Playing an assassin at the moment, I'm glad you can respec in the latest patch. I feel like I already fucked her up lol. I know its subjective but I think paladin is still possibly the best class there is.

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You can re-assign specs now? Holy shit! Are you a trapsin or a awesome ninja one?

Paladins are only good if you make a Hammerdin, and those are kinda boring.. I hear.

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Yep, skill points and stats can be completely reset, I don't think it costs any gold either (I have not tried.)

For now I'm putting all my points into the martial arts charge up skills and finishing moves, ill switch to traps when I get tired of that. Pallys are boring in general but great for farming stuff I think. I never made a hammerdin, just a shitty combo of zeal/holy shock. worked great for normal mode but started to suck hard in nightmare.

edit: I guess you can only respec once, now im stuck with a half assed build

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Whilst you numpties have been fucking around with magic spells and enchanted midgets I've been playing a real man's game:

The Simpsons Hit and Run!!!!!!!!1!1!

God DAMN this game rules. Not only is it just as funny as the show, but it's like a yellow-skinned GTA: San Andreas (minus the death and the hookers). Getting it to work on Windows 7 x64 required some compatibility tweaks, but it runs fine thereafter. Highly recommended, 11 thumbs up.

Oh yeah? Well how about playing Super Mario but as Mega Man? Or Link? Or the dude from Castlevania? Or Samus? With all of their super-powers?

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/534416

Holy fuck that is awesome.

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haha, I'd think you'd like diablo 2, unless you have played it. Its not really an MMO, its a slash and hack pretty much.

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That's fucking great, I can finally machine-gun the shit out of the cocksucking mushrooms!

Mario Bros pisses me off, though. My SNES controllers had teeth marks in them from playing this fucking game.

Hacking sounds good, and slashing only sweetens the deal. I might give it a whirl, but from the screenshots I've seen I don't think it's my cup o' tea.

Is it the primitive graphics or just the cheesiness/nerdiness of it? It's actually a very fun game, though it's pretty simple and not in a 3d environment really. There's quite a bit to it, so it's pretty accessible to just about every kind of gamer (god i hate that word). Whether you like exploring, getting absorbed in a storyline, looting corpses, or just plain old kicking ass. The manliest/least magic inclined character is probably the Barbarian, so if it is the nerdy factor turning you off I'd suggest trying him out. I however TOTALLY FUCKING DIG SUMMONING SHIT OUT OF THE GROUND so i'll probably be sticking with the necromancer

Diablo 2 probably lowered my GPA by 1.5 points for a few years back in Jr. High. Easily one of the greatest games ever, and, like Dame said, it really has something for everyone. Its dark and brutal too, which I love.The Necro is probably the most fun character, because nothing beats commanding a legion of 30 grinning skeletors. However, the two that I had I could never do much with in Hell as I'd just get clobbered (but then again, I wasn't ever that good). Yeah, looks like I'm re-installing soon. Have you started a new char yet, Dame?

D3 is looking pretty awesome.

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I don't think it's either of those factors, it's just that I've never been into this sort of gameplay in general. That said, the last time I played a game like this was on my Amiga 500+ haha, so maybe it's time to soften my aversion (ewwww).

I'll download it and see what's what. It better be awesome

Holy fuck this is impressive:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1UPMEmCqZo

I agree with the user comments; this is how you make a fuckin' video game into a movie!

More info:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Half-L...pe_from_City-17

that was pro. i have never played half-life however.

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Do you like first person shooters in general? If so, you need to play Half-Life 2. The original Half-Life is a great game but it hasn't aged very well, graphics-wise. There's actually a project to recreate the original game using the sequel's engine which Dylan and I have been following for a few years:

http://www.blackmesasource.com/

Apparently there's a second part to that video coming out in the near future. I would love these guys to make a full length movie.

Not bad at all, especially for a $500 budget! Acting was pretty funny though.

But wait.. is that Asian dude supposed to be Freeman?

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I sort of like playing shooters. I have CoD world at war and that is pretty good, but I remember for the longest time a lot of shooters like Halo have always pissed me the fuck off. I guess it depends on the game, and maybe because shooters in multiplayer tend to suck. I might download it sometime though.

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I got a Starcraft 2 beta key MOTHER FUCKAAAASSSS!

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Yea, but then Freeman's mind jumped out onto the net and Half life 1 was engraved in stone baby.

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I should be getting one of those soon also, since I pre-ordered. If you said this a month ago, I'm sure I would be envious. Now they are getting pretty common

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Yeah, true. I would have shit myself retarded if I got one a few months ago.

You get one if you pre-order? I've heard that that's the case but I figured it was probably BS.

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My brother did when he pre-ordered from amazon. I didn't get one yet so I guess he got lucky, hopefully mine will come later.

