This is my sharing of my project...
many songs are here, i just didn't feel right posting them in seperat threads, cus it would take like twenty.

I will start with newest first and go as far back as my fingers will allow, and then whether more is posted or not depends on feed back.


EDIT: so i havn't even gotten half way through my facebook, yet alone starting on my portfolio for From yellow to red, so im gonna stop and see if anyone wants to see more, there are some music quotes with one or two of the songs, they are denoted, and anything not seperated as such are my own words, enjoy.



"In the Abyss"




it is in this abyss,
where evey door opens to a new hall of open doors,
i can't find myself here,
no one could,
it is the abyss.


the only company i have,
the voices of so many,
from past days,
past months,
past years,
and past decades,
all screaming,
singing,
bumping,
bouncing,
dancing,
skanking,
cursing,
smoking,
drinking,
the same shit,
the same meaningless shit,
or the same old distress im in now,
lost,
hopeless,
beyond the hope for,
for some frail hope,
for some frail purpose,
some frail place,
in which to play one last,
one last role,
its all halls and doors,
none choose to open,
just cursed to find before them,
daunting and dark,
meaningless,
on a stage for all to see,
as they fall to this abyss,
where the company is the smoke from my lips,
lifting in spirals,
that bring the hope,
one day i might burn and spiral,
burn and spiral to the heavens,
where my disipation,
my disipation will show,
show proof that i,
that i had a purpose,
and filled one's life,
one's life with the peace,
the only peace i now feel,
knowing,
knowing a carton of more peace sits beside me,
the last companion,
a companion unseen,
but filling me,
filling me the same as the nicotine,
but staying so much longer,
from innocent youth,
till now this abyss,
once guiding,
now soothing,
i just pray it is that Spirt,
Spirit of grace,
grace of God that once filled me with the only hope i had.

sleep doesn't exist,
for it is but a frail,
almost disgusting,
distastefull,
putting aside of reality,
so many choose,
day after day,
retreating from what they don't want to see.

Psychology would call it insanity,
it claims,
and proves,
and theorizes,
it is the natural psychedelics of the mind,
just insanity preceding death,
from lack of peace,
never solving the problem,
they just talk,
pretend to listen,
smile,
and prescribe another poor bastard like me,
another damned drug,
that takes another addicting,
destroying drug,
to bring,
to bring what one friend,
one Spirit would bring,
what one legalized bowl,
one legalized bowl will bring for some.

sobriety is insanity,
insanity is crazy,
and the lost find nothing more,
but these open doors,
so few understand,
so few do more than stand in fear,
while others,
they stand in awe,
and still,
still a very few,
a very few step forward till finally they meet the door that brings them to their knees,
or desperation chokes their spirit from their body,
in which time they sleep their last,
dust builds,
and dirt forms,
but still they exist,
in the furthest door they came to.

alone,
or with company,
depends on which threshold they stopped upon,
too worried,
too pained,
too lost,
too fearful,
or simply,
too ignorant to knock upon or walk through.

a buzzing starts in my heels,
and rises through my calves,
stopping with a pain in my knees and a surreal numbness in my mind.

once i depended on something,
something frail and weak,
but tonight i stood,
stood and ran my path,
one longer,
longer than most might see fit,
but white lines and stars danced before me,
bringing me home,
home to face this abyss,
where i choose to face my reality,
and my reality chases sleep into the morning.

i only know,
only know a wave,
will someday,
someday,
some hour crush me,
in which i will fall,
fall far,
far into sleep,
sleep in which i pray,
pray the spirit of my youth will embrace me,
caress me,
hold me and show me cleansed,
cleansed before the throne of my Cleanser,
my Cleanser,
who in my youth supplied me His Spirit,
to fill me and give me Life,
Love,
and trust,
His trust,
trust that the abyss is not my end,
but His threshold i will fall upon,
in which His Spirit will lift mine,
cleansed to join Him,
in unity,
unity with His Body,
the Body i felt as my youth faded,
but lost when,
when feeling flew from me,
flew from me on wings,
wings so deadly,
so corrupting,
to create this outcast shell,
that some from past but call me,
but those of present only see a murderer,
a rapist,
a loner,
a homicidal punk,
awaiting a chance to destroy,
to destroy so thuroughly,
so thuroughlt break and burn all life around me,
and this i see,
this cold,
cold false reality,
forced upon me,
as a only explanation for my place of current standing,
place of painful exile,
place of being,
misunderstood place of death,
death only seen by them,
them who believe im dead,
to where i must create some theological religious bond to revive,
revive ashes,
ashes not meant to exist,
and in this shell i cry,
cry tears,
tears of lost hope,
cold tears of listless days,
listless days of tears,
in which i drown,
drowned,
drowning,
drowning in cold,
cold waiting,
waiting,
crying,
reaching
hoping,
living lifelessly,
for the one to hold me,
the one to dry my pained face,
and warm my shell,
warm it with her Love,
the same Love i have,
the same Love i cried to be in again,
the One,
the One Love,
that made life,
the Life that breathed His breathe,
into clay,
that it may fill its lungs,
its lungs with the Love It was,
and share It,
share It with one,
for that one i cry and die,
that i may inhale,
one more breathe of It,
and kiss the lips of,
lips of Love,
Love created for me,
that i may not only fall upon that threshold alone,
alone and broken,
but with the one in which,
in which the perfection of Love,
perfection of Love we fall,
we fall upon His threshold of origination,
of the origination of His Love,
that we share inside our binded souls,
and in which warmth is found,
and there we will not love our last,
for together we will arise,
arise and walk,
arise and walk from this abyss,
into the gates,
gates of the home of The Origination,
of Love,
the home of The Creator,
The Fire-breather,
The Spirit filler,
The Love maker,
who loved us from beginning to end,
and will show us into,
into the rooms of Love,
where awe is ours,
And the Love that was ours to begin with,
will be our Life,
our perfected Life.

