|
2008-07-20, 19:27
|
 |
New Blood
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: HELL!!!
Posts: 31
|
|
|
Judgement Day
these are the lyrics to my new death metal song. post your opinons.
Judgement Day:
Intermission of my soul
Rotten flesh peels away
Why should I stand this hell?
Hammer lodged into my skull
Why do I have to go through all this pain?
Decay of my body in your dirty hands
You disgusting beast of torture
Drain my life away from me
Hang my corpse on your wall
You've been caught with bloody red hands
I am not your guinea pig
You disgust me to the core
Inquisition of your ways
Judgement day has finally come!
P.s. i know some of the lines suck. especially the "Why do I have to go through all this pain?" line. that being said, bring on the constructive criticism!
|
|
2008-07-21, 16:47
|
 |
Legio Draconorum Orkian
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: upon raging waves
Posts: 4,499
|
|
|
if your not his guinea pig, then why does he have a hammer lodged into your skull, while you hang on his wall
|
|
2008-07-21, 17:40
|
|
New Blood
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: HELL!!!
Posts: 31
|
|
"i'm" just stating that "he" shouldn't be using me as one. but man, never had that qustion asked before.  |
|
2008-07-21, 21:04
|
 |
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
|
|
|
Intermission of my soul
Rotten flesh peels away
Hammer lodged into my skull
Why should I stand this hell?
Drain my life away from me
Decay of my body in your dirty hands --could use on or covers there, too
Hang my corpse on your wall
You've been caught with bloody red hands
Why should I endure this pain?
You disgusting beast of torture --Repulsive beast of torture, maybe? You wouldn't have "disgust" repeated.
I am not your guinea pig
You disgust me to the core
Inquisition of your ways
Judgement day has finally come!
Just a little rearrangement. I kept the bones of the piece. Take or leave it. I just blocked some of the actions together. They were kind of randomly placed so it didn't have quite as much impact. I think if you really got into the character you could get him angrier about his situation.
The point of view I'm seeing this in is from deceased to hereafter. Kinda like a ghost that's still haunting and experiencing his death. Maybe a retaliation since he's still "talking" to the slayer.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Last edited by L,B'XXX : 2008-07-21 at 21:06.
|
|
2008-07-21, 22:57
|
|
New Blood
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: HELL!!!
Posts: 31
|
|
|
okay dude, thanks. i'm gonna make some adjustments to the recording in a few days.
p.s. i can't believe you guessed what the song is about. it's about a guy who is violently murdered and haunts his killer.
Last edited by fiery(arm)pits : 2008-07-21 at 23:20.
|
|
2008-07-22, 17:35
|
|
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
|
|
That's a topic of interest to me so maybe that's why I saw the parallel. 
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
|
|
2008-07-22, 18:49
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: terra firma
Posts: 6,940
|
|
L,B'XXX, a dude? |
|
2008-07-22, 19:59
|
 |
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Emory, Texas
Posts: 1,280
|
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Requiem
L,B'XXX, a dude? |
Yeah dude...I'm a guy...and a metal mom/navy mom.
All the cool kids are doing it.
__________________
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Paddy
Man oh man I'm in the mood for some meat right about now, so much so that I don't even care how implicitly gay this sentence is.
|
|
|
2008-07-23, 12:22
|
|
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
|
|
lol You guys. 
pits,' I'm an old Navy mom, but I still like reading here even though my son is no longer mod here. But when you do your rewrite be sure to post it and I'll give you my opinion.
YOU GUYS COULD DO THAT, YA KNOW!!! 
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
|
|
2008-07-23, 18:52
|
|
New Blood
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: HELL!!!
Posts: 31
|
|
|
you're a mom? okay. sorry fer calling you dude. i didn't see your avatar. let me say it again: okay DUDETTE, i'll make a few adjustments to the recording in a few days.
Last edited by fiery(arm)pits : 2008-07-23 at 19:10.
|
|
2008-07-28, 07:25
|
 |
Metalhead
|
|
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 84
|
|
|
Im a cow
__________________
www.myspace.com/dylanmathesonmusic
I Am One With The Darkness Of The Universe, Gathering Light From The Galaxies To Be Reborn.
-No Heart
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
