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2009-04-11, 19:24
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Quantum.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,149
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Dark and dancing
Did you choose the lessons you were learned
I've never known
What was punishment, what was earned
I've watched and put down
These shelves hold wisdom and folly in equal measures
I know them all but I ask you yet again
Did you ever choose, the lessons you were learned
Of many things a man may know
Heavy, compared, seems what he has in tow
Yet you need but sidestep
The lessons, of the particular life
A person, need not say
Simply herself, and everyday
And give me this sensation
Of dancing in the dark
They seem to go together
Dark and dancing
And here I am yet again
I'm dancing in the dark
__________________
Listening to Cannibal Corpse and cutting trees with a chainsaw, now that's metal
"He preferred the hard truth over his dearest illusion. That, is the heart of science."
- Carl Sagan
"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
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2009-04-11, 19:31
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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The line "I've watched and put down" seems awkward to me. Is that a separate thought or does it go with one of the phrases above or below it?
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2009-04-11, 20:01
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Quantum.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,149
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Double meaning, put down as in put down in writing and put down as in putting down resistance.
__________________
Listening to Cannibal Corpse and cutting trees with a chainsaw, now that's metal
"He preferred the hard truth over his dearest illusion. That, is the heart of science."
- Carl Sagan
"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
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2009-04-11, 21:27
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Thanks for the clarification. I like this piece. It seems thoughtful, lighthearted, but with an undertone I can't quite come up with a word for. A darkish sarcasm or even mild insanity.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2009-04-12, 07:38
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Quantum.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,149
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Nice to hear, not least that you nailed the sought for feeling.
I've had a bit of an issue with that line too, it was a compromise between rythm, rhyming and content, but who knows, maybe someday the perfect words will turn up.
__________________
Listening to Cannibal Corpse and cutting trees with a chainsaw, now that's metal
"He preferred the hard truth over his dearest illusion. That, is the heart of science."
- Carl Sagan
"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
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