.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.


"Black!!!"

absorbed into nothing,
the days come through like light and glass,
finally the heat of the matter shatters all,
everything is scattered,
life never again reaches the center,
and in the darkness hides a soul.
lost to all,
pale and cold,
it's black,
the beginning of eternity,
its never going to see again.
yet alone taste the sweetness of air,
air and wind from the hills and trees.
crisped by morning light and mists.
cringing at the picture before,
it takes a step and waits for the end of loss.
Only to realize,
hope in hope isn't hope at all.
days would go by,
but timeless is the state of being in which the black is contained.
He would scream,
but voice is of no substance in the shattered world of black.


a sea rises from the midst of winds and waves,
grinding the pieces to sand,
the black is left alone, not even memories,
of the shattered reality once claimed home,
once claimed the normality and measuring cup of life,
black would cry, but with his soul frozen in the black he stares,
complacency and loss of feeling,
overtaking.

little can he know, for perception is lost,
his memories blurred by loss of placement.
uncertainty erases his understandings of life and he is broken again,
again and again, the blood of his soul pours into the hole,
a hole further reaching into the black,
insanity sets in, it takes him by what inner sense he has left and swings,
around and around, till even these few thoughts are blurred,
he would be thirsty, hungry,
but all is lost in the black and he starves inside his mind,
no nourishment to be found,
for soul, mind or body,
in ball black curls, but not to his knowledge,
his body is forgotten,
he starts to drift,
and as all inside him goes to hell,
in a land not so far away,
but so imperceptibly impossible to exist,
a fire burns, and the sand,
sand of life
carried away by loss, waves and wind,
burns.
it gloes in a brilliant light,
but black still dies,
never seeing the hands of fortune have created,
something so much more beautiful from his world,
but still he dies....

and black dies....


and he forgets the meaning of breathe...

and his mind is closed on last time,

and his soul leaves behind,

a warped, twisted, stagnant corpse,

black is dead....


oh God,

Black is dead...

and a bright light explodes from the midst of the air,

what all thought was nothing,

all saw as destruction, rises,

from flame and fire,

comes the beauty of redemption,

for blacks soul found its home,

in the glowing glass on distant shores.


.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.


"Truth of Past"

i looked at some past writing,
and i am amazed,
so many would call me a writer,
But nothing farther from that am I.

If i was a writer i wouldn't be here,
i wouldn't be dead,
i wouldn't be lost,
because with every click and stroke of pen,
freedom would pour forth.


Nothing as such is my luck,
my situation rather is this,
i look around and cry,
die inside,
with the hope i had for such beautiful things.

Both fade and rot in my insides,
making me sick,
and searching for a remedy i fall to the ground,
only to realize,
i don't care anymore.
I pour from the largest glass,
let the sloshing stall the rot,
and spin my mind from planet to nothingnes,
finally landing here again,
with the rotten covered i breath in a little peace.

