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Old 2008-09-01, 12:20
JacobDatz
New Blood
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 8
Song I wrote looking for name

Verse 1 - Scream
In a country far from here, fighting over oil
Whose pockets do we line, who do we spoil
Its our own mistakes, why canít we face it
We cover our eyes, are blinded by lies

Break 1 - spoken
For freedom of country and people

Chorus - sung
Conflagration, domination, contributes to my intoxication
I canít hide it, We canít fight it
But I will survive this

Verse 2 - scream
Weíll set off nuclear bombs, to rid the world of the hated
Isnít this wrong but noone will say it
The killer of a killer, does that make him better
who has the right to say who lives and who dies

Break 2 - spoken
We did what we had to do

Chorus - sung
Conflagration, domination, contributes to my intoxication
I canít hide it, We canít fight it
But I will survive this
(we will survive this)

- SOLO-

Chorus - sung
Conflagration, domination, contributes to my intoxication
I canít hide it, We canít fight it
But I will survive this
(we will survive this)

Break 3 - spoken - acoustic guitar/clean riffs
We are sorry maím
you son has been killed in war
he was a great man
 
Old 2008-09-01, 13:49
Nemesis9
Metalhead
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Vienna
Posts: 92
ok, first of all: you don't need to post the same post 2 times

second: nice, for the first attempt. i especially like the beginning of the chorus, where i can already hear a melody for this in my head, just by reading it. especially the lines probably depend a lot on the rhythm you'll use for them.

the topic is a bit overstressed by now and you don't really put any new aspect to it. anyway, i've seen lot's of worse stuff, so it's really fine, especially since this are your first lyrics.

i don't like the ending. it's just some cheesy stuff to me, try to find something more intersting there instead, with which people weren't confronted a thousend times before.

as for the title, it can be a good idea to take the beginning or ending of the chorus, since people will most likely remember that line. depending on your melody one of this two lines you usually also stands out (for example cause it's sung slower, contains a huge interval, is seperated from the rest by a short break,...). if this applies to your song, you could use this line as title. in your case, this would most likely be "survive this" (you've to judge by yourself, wheter this fits the song).

hope i could help, keep writing stuff

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