her onto the ground, 'hood-style, but you'll have to make do with a digital simulation of the act:

Fo' ma homies and doggies!

Thanks guys. From what I read on the net she would have been called a downer dog since she was immobile without assistance. I just treated her as a handicapped animal and was content to do that until she had to go however. Yesterday afternoon her system seemed to change and she was unable to keep drinks of water down. She'd hardly eaten the past couple days. She start to woof a little and it seemed she was straining then. She started getting worse so I made the call before it went too far. The ladies at the vet clinic are wonderful and one worked for the previous doc and knew my dog from her previous owner. She went very peacefully and I know she's better off. It's just hard to not have her around. She was a sweetheart.

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I'm in a music video! YAY!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgcd-8k9U1c

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Awwwww that's so sad! Sorry to hear that

Slightly off topic I saw a firefighter on the subway today with a therapy dog and he and the dog had all of these patches on their vests declaring they had helped survivors at ground zero on 9/11, you could tell he was really proud of the dog still, it was so sweet. He laid a blanket down on the floor in front of the dog so he could sleep and be comfortable. For some reason it was the most heartwarming thing I've seen in awhile.

Thank you, Dame'. That would be a touching sight for sure. Dogs are great creatures.

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And I'm in a youtube-video

Mothafuckas

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I'm in a web browser!

Sorry to hear that, LB. My aunt recently lost one of her Golden Retrievers that was some top-notch award winning dog. She was hit pretty hard. Hopefully science will be awesome enough to keep my Gizmo alive forever.

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I hate dogs. More specifically, I hate dog owners who don't clean the shit up off the pavement after Fido has done his business. If I ever came to power my first early day motion would be the introduction of death squads to roam the streets hunting irresponsible dog owners. And pigeons.

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Dogs only shit because you're there. Where I live, dogs shit in toilets. And flush.

It's just the Scouse dogs are too dumb to work a flush. Not to mention the toilet seat. Actually, I'm surprised that you can work it yourself, Cumboy. I mean, abstract maths is one thing, but everybody knows that the workings of a toilet is well beyond the mental capacity of your average Scouser.

Also, Paddy is pale and has freckles and red hair. I feel like there's some word for that, possibly one coinciding with the name of a root commonly used as a seasoning in Asian cooking, but it's just not coming to mind.

I'm sort of with you on that one, but mostly on those little designer dogs that live in every apartment here. Useless and stupid, and annoy the crap out of any sane person.

I brought my rifle back frum the cuntry durr and next time some little taco dog barks it will be hard to resist the urge to put a 7.62 round in it

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Dogs are cool but Chihuahas and pugs are fuckin ugly and disgusting

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Ginseng?

You should see the dogs in Scotland. They trot about the place sipping from cans of Tenant's Super Strength Lager with needles hanging out their, er, legs.

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Something is severely fucked up with the internet around here. Google-related? FB, youtube, g-mail, the search engine, it's all erratic like hell and generally won't load at all. But it's all over the map. Several other sites are slow like hell, if they don't just refuse to load all too. However. MT pops up like the slightly rank jack-in-the-box it has always been. So, what does this tell us?

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It says that your net sux, d0od. Mine has worked fine all day, but I'm in the greatest country on earth, too.

I agree that in public places it's really rude to not clean up your pup-poop-popsicles. Even though we have several acres, we pretty much limited the areas and didn't let her go where there was heavy foot traffic through the yard by kids or meter readers.

I'm glad I didn't put her down when she first became disabled. She had been a great dog for previous owner and for me, too, and it wasn't time. When the pain started it was time. The way her eyes were by the time we took her to the vet I kind of think she might have been comatose. I sure miss her and it's going to be rough when the first snow comes. All my dogs have loved snow.

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What do you want in Finland

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Yo' mama doesn't count.

I'd rather be ginger than to have had large magnetic strips surgically implanted under my skin so that I can surreptitiously pilfer the pennies and dimes scattered around the shoeless feet of sleeping homeless men or to roll around in ditches in the hopes of snagging a few bottle caps which can then be sold in accordance with the Proclaimers Profitability Model ("I would walk 500 miles for a penny"), such is the wily custom of the shape-shifting Ju.

Or:

No, YOU'RE ginger. YOU are.

P.S. Asians very rarely use ginger in their cuisine, unless "Ginger" is the name of the cat they lingchi-ed for their cat pie. I know this for I am Paddy.

Well I guess being ginger doesn't make you an authority on all things ginger. It's cool, though; since it's actually worse to be ginger than to be wrong, being wrong in your case never actually makes you any worse of a person. But that's just because there's nothing below ginger, and you know it.

I steal openly; no need for any of that bullshit. If I want a bum's pennies I'd just knock him aside and take them. However, let me let you in on a secret: all the street beggars in the world are actually a collection front for the UJA. So that money's coming to me one way or another, and it'd be pretty pointless for me to have an elaborate way of stealing my own money surgically implanted.

However, once again you're fortunate in that you can't sink any lower for your ignorance.