I let my lungs fill with smoke,
sweet smoke,
that numbs my mind from what i just went through.
and again i cover the rot with drink.
this time just lost in void,
not space,
just a black face,
no eyes to read,
no lips to taste,
no voice to comfort me.




and here i realize,
i need something,
but i can't have it here and i don't know where to go anymore.
so i look arround hoping to find the slightest similarity to what i need,
only to be rejected,
by one as too good,
by another as too dirty.

i am labeled in darkness and light,
like a cloud that no one sees in the same light.
i just wish, someone
someone would stop,
stop and take me in,
take a picture and show who i am.

from a perspective of grace,
place of love.
sweet
divine,
love i desire,
unkown,
waiting,
again i search,
again i fall,
again i die,
again i rot,
and then i drink to cover the death,
the pain growing inside of me,
no one to listen,
no one to tell,
no one to care,
for or by,
i am not specific,
maybe that is my demise,
yet all the same,
i cant break from this archetype in my mind,
only one will do,
and again i am questioned,
maybe that is my fall,
so must i be,
like everyone else,
a hypocrited,
faceless and lost in fantasy.
dont even mention such to me,
just pass that clarity and burn away the rot with me,
and sooth the craze with another long burn,
from the sweet bowl of turn.

I remember the way i use to be,
the same as now,
just with less need,
and more fantasy.

then it shatters,
i remember where i am,
i look up but there is only artificial light,
clouded by a haze,
of my own making.

and honestly i dont mind,
artificial always hurt my eyes,
always tortured my mind.

for truth be told,
i wanted reality,
to sit and see,
truth in all brutality.




'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.


"Postlude of Her Words"

This bitterness rises in my throat,

as i look and taste the unknown,

can't find myself anymore,

i've drowned behind this door.

If only i could truely love her,

if only I knew all wasn't failure,

if only i could see past what isn't even here...

just maybe,

just maybe,

i could be real once again.





Every time i try to see another way,

only to find its all wasted today,

yesterday, tomorrow, time and money,

all figments of the frail imaginary,

that so many fight for so quickly

so easily,

burn for what isn't even true,

what I thought i knew...

could such a taste really exist,

i never knew any so bitter could rise from mornings mists,

and seep into my wrists,

my throught and lungs,

my heart and soul,

and now im gone,

Im Gone

I"M GONE!!!



I cry here,

but never will a tear,

fall to the ground,

because my stone heart

so cold it will astound

any mortal to perceive it,

and chill any immortal to feel it...

i think i know what i want,

but the want is and unkown desire,

i've felt this way for so long it burns

my emotions strained, like muscles locked in place

for times so long that the matter decays.

and when ancient they have become,

the one who would have loved,

opens the chest to finds something tattered, faceless,

wasted and placeless.



if only it wasn't too late,

for a life to find a faith,

to see the sun and feel warmth,

but it has all gone so far,

and time is still

and again i taste

these bitter desires,

desires of love gone to waste!!!


'.'.''.'.'.'.'.'.'.''.



"im a fool, what do ya know?"

I can't live much longer, especially not the way things are going...

I cleaned everything up, and still God is silent.

Im an idiot, i get that already,

It takes me getting hit by a damn car to figure that out, but hey i get it,

I sorta always did,

But now i can't deny it...

not any longer...

I have been waiting,

i have to admit, i can't wait any longer...

Im tired and my head hurts,

Im not sleeping right anymore, i haven't had that problem in years.

I don't want to go with out sleep for months on end again, i dont' wanna go two nights without it.

Im lost,

i gave it all up,

and guess what, its all gone,

I'm empty now,

All i want is love, but every time i come close
every time, i mess it up,

I let myself depend on whats there, but i don't see that...

and then i move on it, and when the smoke clears, i find myself alone again,

with a fake apparition burning in my mind, taunting me with what i thought was close,

with what i thought i could grasp, and then.....



God Damn all this, i can't take it anymore,

My life isn't life, because life isn't life without love,

and love is not in my life...

I see so clearly it burns out my ability to think, and then all visibility is.....


is...

ahhhahahahahhahaha

rendered useless!!!!!!
Useless!!!

cus now im alone, and there is no where here, it is hell

God is gone and im done...


Matthew Koppel


<center>
behind the mask i live...
whether in fact,
or in figure,
it is all the same,
I am FAKE!!!</center>

"I traced the chord back to the wall, no wonder, it was never plugged in at all..." - Blink 182





'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.''.'''.


"responsibility is yours"


if only i knew,
what to do,

with the endless supply,
the endless number of requirements,

that get us next to no where,
so why are they required,

but only to hold us,
where no one can save us,

when hell is unleashed on our souls,
and torment becomes the only thing that shows,

so they walk arround us,
like the dirt we are,

what they don't realize,
is if they could past their fantasy,

save us from our pain,
then they might save their F------ ass from their own misery,

and what they can't admit,
is we are all dirt anyway...

but past is clear,
and future opaque.

Lies are beautiful,
and truth so fake,

we walk a valley that has darkness hanging over it,
never seeing that all we have to do is hold are self up in what we know to be true, and light will pour through...

help is here, but no one knows what it looks like,
Love is real but no one knows when they feel it.