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Wow, I am fucking awful at this here SC2. As much as I enjoy the game, I was never very good at it.

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that's why you play 3v3, 4v4,and tower defense maps. getting competitive in sc must be a pain in the ass. In wc3 I was on the ladder for a while but it took me 2 years to get the skills. Luckily there is still a large casual base, you just won't find them in sc2 beta I think.

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I've never been into 2v2,3,4, etc games for some reason. Its too fucking stressful.. Actually, come to think of it, the entire game is very stressful especially if you're really competitive like me and you can't stop sucking.

I enjoy the tower defense and other specialty games, but only here and there.

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I learned this the hard way, don't get competitive over video games, just not worth getting mad over. I just won a game of sc2 1v1. I'm so excited, finally there is someone out there more noob than me haha.

I have to share a key with my brother (1 per household, I was a dumbass to order it to my parents house) but he's not going to be using it too much I think. So far I really like the beta, the unit animations and voices (I've only played terran) are pretty fucking awesome and it still has that old sc feel.

if you are ever playing, bloodypoop is my identifier.

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You sound just like me! It is very stressful and I try so hard but I can never quite master it.

Exactly. However, I've been doing fairly well the last two days.



Ah, so you've been playing! I will add you for sure. Whats your extension? Is it just "bloody.poop" or bloodypoop.something? I will try and add you. I am "Dyldo.com"

EDIT: I tried adding "bloody.poop" but it said it couldn't find you. I think that the person might have to be online if you want to add them by their identifier because I have the same problem with a co-worker. PM me when you want to play and we'll try it then. Either way we can get a game in.

Like I said, I've been doing fairly well just recently, and I'm 6th in my league (Copper)!

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I used to be 33rd in bronze, but now I am in copper also at like 77th or something shitty, I'm gonna blame trying out protoss lol. It's actually bloodypoop.bloodypoop for the identifier, or the just look up the name Richard Benda. Turns out my brother can't even DL the beta at his school so I get it to myself for a good while

edit: I added you

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Holy fuckballs, Portal is available for free until the 24th of May on Steam (that is, if you download it before that date you have a free copy forever).

http://store.steampowered.com/freeportal/

It's being offered for free to coincide with the release of the Mac version of Steam. If you haven't played this before you need to download it NOW.

The cake is a lie!

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Downloaded it. It's easy at first, then it just turns into a big headache lol. I'm going to keep playing though.

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Big headache? You just wait 'till the companion cube.

But yea, it can be a real bitch at times but persevere - this is one of those games that are really worth it. Hell, I haven't really played any computer games for years but I can still get excited about Portal.

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I fucking love Portal. I can't count how many times I've run through it.

Probably 4 times.

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One funny aspect of Portal is the fact that it's so small. I mean, it wasn't until like my fifth run that I caught on. But it's so packed with weird challenges and memorable quotes (or desperate scribbling on the wall) that it sort of grows beyond it's own boundaries.

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Yeah, totally. So much in so little! I can not fucking wait for the sequel. OOOOOHHH SEQUEL!

Did you know Mike Patton did the "voice" for one of those personality-core things that fall of GLaDOS that you have to destroy?

"Your existence is a mathematical error".

So I've been #1 in Copper for like, the past 3 days and it won't advance me. I'm getting angry.

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Yea, just one more of all those little easter eggs.
"Do you think I'm using reverse psychology on you? That's just silly"

To be honest, though, I don't think a sequel should be attempted. It'd just water down the whole thing. It's like The Matrix. If they'd stopped after the first I'd probably be a great fan of it, but as it stands it's just meh.

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If Portal had had the time and production put into it like The Matrix did, that is, as an official stand-alone release, then I might see your point but the truth is that it was made just to be a little addition to The Orange Box and didn't get the development that a real video game gets so I think they definitely need to show what they can accomplish now that its going to be done that way.

Meh, even if it was done like that initially I'd still like a second.

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Am I alone in my severe dislike of GLaDOS and the overall humorous spirit of Portal? I would honestly love this game even more than I do already if I didn't have to listen to that fucking voice, and if the gun turrets didn't sound like they were programmed by someone's kinda-trendy mother. The whole feel of the game's comical content is one of clannish, tongue-in-cheek, in-joke wank. I hate it, I tells ya. HATE IT.

And that fucking song...I listened to it when I first completed the game, but I ALT+F4 every time I've defeated the boss at the end of subsequent plays. And yes, that also means I never get to see the fucking cake, as if I ever gave half a rotten fuck about pastries in my games. All of this shit just puts me in mind of that insufferable, banal "Apple Mac commercial" humour, or the forum-dwelling menopause-having cunts who have avatars of teddy bears frowning and holding a knife behind their back like it shows how "down with the kids" they are. "I'M SO CRAZY LOLL!!!1 LOVELY SAFE, BARELY DARK HUMOUR THAT WE CAN ALL ENJOY!!!!" Cutesy, suburban cunts.

