...ask what you can do for your CUNT-ry"








I suck at these

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first

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I don't like that language, but I still laughed.

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Free Fender shirt (USA only) for any of the American MetalTabbers on here that want one.

Details here.

Offer expires June 30 2009.

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I thought it was "ask not what your country can do, only regret that you have but one life to live."

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"If I have but one live to live let me live it as a blonde."

-- some old hair color commercial

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Nope.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB6hLg3PRbY



omg wait...







3,000'th POST!!!


(And it only took 5 years!)

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And I'll hit it in less than 5 years! HA!

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One more for this thread;

Oh, women all have very low IQs,
So it's pointless when they try to share their views.
They should use their tiny brains
To clean out laundry stains,
And to wash the dog shit off their husband's shoes.
Scrubb-ity poo!

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If men had half the brain they think
They wouldn't step in stuff that has stink
A woman would avoid a rancid odor
But guys get off on the smell of a floater
I think you better go check your shoe
Unless that's your feet that smell like pooh
biddah biddah diddy dah

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Don't ask... what you can do for your country!!
Ask what your country can do for you!!

Almost ironic that one band hosted both lines that are exactly opposite... my favorite band, actually.

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what band was that? id say toxik but i really dont remember that being on the album anywhere

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OHHHHHHH,
Women should be pregnant every day
from their early teens until they're old and grey.
And when they're tired of labor pains
we should wrap 'em up in chains
and dump them into San Francisco bay
Drown-ety sue!

EVERYONE WATCH THIS NOW-
http://tinypic.com/player.php?v=2rdjae1&s=5

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq2AzObeZ44

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv6psE7l7rk

EDIT: oooo now that I watch it, maybe it was just on the mtv version... right at the end they had the Bush quote on the Symphony video... w/e

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Tonight, Joe re-learned that dextroamphetamines can get you high.

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Do you have a prescription for that, son?

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that's top secret...

damn I just totally crashed, but then I took a nap and a little shower, and I'm back on my feet again.

now time to cut up some lines... possibly

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I did a few lines the other night for the first time in 2 years... now I remember why I used to like it so much

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MTM, have you seen my canister of Comet cleanser? Someone spilled part of it, but I can't find the container now.

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just got back from a quick camping trip on the mountains. my dumbass highschool graduate friends decided to pitch the tent on a giant rock

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heehee he said pitch the tent......I remember when my husband used to do that EVERY morning.

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Women are stupid, and I don't respect them,
That's right, I just have sex with them,
You're talking to me about stuff, why?
I'd rather see your titties,
Now you're talking to me about other stuff, why?
I'd much rather see your titties,
I can't have sex with your personality,
And I can't put my penis in your college degree,
And I can't shove my fist in your childhood dreams,
So why're you sharing all this information with me?
It's not sexist 'cause I'm saying it in a song,
That's right bitch, now take off your thong, and...
Knock knock, who's there?
It's me, wondering why you're not naked,
Knock knock, who's there?
Me again, still wondering why you're not naked,
I wanna see your bum, I don't care what you say,
No I don't have feelings, 'cause feelings are gay,
Something something in the month of May,
Bitches love my penis 'cause it's really big,
Girl's brains are much stupider than men's are,
So they should always listen to us, 'cause we're smart,
Women are only good for three things,
Cooking, cleaning, and vaginas,
I can give good sex to you,
'Cause I'm really good at sex,
I can give good sex to you,
'Cause I'm really good at sex,
Aww yeah, that's right,
Shake your...bums,
I'm out of here,
I gotta...go have sex with a lot of girls.

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If you have sex
Like you write po-poems-
You better hang it up
And just go home, homes.

Gomli, that really sucked.

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LOL!

We are just running through RTTs at of lately.

That was something by Jon Lajoie. YA GENITALIAAAH


So Req, you ordered your stuff yet?

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Wasn't that in Cheech & Chong?

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I was thinking the same thing, but like you I'm not sure...

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I'm pretty sure it was. But I haven't seen that movie since I was like twelve.

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http://www.metacafe.com/watch/334546/ajax_girl/



Classic movie BTW, you were'nt a fan of this one when it came out... were you?

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I've returned from my adventures in Narnia,
Only to find that there are too many posts to get through.
Now, if someone could condense the past week into an easily digestible soundbite
That'd be just tickety-boo!