The man who quotes Wikipedia is surely the lowest of the low. Except when I do it:

http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/6940/wikitruthia.png

I think I've figured out where your obsessive hatred of gingers stems from, other than the fact that you are one yourself complete with big ginger balls and everything. It's because you used to live amongst them, here in my very own Irishland, where you thought you and your grand vault of illicit loose change could live with impunity. That is until you realised that the big daddy of all loose change over here is the curiously shaped 50 pence piece:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...nce_obverse.jpg

Gingers came. They came in their droves. And they all relieved you of your vast plethora of 50p coins - wrenched directly out of your clenched fist - with a rudimentary tool known locally as the Jew Giver, but more generally as a spanner.

Let it go, man. Seriously.

P.S. Not ginger.

I have the cold from hell and it doesn't feel metal at all. At least I'll have adhesive for my Christmas cards this year. Do you think 2 jars is enough?

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When you consider the sheer volume of friends you must have accumulated over your 112 years on the planet I'd imagine a bathtub full of the stuff would be the better option.

Just went as a Guido to a Halloween Party..pics to come.



Happy Halloween motha fuckas!

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN YOU NUTS!!!!1

How are you guys going to scare the children infront of your door? Or even celebrate Hallowiener?
I tought of printing out an necrophilic pic with the subtitle "dead girls don`t say no" and stick it to our frontdoor

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Halloween is like a home delivery service for sex offenders, so naturally I'll be hiding in my garden for most of the night clutching a large net and a 14" rubber cock.

I've also been working on my 12-year-old girl costume. I'll kneel down on a pair of shoes to hide the fact that I'm 6ft tall and will offer free oral sex to passing children. I may offer oral sex in exchange for lollipops if the children think it's all too good to be true and that there must be a catch. "No catch...well, ok then, there is a catch; I'll need a lollipop to take the taste of your perpetually flaccid cock out of my mouth." If they ask to see my fanny (UK) I'll have that shit covered because I've made a portable vagina by layering strips of bacon around the outside of a hollowed-out melon, which I'll strap to my crotch under my petticoat before I head over to the disco car-park.

Or I might just fire at them with a dart gun as they clamber up my driveway in search of free sugar, the wee free-loading zombie diabetic fuckers that they are.

An inspiration to us all, as always.

Well fuck me up and suck me dry. This internet merry-go-around isn't getting any better; it's flickering in and out like a strobe light. But frikkin metaltabs is just fine. Damn, I mean, I was supposed to prepare a presentation on how to operate a site this weekend and I had it all so neatly planned out. What I was gonna prepare in the CMS, have all the admin accounts ready and lined up, everything set up with a bit of polish, just roll out the red carpet and let the happy lambs dance into their new playground. What this amounts to, however, is me trying to do two days worth of work in about four hours in the time I'll have with a decent connection tomorrow. I'm not a happy man. And I have formal training in the handling of chainsaws and heavy machinery. The situation is excruciatingly frustrating, what with all these social inhibitions lying around.
Pft.

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The day after halloween is one of the only reasons I still keep my facebook account

skeet skeet

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Amadeus, it sounds like the MT gnomes were unleashed. (My husband just asked me if I have a spare flannel nightie for him to wear since it's supposed to be 20 degrees tonight. )

Halloween was spent half dead on the couch for 2 days. We haven't got trick or treaters in years so no biggie here. I do miss seeing the kids dressed up, but there's not any young ones around here anymore.

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I saw the greatest costume idea last night. Some dude was dressed as security at a bar (with the "SECURITY" shirt and even a little thing in his ear) and people totally bought it. I watched him randomly ask people for their IDs and turn some away. Brilliant. Then I played minefield with a friend. 10 shots, 5 are water, 5 are liquor, and I got fucked.

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I spent the whole night not answering the door. It was great. I'd hear the doorbell chime and I'd just sit there, not answering it. I could clearly see the silhouettes of witches' hats through the shades on my kitchen window and I could hear the impatient excitement of small children as they huddled around my porch, and I subsequently heard the excitement dampen and saw the witches hats get smaller and smaller as they walked away after a prolonged period of me not answering the door. I think I would say that it was the best night of not doing anything I've ever had since that time I didn't have sex with the girlfriend I never asked out.

Keeping a diary when this is how one spends his nights is a real challenge, but the beauty of it is that if your primary hobby in life is not doing anything you can use that to not write the best diary entry that's ever existed which I can then spend several hours a day not reading. When it comes time to write my autobiography I could either fill an infinite number of volumes detailing the many things I spent a particular day not doing or I could just spend the rest of my life not writing about it at all ensuring that it's the best autobiography ever not written, which is both a more economical option and one which I'm sure that you, my friends, would prefer.

I know what you're thinking: "why didn't you just not write this post?" Well, fuck you and your gay dads, that's why.

For images of the girls who dressed hawt?

yep you guessed it, its amazing what kind of stuff they will put up on fb.

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I lol-ed so hard at that I had a coughing fit! Thanks for the lung shaker. That was awesome!!!

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Baby, you're more than welcome.

hahaha, I got two good reads from Paddy in under a minute and a half. Thank you, my Irish Lover.