With regards to the game's length, I can now comfortably complete the game within an hour, and that's just from the sheer number of times I've done it - muscle memory more than anything else. I think I've played through the game in its entirety about 25 times, and I've played individual maps and advanced chambers hundreds of times on top of that. That says a lot about how well-designed this game is when you consider how much I hate most of its content haha.

The only thing I've never been any good at is the time, steps and "least number of portal" challenges. I never enjoy gaming under such conditions though, which is probably why I've had zero practise in those areas.

Three more freebies from Midway, a company which apparently went tits-up:

Area 51
The Suffering: Ties That Bind
Rise and Fall: Civilizations at War

Sweet! I wish they'd release the Mortal Kombat series as well.

EDIT: Fuck that, you have to let these games access the internet each time you play them because they're ad supported. No such thing as a free lunch, fuckos! Well, except for Portal.

Dislike GlaDOS? Dislike "Still alive"? Hell no. Though personally I never really thought of the humor as in the dark category; possibly because I know what dark humor is. It's just funny, in a mentally whacked way. I mean, first time around when she tells you to incinerate Companion Cube... that was just sick.

Oh, did you know you can actually find the cake yourself? That is, don't have to wait for the credentials? You can even get outside on your own.

And, just to be a little extra contrite, "Still alive" is great. And, it's great for a remake.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY8iPJwztys

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Yeah, Pads, I gotta disagree with you 100%. The humor and personality of the game is half of it for me.. I fucking love it. The modern, comical twist on the HAL-9000 sci-fi horror technology-gone-wrong kind of thing is just glorious.

However I will agree on the point that the meme-status "inside jokes" that have spawned from the game can get pretty annoying, but that's just internet culture and I can't let that ruin one of my favorite games.

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You both seem to be forgetting the fact that you're a couple of rancid cunts and I'm awesomely awesome and have a huge, swinging, pendulous thinking-gland, ripe to the point of bursting with salty knowledge-paste.

The companion cube incineration is a good example of what I dislike about it; it's supposed to be this warped, "WILSON!!!!!!!" bullshit like in the movie Cast Away, or like making a kid behead her Barbie doll. The first time I played that part of the game I was more interested in figuring out what I had to do rather than giving a shit about the Moral Lite™ implications of burning the cube and listening to the nonsense coming out of GLaDOS' irritating face-hole. If you've ever played the game with the commentary and listened to the shit the actress playing GLaDOS comes out with you'll probably be inclined to reassess your opinion of her character.

I only used the word "dark" when talking about the humour because that's what everyone else says, and that's extremely irritating. I think the humour the soon-to-be-serial-killers on this forum come up with is light years ahead of (or behind, if you're a "glass is half empty" kinda guy) that of Portal if we're measuring its darkness. Again, the darkness of Portal appeals to the idiot cunts we all have to deal with on a daily basis, the one's who make frequent exclamations about their own craziness and how their friends think they're crazy and how if you ever go out for a drink with them you, too, will soon realise just how keraaaazy they are.

The song is very well-written in the sense that it is exactly in key with the tone of the game and its characters, but that's not really much of a compliment considering the things I've written above! It's like saying "being molested by you is uncannily like having cervical cancer! How did you master such synchronicity??"

I'm somewhat conscious of the fact that the content of games like Portal becomes a sort of "received meme" after a brief period, like an unquestioned net-wide circle jerk of sheepish adoration, differing slightly from standard internet memes in that Portal was clearly designed to take on that character, which is an example of cynical marketing sleight-of-hand. And, as we all know, I'm a man who throws himself against the machinery of injustice in all its forms, for I am The Paddy™.

I'm looking forward to Portal 2 more than any other game I'm currently aware of as being in development, but I'm dreading another run of this horseshit, and I'm dreading the replacement catchphrase for "the cake is a lie", and as I understand it a replacement is indeed coming.

I was tempted to post a request on a Portal forum for a mod which either silences GLaDOS or just removes the narration completely, but I always backed out at the last minute because the response would almost certainly be one of flaming torches and angry mobs.

And YOU seem to forget both your own jibe about the half full glasses and the implications of my sig - the only difference between wood and bone is the amount of time spent sharpening the chain!

Haha, you know, I think you're just blowing things up way too far and then fill the space with the putrid vomiting of the gamer community. Just let it stand on its own, no extra commentary, don't give a shit about the forums. I mean, I can hear the giggling of the makers of the game all the way to here when it comes to companion. I never thought of it as a moral statement on their part, just a sick, funny joke. Same thing with that bloody cake, which, by the way, is NOT a lie. Which makes the whole thing just a little bit funnier.