Gurgling, yawning, gaping sphincters house yummy treats
For those with a taste for the more savoury of sweets
Such as chocolate burgers and peanut butter curry
That shit will vacate your bowels in a hurry!

What's this I've been hearing about women deserving no rights?
Kites and shites and shites and kites?
I think women have the right to remain soft 'n pink
And anything they secrete may be ravenously supped upon, I think!

Fuck me I have little to no life.



Said the farmer to his wife,
Who then proceeded to commit suicide
Via sexual intercourse with a knife.

Pulsing fountains of arcing spunk
Filling a corpse's stiffening trunk
Necrophilia is the new Scrubs!
A crushing, lonely disappointment with shit writing and acting...shrubs
Are a type of bushy thing
With green leaves and roots
If only I had another dollar
I'd have enough to rent Das Boot!

Yeah, I just went with the Rogue. I've heard them in action and they sound pretty good. It's not like I'll be stuck with that bass forever. Prolly end up getting an Ibanez in about 6 months.

FUCK. Going to chruch brb.

Church?

And if that word was meant to be church, why are you going to church?

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Aw, I'm so proud of you guys for getting that reference. Yes, I was a fan of this when it came out. I was also pregnant so I was stone cold sober watching it for the first time at the drive-in in 1979. Loved it. Still do. And the soundtrack is great, too.

I'm searching every whi-i-i-ich way-ay!

Definitely a classic.


And I just got home from church a bit ago. Very nice today as always.

Paddy, you're pretty much caught up.

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Do any of you old timers here remember the metaltabs comic strip? I don't remember the details of storyline, who drew it up, or who was in it, but it was kinda cool.

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Bah! I bet that was torture then wasn't it? My father has the album from that era (sister mary elephant anyone?) and needless to say the giant rolling paper that it came with is long gone

She totally killed like more than two 8 balls in one rip... if that was real and I was Chong I would have been maaaaaad.

lard ass! lard ass! I think someone stole my up in smoke dvd, I really need to get it back.

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roflmao, I have to watch that again. The rolling paper was in Big Bambu, I think. Not sure if that's the right spelling or not. I bet the albums with the paper intact will be collector's items. Stoners just couldn't resist the "big one." I've still got a few LP's and the cd for "Up in Smoke."



Class, CLASS, SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you



Sgt. Stadanko, Stacy Keech, got busted for cola a few times which was pretty funny since he played a cop.

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+

= FAIL.

All songs must be in limerick form to honor Artie Kendall. However, here's some haiku I recently received from a fan;

"Chris is my idol.
He's the world's greatest hero.
I want his semen."

and...

"Tall, strong, muscular.
Curly locks frame handsomeness.
Chris is huge down there."

plus...

"World leaders envy...
Machismo oozing like sweat.
Chris is a real man."

finally...

"Chris has gorgeous nuts.
They feel perfect in my mouth.
I am Paddy's mom."

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God dammit. I opened the freezer this morning and a frozen pizza slid out and hit me right in the dick

In other pointless news, some guy committed suicide on the train tracks near my house the other night. However, the mess was cleaned up before I could go investigate for myself

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HAHA what the hell!? How tall is your fridge??

About the same height as me (5'9). See, last night I packed my freezer with too much shit and closed the door really fast before everything could slide out (the lazy mans way) and upon opening it this morning to get some ice, the damn pizza slid out on a downward angle and assaulted Percy.

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Percy? PERCY? That's a pretty g-ensdj-h-hwkp-e-fnef-y name. I hid a word in there if you look real close. I think George Carlin had something to say about that name if I remember correctly. If not, screw you anyways. I'm old.

Maybe your freezer thought the pizza needed some peckeroni? Or maybe freezer is just a substitute word for something ----behindyou?

I've had too much coffee and chocolate.

There was a guy and girl in town that my husband knew that were dating and had just gotten a house together. She'd had a few mental issues, but they both seemed really happy. One day on the way to the new house she was about 3 cars back waiting for a train to go by. She drove around the other cars and slammed into the moving train. It went about a mile before the engineer found out and could stop it. Too late by then. She was in her late 20's. A real shame. They never did find out why she did it.

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xD

Because I respect my girl friend(but I still annoy her). Plus I'm not letting her to there with out me. Christian's are fucking crazy.

Req likes it for the priests that are overly willing to fondle his genitals

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I resemble that remark!
Bless you whether you like it or not!

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Jesus reminds me of this guy I used to know in prison.

