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2003-02-03, 21:01
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New Blood
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: idaho
Posts: 17
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How bad does this suck?
Courage you need be
this blood on your hands
all that befallen
another dying man
strenght you have not
watching you cower
to something more weak
your dying power
Drifting
Crowded minds are filtered
bleeding hearts are captured
corrosive minds will smite
easily over delicate minds
who do you serve under
watching the sun set
blindness settles in
abnegate my mind
loosing face in all eyes
loosing
nothing
well thats my lame contribution
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My Balls Your Chin!
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2003-02-04, 03:02
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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with a title like that, you expect negative comments, eh?
hehehe, well to me it seems all out of wack.i don't know if that means
anything, but that's the first thing that i thought of.
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
 
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2003-02-04, 06:18
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New Blood
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: idaho
Posts: 17
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hahah
yea im just trying to get a rise but yea that has meaning if you can catch it.
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My Balls Your Chin!
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2003-02-04, 06:22
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Master Killer
Alumni Staff
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
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It's ok, it seems like it needs a bit more emotion and the rhyme taken out (cowar, power thingy)
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2003-02-04, 08:03
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New Blood
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Finland
Posts: 36
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That sucks!!! I really donīt like, but my opinion is worth nothing so donīt mind a fuck I say!!! Make more retarded shit like that and you might get famous some day.
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Lle n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina
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2003-02-21, 15:29
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New Blood
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Indiana
Posts: 35
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Quote:
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That sucks!!! I really donīt like, but my opinion is worth nothing so donīt mind a fuck I say!!! Make more retarded shit like that and you might get famous some day.
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Is this supposed to rhyme? It flows like a Dr Seuss. book or something.
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one fish two fish red fish blue fish
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2003-02-21, 21:41
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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if you say it fast, its sounds awesome.
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Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2003-02-23, 17:23
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Actually the first 4 lines is what I had trouble with. After that it wasn't too bad, but for some reason I can't find the flow to those lines. I'll probably come back later and go -duh! - I've done that before numerous times. And I don't think you actually intended those other lines to rhyme , did you? I'm not against rhyming at all. It just didn't seem like it was part of the plan.
My favorite part happens to be-
strenght you have not
watching you cower
to something more weak
your dying power
....flow and imagery nice
One thing about the usage of 'dictionary' sounding words. I'm 'old' so I've heard lots of lyrics and not many use more than regular vocabulary so the average person can understand it. Poetry is a bit different, but if there's too many I wouldn't give it a second glance. That's purely my opinion though. Bands like Floyd, Pantera, Beatles used regular vocabulary but the way they used the words is what brought the lyrics to life.
Is there an underlying message in this ? I thought it was pretty good.
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2003-02-24, 05:11
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Finland
Posts: 434
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Quote:
Originally posted by powersofterror
if you say it fast, its sounds awesome.
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Lets write a whole song for Suicidal Tendencies about it! 
Yeah, I had some touble reading it too... Dont know what it is but its...
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Doom what thou wilt
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