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My first experience of the game WAS on its own merits. I didn't read much about it online, and I certainly didn't participate in forum discussions about it or listen to commentary tracks. In fact, I didn't even known it existed until a couple of days before its release. I disliked the whole zany, off-the-wall shtick from the get go, and it was only compounded later when the meme(s) had taken root. I just can't stomach it, and that's coming from a man with cum-induced ulcers.

In other news I finally got around to playing Samorost 1 and 2 today, made by the same team behind Machinarium. It's nowhere near as good as Machinarium, but worth looking into if you're an adventure fan. The first game is a free in-browser Flash affair:

http://amanita-design.net/samorost-1/

If anyone wants the sequel PM me, it's only 20-odd megabytes.

On a similar note, Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge Special Edition is due out within the next month or two So many memories attached to this game, as well as the first Monkey Island.

GLaDOS is a huge factor in the game and I don't think I'd like it near as much if it wasn't for that personality.

I'm patiently waiting to replay Machinarium again. I just want to make sure I forget most of the puzzles and I want the soundtrack to become fresh again (which will probably not ever happened as I've listened to it millions of times).

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Haha I do that too! But unfortunately with games as good as Machinarium it's extremely difficult to forget. I replayed it the other day and completed it in one sitting, which is a first for me. The one thing which always slows me down is the tic-tac-toe game. Fucking excruciating stuff. In the arcade, the second machine with the puzzle game is probably the second biggest time-sucking escapade for me; I wish the game didn't have so many logic puzzles, I prefer the environmental ones and always get the impression that the logic mini-games are just there to fatten up the game's lifespan.

So Dylan, have you played any hardware-intensive games on your new system yet?

Nah, I haven't run anything to intense yet. Just Starcraft 2 beta which consumes any free gaming time I provide myself. I did want to check how I'd do so I tested my system at that Can You Run It? site and I get full green pass for everything! Joy! The new comp has also been really pulling its weight with the recording stuff which is what I'm most pleased with.

Here are my specs:
- AMD Phenom II 925 Quad-Core Processor (2.8 GHz, 2MB L2 + 3MB Shared L3 Cache, 3600 MHz System Bus)
- 8GB PC3-10600 DDR3 SDRAM memory (4x2048MB for ultimate performance) (expandable to 16GB)
- 1 Terabyte (TB) Serial ATA hard drive, SuperMulti DVD Burner with LightScribe Technology
- Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit
- ATI Radeon HD 4350 graphics card with 512MB dedicated graphics memory, DVI, HDMI and VGA capabilities

Cost me about $650 with tax out-the-door.

I think I'm going to play STALKER next, which I know isn't the most hardware-intensive game but it looks great. I also really want to run through the Half-Lifes again with the highest settings on. Oooh that'll be so sweet. I think I'll do that first.

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Fuck me, that's a respectable system if ever there was one, especially for that price. I reckon I'd have to pay at least double that over here to get the same gear.

The 8GB of RAM will serve you well when you're using VTS instruments and the like, you should get your hands on East West Colossus if you have the bandwidth to download all 32GB of it I was fooling around with that the other day actually and stumbled across the violins you had used in Zastruga! I think Colossus incorporates all of East West's current banks. A little off topic...

STALKER is a good place to start, it'll run maxed out on your system no sweat. It took me a few attempts to get into it, but once you get the feel of it it's fuckin' good times. Crysis would be a good way of testing your system, it's 3 years old and most gamers still can't turn everything up full haha. Crysis 2 is apparently going to look better but require less hardware than the original, which is impressive.

SWEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Thanks mang. It was $100 off because someone had recently returned it, but they had a 15 day guarantee that it'd be fine and it has been so far. I still need to buy a new monitor though.. I'm using an old Dell one that weighs at least 25 pounds.

Yeah, I've heard great things about Colossus and I think you and I talked about it once before. That's pretty rad they included some of the same string samples as Symphonic Orchestra. I doubt it has all of SO's banks though as the Gold Edition, the one I have, is 33GBs on its own so if you're interested in a ridiculous amount of strings and shit, check it out. The Platinum Edition is fucking 194GB (and last time I saw it was at, like, $900).

Yeah, Crysis looks sweet and I'm sure I'll get around to it sometime. I try to limit my gaming so that I remain somewhat productive.

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3v3, 4v4, and custom maps are now enabled for sc2 beta. should be tits.

and marines got buffed ;-)

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Ugh, the keep nerfing Protoss and boosting Terran. Grrrr.

But I'd love to do a 4v4. I bet that's insane!