All would be better if we were not blind,
but the truth we know would fall away,
leave all inable to cope,
so what is the point...
the darkness is savior of our souls, and destroyer of our spirits.
suicide is impossible to weigh, for who has lived to tell the consequence.

Living is impossible,
or so we feel,
and no one that makes it can get there head out of the clouds or their ass
long enough to tell, what it means to get up and past,

past all that hangs in our eyes,
the blood that blinds,
the stars that point us in false directions,
and the bastards the spin fabrications so insane and well detailed our heads spin,
and our hearts sing,
and praise is poured out to nothing,
and when we are emptied,
to everything that was never there, we see,
in the mirrors that box us in,
that we are naked and alone.


'.'''.'.''.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.


this one is more than just lyric, it was a blue print for my idea on a song...


"Cocaine"


Cocaine….(crazy voice, mid/low) (guitar, heavy/low/slow)

Floating through my veins,
All these black stains,
Narcotics, THC,
Floating through the air,
I can hear my hair growing!!! (crazy voice panic/mid/high)

How much more will it take?
To break their backs?
How much more will we fake?
Till we establish their tracks?
Can I live to see the day,
Where the ones I love will be,
Safe from the insanity it all brings.

Aihhhhhhhhh! (insane high)

Broken!!!
Bloody!!!
Beaten!!!
Fuckin dirty!!!!!
Timeless!!!!!
Seemingly costless???
If I catch your ass, you better not be conscious!!!!! (insane voice)

Look what you've done to these,
Feel the intensity.
Break your own face, because it will be painless compared to what I bring!!!!!

Cocaine??? (insane)
Insane (crazy)
Timeless?
You wish!!!
Cus when I come through time will be so quick!!!

Cocaine,
Floating in her veins,
All these stains, you've made in her!
Narcotics, THC,
Baby!!! I love you anyway,
So I come to carry you away!!!!!

Cocaine?!!!!?
Don't touch!!!
You see this hand?
Then you better run?
'cus no one else can,
And it is your flames fan!!!!!

Cocaine,
Let the pain go away.
Baby, I love you,
I won't let you die that way!!!


'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'''.'.'.'.'.'.'.


"dying underneath your car"



Im tired of it all,

I wanted only to be alive,

my hope was crushed by the fall

i only wanted to thrive.


I can't see anymore,
my back hurts

and all is a mess

i lost myself

then you cast me out with the rest.

to hell my soul fell
and soon to dust my body will go.

I can't take it anymore,

so my blood i leave by your door,

the day i snap, i won't let it continue.

For in the end, it isn't worth anyone geting hurt.

I just lay down and dye,

as the stars go by.

Wishing that all would be fine,

By the time you see me again, a corpse i will be.

Let yourself scream its all right.

not everyday that one finds a body in morning's dim light.


Don't feel guilty, i know you don't care.

just call the cops and get out of there.

Bye, i tried,

i tried,

i tried.

i will carve all over my side
i tried
i tried
I TRIED
Branded on my side.

Then i lay down and died.

Under your fucking car!!!!!

I tried
i tried
i tried
i tried
i tried so hard.

but now i let fall, my last card,

for i have died.


GOOD BYE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




'.''.'.'.'.'.'.'.''..'.'.'.'.''.'.'.


"Archetype Broken"


There once was an archetype, so narrow, so beautiful to my eye, but it let in the greatest evils.

It is what i love and loved and it is what i desire, but this last few days, this archetype is broken, in image alone, for in depth she is the same...
I see what i want, i know i want it...

can't it see it is wanted?


and the beautiful flaunts in front of my eye the shimmering of its most utterly amazing.

does it know the danger of what it does?

It pissed of the emo one, and arroused i have become,
can the danger sensed be left undone?

Lines have been pushed, bonds stressed and patience withered.

hell could be unleashed, or heaven opened.

what will it be, my archetype you are...
though in first sight the mold never fit, you looked me in the eye, and instantly my soul went out...
you say i have no right, but you will never know...
what price i paid for what you say i can't, but hell i just did.

go ahead look me in the eye again.

you just lost all argument to fading skies.

the colors were chased away, that bitter night.

but when i chased the horizen a beauty opened to me,
that you will never see...
at least if you see it that way,

you think im joking?
just wait, time is time

life is life

you can't kill me,
because time is life, and life is time.

and neither are mine,

but this i hold, what you say i never will.

just watch me, or better yet be stilll.

for time will come, when i am tested,
and wether you fought or rested,
will decide, the outcome, for us all.


FOR US ALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Good night my love,

pray God be with me,

because though not immediately,

my archetype you be!!!!!!!!!!!!

__________________