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He may be your lover, but I sig'ed him first!

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Fellas, fellas! I have a mouth and an anus! You can switch at half-time, preferably high-fiving each other as you do so.

Let's discuss penises for a moment:

1. I have a theory (which is true for me) that your erect penis will be the same length as your hand, measuring from the point at which the palm becomes the wrist all the way up to the tip of the middle finger. Please, try this the next time you get stiff and report back to me.

2. Is it normal for your cock to weep an extra teaspoonful or so of cum-lube about 10 - 15 minutes after the primary wad has been shot? Or have I got a leaky tap?

3. I have another theory that right-handed people's cocks will generally lean to the left, whilst left-handed people's cocks will hang to the right. According to my theory, the hand you use to jerk off will affect the leaning of the beef-pod because of the constant hammering and tenderising of said love-pod from a fixed angle.

I need raw data for my scientific paper, which I'm hoping will be peer reviewed by Reader's Wives magazine, so please respond with as much detail as possible. Photographic evidence will only strengthen my case further. It's all in the interest of science and maths and stuff so there's no need to feel embarrassed.

1.) Can't test while at work, but from looking at it I'd say it looks about right. The width definitely does.

2.) When I use lube, I find that there's usually a glob or two that seeps out after around 10 minutes of the one-handed shuffle.

3.) I'm right handed and mine definitely leans to the left.

So I heard about some girl in Spain that recently gave birth at the age of 10 and was pretty surprised. Then I started wondering if she now holds the world record. I was wrong, but only off by about 5 years: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina.

Christ.

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1. true for me, I doubt for everyone
2. I have this too, it is really annoying
3.I am right handed and my cock does go to the left
4. I would post a pic but I think it would awkward for all of us.

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MILF!

How weird would it be to go to the same primary school as your daughter? Who's gonna help who with their homework? What would parents' evening be like? IT'S IMPRACTICAL! I wonder if she was to have an abortion would the doctor just say "fuck it" and behead her. "Shit, I've killed older".

Still, I take my hat off to the genetics-defying sex machine who did the deed. That wasn't rape, it was art.

Just because I want to see your cock for no real reason doesn't mean there's any gross or weird about it! I just wanna see your cock! That's all! Show me the cock! SHOW ME THE COCK!

Would have been better if it was "Show me the cunny!", but what can ya do?

Actually, I must remember that one for when I talk about vaginas being the same width as a mouth when it's saying "Weeeeeeeeeeee!".

Thanks for doing it again this morning, Paddy. heehee

I think I read in an unofficial cruise book that inadvertently got left at my apartment when the ship was out that the reason a man's tinkletime veers left or right is because he's done it with an oriental person.

Reading that book was much like reading here only with poetry about specific peop- wait, we have that. Okay, with pride of country- whoops! Got that, too. Hmm, maybe that it was written on water is the only difference. Oh, and written solely by guys - that are mostly straight and sober at the time- mostly.

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I generally make most of my posts whilst sitting in a puddle of my own rust water; does that count?

Oriental pussy is legendary. A friend of mine was not only convinced of the following factoid, but actually claimed to have experienced it first hand. Well, first penis. It is this: oriental pussy sucks you in. They're genetically different to any other pussy, and are formed in such a way that a vacuum is created during rumpy-pumpy which makes it feel like there's a midget living inside the woman's fanny, surreptitiously giving you an aggressive blowjob. When they say "me love you long time" few people realise that this simply means you'll be unlikely to escape in a timely fashion unless you have access to a shoehorn.

Irish pussy, inversely, spits you out and even makes that "ptooey" sound like when someone has to give you the Heimlich manoeuvre when a cocktail sausage goes down the wrong way. It's like trying to fuck a network of bungee cords. This is why most Irishmen prefer the quivering pink anuses of pale young boys. It's not about being a paedophile or even a sex offender, it's about...actually, no, it is about that. Fuck me I loves me some pale young boy anus.

1. Yeah only a little longer. I just won`t ask how you came up with that theory.
2. Yeah that`s pretty normal. The underwear shot!
3. And again yeah that`s true. I think it`s because we wank hardest in the age where our penis is still growing (speaking of the age from 12-16) so the flesh is getting harder on the right side and is overpowering(?) the left side so it`s starting to make a slight turn to the left!

And pics only via pm

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I saw this on fb. Which one of you yoyo's did it?

"my dyslexic mate smeared boot polish on his willy at 2am on sunday morning, he thought he had to turn his c*ck black"

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well this place is very dead

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This place goes through lulls, especially during the holiday season when we can all afford booze. Or can't. I can't. Someone send me money?

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its not even even the holidays yet, just hell week. and go ferment some jenkem you poor fuck.

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I have money now. I just sold a freakin Manowar shirt on eBay for $60. Go me

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Well, then you're buying lunch for the rest of us.

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Holy shit. I don't know what's more impressive - that you made $60 off a shirt or that you actually owned a Manowar shirt.

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I'll save you a step and just send Duvel

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The old times man. Was almost one of my first shirts ever, when I still thought they were the kings of metal. Age brings wisdom

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