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it was in sc1, probably the only non-custom games I would play. Does not require much thinking. just massing workers and defense/or an army. then watch shit get blown up.

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im gold in 1v1 and 4v4 they changed it though so gold is probably the new bronze or something.

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Nice! Nah, they just put all the would-be Copper into Bronze so it shouldn't matter. I haven't had time to do the new placement thing yet since the new patch.

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Wait, they're nerfing Protoss? That fucks up the whole game dynamic! The way it works is as follows:

Protoss = Powerful but inefficient
Zerg = Efficient but ineffective
Terran = Nicely balanced but ignorant, and racist

Each side has a trade off. It's literally what balanced gameplay is all about. So I guess we can only hope that the dynamic has shifted, rather than Blizzard simply deciding to fuck over the somewhat less weird-looking aliens in favor of the Confederacy.

Admittedly, it's fun playing as the losing side of the Civil War IN SPACE!

they are just really minor changes, I think the build time for the forge was increased or something. Count on something else changing again really soon, but its going to be years before its perfect. patch 13 was kinda shitty, for about a day there was a 100% chance that you would be dropped out of whatever game you were playing. So you really didn't miss to much Dyldo.

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Portal fans should check out the full-length unofficial prequel:

Portal Prelude
http://www.portalprelude.com/

The puzzles are pretty tricky, but it's one of the most well-designed Portal mods I've played to date.

Hmmm, I just read on the Portal Prelude site that the free version of Portal which was offered this month doesn't support modding. I knew there had to be a catch...

EDIT: Fixed the URL, and I also wanted to point out that Dylan is a cunt.

This patch had small nerfs, yes, but the camel's back is about the break here as Protoss has been getting nothing but nerfs since the first nerf ball was dropped. Gateway nerg, Forge nerf, Sentry double-nerfed, Mothership got too fat and was heavily nerfed, Void Ray nerfed (totally unnecessary), and that's only the nerfing that comes to mind. Most races have gotten a good deal of nerfing, but none as nerf as nerf nerf, nerfing nerf nerf.. nerfnerf nerf nerdilynerf nerf nering nerf nerferous nerfasaurus nerf. Neerff, nerf nerfing nerfly nerf! Nerf.

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How's the story line in this? Is it good or do you just look at it as a map pack? i've been hesitant to download any mods or packs because I'm afraid the game will be a little dry. AND COULD YOU FUCK UP THE URL MORE? Dick.

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Fixted!

To be honest, I didn't really get the impression that there was a storyline. The devs basically chose an arbitrary framework to build a game around (they opted for a pre-Portal feel when it could easily be a post-Portal game). There are two male voices instead of GLaDOS, and they talk a lot but never really say much of interest. Maybe they do but I just wasn't listening haha. I just treat it as a long series of custom maps, and they're pretty taxing the first time you play through them.

Ahhh yes, if anyone has played the Flash version of Portal [here] you'll be delighted to know that the team behind the project has created a map-pack for the real Portal based on the Flash game, and it even includes a fucking awesome baddie at the end. It's fucking awesome:

http://portalmaps.wecreatestuff.com/

I noticed quite a hefty update was installed for Portal, Half-Life 2 and Half-Life 2: Episode Two today. I'm hoping this has something to do with an upcoming announcement of Half-Life 3 (or Episode Three, not sure which) at this year's E3. A couple of months ago Portal received an update which included a slightly modified ending and achievements involving the transportation of radios throughout the game, and this was soon followed by an announcement of Portal 2. Valve have said that along with Portal 2 there's going to be an extra surprise at E3, so this could be it.

Intewesting. Vewy, vewy intewesting.

http://i41.tinypic.com/m9bv61.png

level 15 on the flash is pissing me the fuck off! I know what I need to do but I can't execute it well...

edit: nevermind I got that shit

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Cool game, no doubt.
The idea is pretty unique

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http://kotaku.com/5552813/surprise-...l-2-party-at-e3 (fuckin' great, more GLaDOS humour...)

Seems likely we'll be hearing something about Half-Life 3 or Half-Life 2: Episode Three at this year's E3.

Man, that's a lotta threes.

YOU'RE SUCH A POOPER! I wish I could convince you that GLaDOS is awesome and that you should love her and the concept, but I think you're too far gone..

God dammit I hope to hell that its a HL3 announcement, and I nope its a definite announcement, not just a "sometime next yearish pending pushed back beta testing and unforeseen circumstances!". I don't really know much about their track record - are they notorious for doing this or are they usually pretty on schedule?

HL3 HL3 HL3 HL3 HL3 HL#!!!#!OUIHO:QWDHN

This game better be massive. It better be fucking incredible. This is the last we will ever have of the Half-life 2 universe so it better go out with a bang and I want that bang to be me tugging Alyx across the room by the clit with the Gravity Gun.