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Same first name.

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Anyone seen this before? Pretty fucked up.

http://www.bestgore.com/beheading/d...orst-beheading/

Very good point If my girlfriend had religious beliefs I wouldn't let her near those people alone either.

Hey man, I've let them do that to me. Would you turn down free wine?

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well now when ya put it that way..

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Oh fuck, imagine this priest molesting you

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i bet his cock is the size of my torso

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mmmmmmmm...

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and i bet his torso is the size of my cock

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MMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

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my e-peen is bigger than yours

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Yes indeed! The kid who's begging for mercy tries reasoning with the guy with the huge knife. He says things like "I'll give you information, you don't have to do this, you're good people!" and the guy actually hesitates (you can see him throw his arms up, and he says "what am I gonna do?"). Then the guy with the camera, and some of the other chaps, start taunting him and yelling "cut him up! Torture him!". One guy tries to join in, and bashes him on the head with a rifle butt, prompting the guy with the knife to tell him to back off, saying "I can do this myself!". The guy with the knife accepts that he's not gonna convince his comrades to let the kid go, so he starts trying to tie the kid's arms behind his back with his belt, and the kid starts screaming "mama! Mama!". He starts cutting, but he struggles a bit, and ends up just digging it into his neck a few times. I think he may have been trying to cut the arteries without cutting the trachea, so the kid could at least breathe as he dies.

All of the people featured in that clip are now either dead or in prison. The guy who was hesitating to kill the kid told a news crew, when he was caught, that he felt pity for him. He lost an arm while in prison, not sure if he's still alive by now.

VERY sad and disturbing clip, so don't click it if you have a problem watching teenagers having their throats cut right down to the spine

You know how he looks when he isn`t angry or in church ,eh?

http://www1.borderline-erding.de/up.../Magersucht.jpg

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PENTAGRAM IS PLAYIN IN WACKEN

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Finally got down to model weight. She's ready for that catwalk!

Looks photoshopped.

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I think they just used his body and added a different head.

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That would still be a huge cock

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Yeah, they made him a lot prettier. Not sure why.

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I take it you never saw a hog's behind?

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Yes, through my binoculars, every time you get something out of the oven.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM! ZING! POW! SOC! KERPLOWER!

I didn't wank to it. And I didn't do it in the bushes behind your house, nor did I use a page from a porn mag to wipe myself down, and I didn't then stick that page against the side of a tree by way of marking my cummy territory, and I didn't wait in a different bush at the other side of the garden until I saw you finding the porn mag page and sniffing it and poking at it with an inquiring finger, and I didn't have a wank whilst watching THAT nor did I repeat the steps outlined above indefinitely until next week sometime, maybe Thursday, when you start noticing my shits and food wrappers as they accumulate in little mounds around the garden and realise you have a visitor and that it ain't moles.

Did I do good??

Well, I don't think we were talking about you anyhow, Paddy, and that's particularly disturbing since most of the bushes out back are either wild roses or blackberries and they both have mass quantities of thorns. You really should look before you leap unless it was just an excuse to dive into a bunch of prickers. But maybe I just answered the question.

But yes, you did good. We video taped the whole ruckus from the light on the back of the barn. It's really a camera.
Want to buy a copy?

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Hmm, the oven? I was wearing my flannels on day while getting something from the oven and Bob asked his brother when I painted the kitchen plaid. He also told his dad that the witch had her head in the oven and asked if he should give me the boot and shut the door.

You can't top that. My family hates me more than anyone.

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http://omgpop.com/

sign up and message "Euphoriate"

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Every rose has its thorn, and so does my cock when I slide a rose stem up my submarine's torpedo chute.

"Submarine?" I hear you ask. Well, let me explain. It's long, it's hard, it's wet and it's full of semen.

Paddy: regurgitating playground humour since 1998!

I'll PM you about the video. We can discuss the usual details, such as the amount of blackmail money you want and the shipping/packaging requirements. Oh, and you might wanna head to the barn with a plastic bag, I left a lil' something in there. I rolled it in hay so that it'd just look like a hay-stick. Those are actual farmy-type things, yes? Or have I been grossly misinformed and sexually abused by four different clowns from four different circuses? What an unlucky little cunt I was that day.

Your son and I have much to discuss, preferably while we're both spit-roasting you to the almost casually sexual tones of Barry White.

I enjoy a challenge. Let the games begin!

Intewesting!

