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2008-03-14, 16:49
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New Blood
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Within the realm of my own insanity
Posts: 5
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The Black Magus
Some song lyrics i wrote a while ago. crit's?
The Black Magus
Gaze at the pages, speak the incantation,
The bones of the dead rise to life.
Unholy black fire consuming the pyres,
With newly spent lives grows his might
(Chorus)
His darksouled enchantments, the blackest of magics,
The souls of the dead heed his call.
In robes black as night, banishing the light,
Enthroned in the darkness he reigns
(End chorus)
Legions of death march at his back
Bloodlust aflame in their eyes
Eternal his evil, contempt for all life
His spirit, blacker than night
(Chorus)
His darksouled enchantments, the blackest of magics,
The souls of the dead heed his call.
In robes black as night, banishing the light,
He reigns over humanity’s fall
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2008-03-14, 17:11
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Really focused on black, but worded so it didn't seem overdone. Loved the meter especially in the first 2 lines of the chorus. I could almost hear music with this one. Nice job.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
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Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2008-03-16, 16:00
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wigger/redneck/drunkard
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: austin tx
Posts: 2,234
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by DarknessEnthroned
In robes black as night, banishing the light
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maybe take out the word 'the' but other than that, good job. |
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2008-03-24, 01:06
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New Blood
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Within the realm of my own insanity
Posts: 5
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by moe_blunts
maybe take out the word 'the' but other than that, good job.
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ya, i think i might change some of the wording. |
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2008-08-20, 21:24
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New Blood
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Sheol
Posts: 17
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Great, man!!!!!
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2008-08-20, 21:34
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Metalhead
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Vienna
Posts: 92
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hmm, i'm actually not sure what to think about it. i definately prefere lyrics with more meaning / a message. anyhow, the words you chose and the meters are finde, so it's alright and probably realy good for people who like this kind of lyrics  |
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