I really loved Episode 2, especially large open spaces that provided a more "free" feel. I stopped a lot in my replaying just to sit and admire the virtual nature, specifically when Dog moves that road block.

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There are cancer patients wasting away in Hospices who aren't as far gone as I am.

As far as I know, Portal 2 was due to be Valve's main attraction but they've instead demoted it to a booth somewhere on the floor, and they're saving the stage for the "surprise". If it's more important than Portal 2 it's GOTTA be HL:3 or the like.

I may have dreamt this, but I seem to recall coming across (ha) a mod which replaced Alyx with a nude version of her model. Crowbarring that bitch's cunt would provide me with several hours of entertainment. Oh yeah, I hate Alyx too. I'd love the Half-Life universe ten times more than I already do if there were no discernible personalities afforded to any of the characters. For instance, I love the Metro Police, they're the dog's bollocks. More of dem, please.

Episode Two's freedom was great, and I'd love to have even more in Episode Three. The great thing about HL is that even with the linearity of the HL games you generally don't feel closed-in and forced along a specific route, even though you are. The mark of a very well-designed game!

You don't like any of the personalities in the game? Or the character's roles? Its weird, Pads. You seem to hate some pretty big aspects of some games that would lead one to believe that you wouldn't like it at all, but you still manage to regardless of their major presence.

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I hate the sickly "good guys" vibe of most of the main characters, and when they're talking I generally just busy myself by breaking bottles or windows or chucking boxes at them. I think I'm just a hateful cunt, to be honest.

Oh yeah, people are currently slitting their wrists because Portal 2 has allegedly been pushed back to 2011. It's bollocks, though:

http://www.halflife2.net/2010/06/09...-portal-themed/

APERTURE SCIENCE DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST, YA DIZZY FUCKNUTS!

Valve are really the most spiteful, sadistic cunts in the game development business. I'm starting to rethink my dislike of GLaDOS

Yeah, hateful.. that's what it is. Right after I typed that, I thought to myself "Oh wait.. he just hates people, that's all. The perfect game for him is one absent of them". I agree though, the characters are mostly the quintessential good-guy-must-prevail-against-evil type but, whatever, where else can you shoot saws through four zombies, decapitating all?

Sucks about Portal 2, but I'd rather have that delayed to get HL3 faster. And if they're not fucking doing it for that reason then they're fucking retarded and are cruel people.

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A game featuring a gang of mutes fighting mute enemies would be sweet.

I think HL2 is one of the best games ever made, don't get me wrongy McWrong. I just...I dunno...have a huge cock? Yeah, that'll do.

I don't think it IS delayed, though. The fact that they announced it alongside a fictional organisation makes me think it's just another bullshit publicity stunt. Which is why Valve are sadistic tossers.

For anyone that is in beta (which is now done) or even isn't, it is now possible to play offline against AI: http://www.sc2win.com/news/play-sta...ine-against-ai/

Make sure to get the AI difficulty upgrades as Easy is ridiculously simple.

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E3 starts today motherfuckers! You can watch the live stream on G4TV when it starts at 3pm ET:

http://e3.g4tv.com/e32010/

I don't know when Valve are making their appearance, though.

I'm counting on you, Padma, to update me as soon as anything is announced.

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Actually, ignore that G4TV link, you can watch the live stream much easier here:

http://www.gametrailers.com/e3/

Don't worry D. Dawg, I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for Valve-related whatnots!

Here's the "surprise":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8eRjw-xogQ

Fucking Christ what a load of fucking cunting shit. How the fucking cunt does this warrant such mothercocking hype? FUCK me this is the most anti-climactic thing I've ever experienced.

Fucking wankers.

Looks like Portal 2 really is delayed, then. I think I might just kill myself this weekend.

That can't be the surprise. There's no way they would hype everything up just to announce its going to be on PS3.

How many more days is E3 going on? They have to at least say or show something about HL!

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It's on until the 17th. We might still see some gameplay footage of Portal 2, assuming that Valve's booth isn't just there for the fuck of it, but I'm not expecting anything else by way of a "surprise".

I think the reason the PS3 support was such a big deal is because Gabe Newell, the owner of Valve, has repeatedly made statements about how shit it is for game developers. He did a U-turn and I think this is why Portal 2 has been delayed until 2011 - the PS3 port will probably add another 6 months of development to the process, and the rest of us have to wait until it's ready. What a cocksuck.

Consoles really are the bane of my existence.

EDIT: Some gameplay footage:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQLpU0T-Sow

Not sure what to think.