EDIT: PaddyM is my name, being moderately good at internet games is my...game.

That wasn't hay. *waits for the itch to begin*
I wouldn't want you anywhere near my family. You'd blend in too much.

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How do you add people? This seems fun.

I'm xRequiem.

Why is nobody posting today?

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nothing good to post about

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since when did that stop anyone?

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since today apparently

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well not for me. I'll continue to contribute useless and meaningless posts to this forum!

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ok. sup?

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I'm goin to bed now. All the activity around here has worn me out. Where were you like two hours ago when i was sitting here bored and was looking for shit to talk about on here? I hope i dont have a night's sleep like last night. I woke up 4 different times in a cold sweat from intense nightmares. Dont know what the fuck caused that shit.

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I was killing time elsewhere I guess

probably something you ate, that or a gypsie curse. I have the pissing curse where I have to wake up 6 times a night to piss.

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It's a pikey curse for what he said about me in the photobook thread A pox and a monkey upon you and yours!!

I'm currently at my brother's place, babysitting my niece/goddaugter, and later my nephew (that is, my nephew will be home from school later, I don't mean my niece is having a sex change). Funny little guys haha. Just a shame I have to get up at the crack of dawn - as opposed to the crack of some big-titted brunette with low self-eteem - to mind them. I loves my sleepitimes Although not so much when I'm having nightmares about paramilitary death squads driving around my street looking for me.

Is anyone else like me in that their dreams are more vivid if they are lying on their right side? Is it just a coincidence, or does the pooling of blood/fluids on the right half of your brain affect the dream state? Or maybe the pressure of the left hand side of your brain weighing down on it? I know that the right side deals with creativity and imagination, while the left side deals mainly with logic, so it sounds plausble!

It does, and you're just a big smelly cunt if you don't agree

It's supposed to be less stressful on the heart if you lie on your right side so all your organs don't weigh on the heart. Personally if I sleep on my back I can almost guarantee nightmares. Even if I start out on my side if I wake up on my back it's usually from nightmares.

Paddy, I'm shocked they taunt you like that with their own kids!! You should have been around to babysit mine! Well, you still can if you want to. It might be a little more challenging now. They're both pretty warped.

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There's not much I can do with them until Obama ends his "War on Dingbats" and removes the giant wall skirting Ohio.

Someone get back HAMMERSMASHEDFACE and satan'sshedder

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There's only so long you can get away with midget pedophilia before Scotland Yard is up your ass. It's directly proportionate to how much money you have, but there's still a limit.

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So you're trying to remedy the problem by enticing him with uniformed gratuities? That's male logic for ya.

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OMGPOP


....is fun

Those fuckers automatically take their monthly shakedown payments from my account via Direct Debit, what more can I do??

I suppose I could stop abducting under age midgets, but then what would I have to talk about around here? I GOT NOTHIN' ELSE! And what would I have to use as a mental barrier between me and the earth-shatteringly hopeless reality that I'm little more than a fat cunt with a misshapen penis?

Help me to help myself! By Satan's festering foreskin, HELP ME!

If these uniformed gratuities are delivered by Officer BassBehemoth I'll be unable to resist. I bet he has a lovely pink lil' asshole, and is probably indistinguishable from a pretty girl from behind if he clasps his meat and pulls it up towards his belly, unless he has a hairy ass, in which case he'll just look like a one-eyed winking chimp.

There's nothing gay about any of this, by the way, despite my unwieldy erection - he just has really smooth face-skin which would feel really nice against me...that's all it is...that's ALL that shit is!!

Disclaimer: I like fannies (U.K. translation).

But if I had to be gay against my will, for instance if someone took my family hostage and said "do something gay and I'll let 'em go" I'd ship BB over here ASAP. I haven't thought about this before now, so I wouldn't know exactly what'd happen next...I definitely haven't thought about this or similar scenarios before...

TASER MY BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I like fannies (U.K. translation).

But if...ahhh fuck this.

I've signed up but I've yet to actually play a game haha. I reckon I'll be better off playing these games than Quake, I might actually stand a chance!

Interview at McDonnalds today, fuck yeah
I'm gonna kickstart my construction management career by flipping burgers

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REAL FAT HEAVY METAL !

Better than no job I can only tell man

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drawn', at least there you'll be making minimum wage which is more than I've made at some jobs before. You do what you need to do to get where you want to be as long as it's legal.

