well this is the first song i have posted. just give me some feedback on it please

Departing form paradice
Leaving their inocence behind
Reclaming lost hate

Emenating pure evil
Death ingulps the human mind
A picture of what they have lost
In their book of lies

Massmurder to please their hatred
Twisting the words of their sacred text
To recive the non-existant keys to grace

Creating the world in seven days
To meet its distruction
By its own seeds of darkness

Ingulps isn't a word and neither is distruction or paradice. No offense, if you were from the depths of Norway I wouldn't have mentioned it, but you're from America, you should speak English...how old are you?

Cheers,
xx

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*nod*

maybe a lot of typo's or just a lack of intelligence

I can do better than that and I'm dutch...

I don't get the message of your piece either man, can you explain them or something? I write weird shit myself but I just can't figure out this song.

it just rimes, that's all

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uh.. add a chorus METAL - HOMIE?

Also *def-fx* I think s/he was writing something about god.. or uh.. something dealing w/ humans caz

humans turn down heaven, and turn , you know, 'bad'

I have not a single clue on what this is about. Maybe Im just dumb.

Since humans are 'evil' they kill for rather enjoyment - and the sacred text would be the freakin bible caz the thing about 'thou shall not kill'. Last line I dunno, I guess they believe killing is right? 'non-existant keys to grace' which means even though they[humans] think its right... its not.

when god made the world (earth to narrow it down), earth is to be destoryed by its own 'seeds of darkness' which I believe refers to humans.

you know, correct me if Im wrong, but thats just how I preceived the song... what should I know?

yeah you're right, not only is the spelling horrible, it just seems like a bunch of random lyrics

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Yeah, I think killingismybiz figured it out allright, but I don't see the 'whole' story, or how the fuck do I explain it, the lyrics aren't all THAT bad, but there's no red line running thru the whole song.

Here it is with the spelling corrected:

Departing from paradise
Leaving their innocence behind
Reclaiming lost hate

Emanating pure evil
Death engulfs the human mind
A picture of what they have lost
In their book of lies

Mass murder to please their hatred
Twisting the words of their sacred text
To receive the non-existent keys to grace

Creating the world in seven days
To meet its destruction
By its own seeds of darkness

From now on, people: Please know how to spell when you post something. People will gain a better appreciation of your lyrical qualities with correctly spelled words, and will not be forced to waste posts correcting the spelling. If you dont spell it right, I'll fix it for you, but if I have to do that too much, I'm sure I'll do something that might make me, unfortunately, come off as an asshole.

I hate to be redundant, but learn to spell man. I hated it but that's just my personal opinion and since this is your first song I'll forgive you. Keep on trying and hey. WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT I THINK!

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u guys are to harsh... its only spelling.

you can never be to harsh !

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At least the words were so you knew what they were supposed to be. We all can't be perfect at everything. Hell, Einstein flunked algebra. Les Paul's music teacher told him to hang up music. I'm also willing to correct things like that if the need arises. Just holler.
I'm new here so just to let anybody that might care know, when I do things like that or help on verses I don't try to change the author's meaning at all. I just try to make it flow better and get their message across even when I don't agree with it.
I think it takes a couple readings and some 'Bible' background to really get the full flavor of this piece. Sort of like Dogma has more to it if you're familiar with the religious aspects. I thought it was pretty good myself.

Hahaha, you need practice man, Just try to make it a bit better and fix it up and use real word's not made up words. Good luck!!!

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