EDIT #2: Even more gameplay footage:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5THiN8szSKM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bq2mZoKkqMw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGlyQmmvj0w

I just bought Mirror's Edge for £3.24 on Steam today, EA have a sale on. Mirror's Edge is a strange little game, and one which seems to have polarised gamers. I thought it was a fresh, interesting and engaging game which made great use of its core game mechanics (that is, the "parkour" style running, jumping and climbing). And the fact that it's done in first person perspective makes it all the more impressive. I think if you're into Portal there's a fair chance you'll enjoy this, and I'm not entirely sure why I feel that way haha.

My God I loved that game.

And how aesthetically pleasing was that universe!? If I had to hand over some of my privacy and democracy to live in a town that gorgeous, where the fffffuck do I sign?

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After buying it the other day I had it completed in three sittings, I was that into it. I enjoyed it much more this time around than I did the first time I played it back in 2008. It's just so much fun, and the puzzle element makes it even funner. I'm surprised that the shooting is as well-designed as it is, given that you rarely do much of it. And I gotta agree with you, the game's world and graphics style is fuckin' splendid.

The ending was a bit of an anti-climax, though. I don't mean in terms of the storyline, I mean the fact that the entire final fight consists if you jumping onto a helicopter, something you already did in the first level of the game haha.

Apparently the game is to be part of a planned trilogy, although no official word on the next instalment has been given.

Just played the demo of Sniper: Ghost Warrior. What a bucket of rancid cunting phlegm. Graphically it's a poor man's Crysis, and gameplay-wise it's a rip-off of stabbing yourself in the thigh with vinegar-soaked needles. The first level of the demo is a stealth mission, wherein you must sneak past chickens and soldiers without alerting them. If they see you - even if you kill them all like a ninja soldier from the planet Whoopass - the mission fails and you have to start again. These kinds of missions are pretty much standard in games like these, but to have it as the first mission of the demo is retardededs. I mean, I wanna shoot people in the face, I wanna experience the sniperness, but you can't fire a single round. EVEN if you kill someone with a silenced pistol without anyone else seeing it or hearing it, they come after you and you fail the mission. CUNT OFF.

What a cunting bastard of a wanking game. DIE OF CANCER!

Was lookin' forward to this one, too.

I imagine making a pure sniper game is pretty hard as 98% of a sniper's activities consists of waiting.

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I think that would make for a cool game, only with an altered percentage of waiting. About 80%.

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Just stumbled across an awesome website which lets you play ZX Spectrum games in your browser:

http://www.zxspectrum.net/

I'm currently counting down the hours until I can play Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge Special Edition on Steam. If you buy it within the next 4 hours you get the first Monkey Island Special Edition free, and if you already have it you can gift it to a friend. Unfortunately for you cunts I already gifted mine to my brother. I also bought the complete Tales of Monkey Island episodic pack last week when it was on sale; I'll be turning into a monkey if I'm not careful! LOLLOL!!!!

I've been playing the Broken Sword series using ScummVM this week. I'm about half way through the second game. Still awesome after all these years! I'd take another 2D Broken Sword sequel over any other game currently in production, easy. Pity the devs stated making them 3D from the third game onwards, I fucking hate 3D adventure games. The controls are needlessly difficult and the graphics are far less appealing. 2D all the way.

You guys should find the game where all you do is assassinate Kennedy from the book depository in Dallas. The goal is to manage to do it as Oswald must have if it was him alone. About as pure a sniper game as possible.

Also, I am not making this game up.

JFK Reloaded! A surprisingly fun game. The devs were planning to make a grassy knoll position, to add some balance to the debate, but they abandoned the project before doing so. That would have been hilarious.

I think I have the game somewhere in my CD collection if anyone wants it, it's free now anyway as far as I know. Actually, here it is:

http://www.cool.com.au/files/apps/jfkreloaded.zip [22 MB]

Don't bother trying to recreate the actual Warren Commission series of events, because it's incredibly difficult and gets a little boring - instead, take out the drivers of the cars, then have fun picking off the remaining victims. There's an action replay option after the shooting ends which includes a bullet cam - this is just fuckin' awesome.

I'd love a Charles Whitman game along the same lines as this.

I just found a trainer which lets you fire from the grassy knoll as well as a couple of other little hacks.

Click! [219 KB]

I stumbled across a free program which may be of interest to my fellow PC gamers. It's called Game Booster, and the basic idea behind it is to temporarily disable unnecessary background processes, free up your RAM and defrag your game directories if required, thus allowing you to have an unimpeded gaming experience.

http://www.iobit.com/gamebooster.html

Handy!

Good find! Thanks Bloody Maxi Pads.

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Now there's a job I'd like.

Is anyone playing Dragon Age or Champions of Norrath? I'm playing it on PS3 and PS2 respectively but I believe it's on PC as well.