Don't accept ANY position Paddy wants. I don't think I really need to tell you that.

Disclaimer: Paddy has a new place to park his fanny now. (USA translation)

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Help you? Nah... you're much more amusing in your current state.

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well I have it pretty good actually. living with my parents as a college student and always having something to eat, i just want to make some cash and have something to do. I basically don't do anything all day.

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Good man! I hope you get it! There's no shame in bottom-of-the-rung jobs. Every great business man started from the bottom, the one's who have it handed to them usually end up - at best - managing the sort of place you'll be working in pretty soon. And even I, with my severe crippling fucking thick lumps of stupidity, could manage an eyelid and anus repository like MacDonald's.



STOP TRYING TO SABOTAGE MY PROGRESS IN LIFE WITH YOUR NEGATIVE VIBRATIONS!

On an unrelated topic (well, unless you wanna relate it to the "fucking thick lumps of stupidity" comment) I had a bath just now, and as usual the act of drying myself off afterwards left me more sweaty than before I had the fuckin' bath, rendering the entire escapade a waste of time and hot water. So, rather than spending 20 minutes peeling my jeans over my greasy legs I decided to use my bedside fan to dry myself off as much as possible - using the fan, I could remain stationary and let the fan-propelled air do the work, meaning no excessive movement meaning no more sweat. GENIUS! It was when I was drying my naked, dangling cock, balls and anus while holding the fan about a foot away from my supple, glistening body when I was suddenly struck with an overwhelming urge to try and stuff the tip of my foreskin through the protective cage which houses the fan blades.

And I nearly did. I gingerly, with my cock held at the base with one hand so as to create a sort of forward marching slug, approached the fan and had the fuck-knuckle right against the cage, and just before I poked the end of the meat-balaclava through one of the gaps provided by the sturdy wire frame, I had a vision. My vision took me to a hospital emergency room, and in this room was a nurse, me and my bleeding cock. And all I can remember is not being able to come up with a reasonable excuse for what I did to my little friend (say hello!), and the disgusted, disappointed look in the nurse's eyes. He shook his almost expressionless head as you would if a child were to fart during prayers. And then I knew, I knew that I must withdraw Capin' Love from the jaws of grinding, slicing death and live. LIVE!

On the downside, actually going through with the idea probably would have landed me a book deal. "My Struggle, by Paddy McMullan" or some such nonsense.

Everything I said was true and you're an absolute shit-sniffer if you don't believe me. A SHIT SNIFFER, I say!

CUNTS AND MIDGETS AND REAMS OF GIRL-CUM! YUMMY, YUMMY GIRL-CUM!!

What a disappointment. I thought you were going to try to tell us you broke the fan blade with it. Oh well. You're such a drama queen.

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What, I'm a clown? I amuse you? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? Sweet! It's not really proper human contact or friendship, but it's close enough for me

It's what you do with it that counts! I like to hammer pins into the helmet whilst I sit on a massive dildo, thus breaking open the Circle of Infinite Chocolatiness, allowing the bountiful feast within to burst free all over my kitchen floor, and I leave it there to dry overnight for the cleaning lady to busy herself with the next morning. Ahh mum, when will you ever learn!?

She hasn't told you what she's doing in YOUR room, has she? Never EVER think you're getting one over on a woman. We're sneaky.

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She's in my room flicking herself off, slinging her jelly all over my pillows, and blow-drying it so that it's not immediately obvious what she's done. But she doesn't seem to realise that I can't have a good night's sleep without the smell of her rotting fanny-gel stinging my nostrils.

Hmm, that's what my peanut butter and graham crackers needed. Jelly! You're posts always remind me of food somehow.

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Every woman's first reaction when they meet me or talk to me is "Hmmm, I wonder which parts of Paddy I can fit in my mouth?" or "I'd sure love to sup upon pretty much any squeezing from that guy!"

You want ME on your crackers, you're just going about it in a very obtuse and very psychologically warped way.

Nope. Obtuse and warped? Sounds like a fun house mirror.

Hey, have fun babysitting the next 2 days. You know, before the weekend starts? Like a couple days from now?
So happy I could piss someone off a few thousand miles away. I get the bitch crown. That tickles the livin' shit out of me.

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If you're gonna go gay for anyone, make it BB. It's so worth it. Just remember the timeless words of the Ultimate Warrior; "queering don't work". I think he meant long term, though. It's open for interpretation, anyway.

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