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Old 2009-04-30, 09:44
Last Man Standing
New Blood
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 32
True Love is Forever

Comment...!!!

Come with me my love,
As I end this life I have.

Life is a prison,
But we will escape together.

We値l bleed to death
In each other痴 arms.

I値l slit yours,
If you slit mine.

I値l shoot you,
If you shoot me.

Feed me pills I知 not supposed to take,
And I値l share them with you in our last kiss.

We値l jump together,
And we値l hit the ground holding hands.

We can dive into the water,
And watch each other lose our last breath.

We can sip poison,
And die like Romeo and Juliet.

I don稚 mind,
As long as I go with you by my side.

We値l walk into the light together,
And be free from this torment we池e drowning in.

If this is the only way to escape life痴 pain,
Then bleed on me darling, as we slip away.

I値l look in your eyes.
One kiss goodbye.
And I値l see you soon.

They値l find us on the floor,
Soaking in each other痴 blood.

My eyes locked on yours,
And yours on mine.

My arms around you,
And yours around me.

If death is the answer to love痴 mysteries,
Then we will find it, no matter what it takes.

People die,
But true love is forever.
 
Old 2009-04-30, 10:28
Unanything's Avatar
Unanything
Post-whore
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
There was nice two-sided symmetry there that indicates that they are two halves of a whole but I felt it could have been tapped more.

I don't like the generic pain thing. Be more specific. Is their love frowned upon or forbidden? It's makes it hard to sympathise. Especially in the modern climate where being apparently irreparably morose has the strange dualistic status of being both yawnsome and comical.

Overall, it's a beautiful sentiment and it's applied well in an extreme realisation.

Good work. And I initially read it for a laugh.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fatdanny
Also, check out Autopsy, the vocalist sounds like hes about to eat your grandmother while fucking you in the eye. Brutal.


Quote:
Originally Posted by floridadude
I coated the end of a toothpick with Satan's blood and simply wiped it across the top of an omelet. PERFECT!
 
Old 2009-04-30, 16:19
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
I'm still debating on it. It seems too much like a list to me. The form isn't bad and it breaks from the structure a little which keeps it from being totally tedious, but it's just not doing it for me. That's only my opinion. Someone else may love it.
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