Oh, shit! Paddy! They released a screenshot of the new Gordan Freeman look! http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/...lifecarlton.jpg

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Your mum

That`s what I`m talkin about!

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My lil' bro played Dragon Age, said it was awesome. It's not really my kind of game though.

Speaking of the PS2, I've been trying to get a PS2 emulator working on my PC but it's not friggin' working right. The only game I've tried so far is Fight Night Round 3 - it runs in slow motion. Has anyone had any luck with a PS2 emulator? I understand you need some hefty hardware to run it, but I'm sure my system is more than enough.

I have a PS1 emulator and a shit-load of games downloaded, and it runs great. ePSXe is the one to go for if you're interested. If anyone needs PS1/PS2 BIOS files (which are required to run the emulators) PM me.

Haha! I wonder if Will Smith has got his Scientology hooks into Carlton yet.

I just started replaying Crysis the other day, still looks better than most other games 3 years later. Crysis 2 is gonna be fuckin' splendid. One of the few games I'll actually buy as soon as it's released.

starcraft 2's single player campaign mode is a lot better than I expected. its actually pretty awesome

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My gaming days are over for the foreseeable future; my GeForce 8800GTX just shat itself. I'm using an old Radeon 9200 now, which is such an old card that there aren't even any drivers for it for Vista/Windows 7. I've had the GeForce for about 2 ½ years, so I'm hoping it's still under warranty. If not, I just lost a £331 piece of hardware. I haven't decided if I'll cry now or when I have to buy a new card.

Bastarding cunty fucks.

Is it, DQ? It looked pretty cool. I haven't bought the game yet, which amazes me, because 6 months ago I would have stepped on my dying grandma's throat to get it.

Paddy: You can always sell that RAM I sent over. Or you could sell your ginger face as a bull's eye for The Little Potato's Archery Club.

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I plan to, but the money will be going elsewhere unfortunately. My not being able to play games barely shows up on the radar of financial sadtimes. And just when Mafia II, Kane & Lynch 2 and Crysis 2 are on the verge of being released...there's no fucking justice; it's the Birmingham Six all over again.

I actually considered offering myself up for medical experimentation (testing new drugs, mainly), but I wasn't able to do so because I'm already on long-term medication. How fucking pathetic is that? I can't even get a job as a guinea pig in Josef Mengele's House of Pain!

On the plus side it also means I never have to donate blood. FUCK YOU, HAEMOPHILIACS!

Consider it a blessing. Now you'll actually have to live out your favorite video games. Start with GTA and go stomp on a hooker's corpse while spraying a cop car.


I've actually got several friends that do that. One is in some 2 week study as I type this testing out some kind of pill to help stop excessive urination. Another one of the guys has had like, 2 spinal taps. Yeah, they make a good amount of cash off of these but I'd like to keep my sanity instead of having some anti-psychotic drugs melt my brain and live the rest of my life believing I'm a piece of shredded cheese. I don't hate being poor that much.

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Solitaire would be more like it.

I wonder if you can apply for medical students to practice certain procedures on you, without the use of drugs. Like, spinal taps, scoping, stitching, etc. I'd be up for that shit, easy. The drugs angle is a lot riskier in my super-duper-informed opinion.

Being poor never bothers me until it comes time to buy gifts for birthdays/Christmas, or when something in the house needs replaced, or when someone in my family can't pay a bill, and then it starts getting depressing. In other words, I'm quite content to have no cash because I generally don't need it personally. A few packs of guitar strings every couple of months does the job!

Hopefully the cunts will repair my GTX for me, I emailed them about it yesterday, still waiting for word back. Apparently nVidia acknowledged in 2008 that their 8 series cards were all severely flawed (and I think said flaw is what caused my particular card to fuck the bucket) so hopefully their promise of an extended warranty will apply to me.

I played the Kane & Lynch 2 demo on Steam the other day, but I didn't really give it a chance. The difficulty level is pretty unforgiving and I couldn't be arsed putting any effort into it, but it looks like it'll be a damn sight better than the original. Did you ever play the first one, Dylsons?

You should just set up shop outside of a abortion clinic and offer competitive prices. It can't be that hard to hook a baby, can it? I imagine they might fight a bit, I've actually heard the fat ones can fight like a Marlin, but that's part of the fun. As a strategy to attract more customers, and really just to keep your patients feeling safe and comfortable, you should also force deep eye-contact (without blinking) with them throughout the entire procedure. They won't know if the warm and fuzzy feeling inside of them is your gentle touch or their tapioca fetal-sewage gushing out of them!

I don't mind not having money until I realize that I don't have money, because then I don't have money.

I have never heard of this Kane & Lynch series. Do you get to cane elderly people and lynch people of questionable ethnicity?!

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