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2002-11-12, 05:21
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 158
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Alright, tell me what you think. Maybe you can help me with a title
Broken dreams as a child
Now lay in stone cast by the moon
In the cold chill of the night
I look in the moon and see
Cold reflections of a life before me
I close my eyes and dream
Of the days wher I have dwelt
In the twilight of death
The cold burning my face
As the wind howls like wolves
On a cold and darkened night
I see broken glass reflections
Shards of what used to be
I rise ip in the darkness of night
And ask: "What has become of me?"
It was a lonley and painfull journey
During which time I took no wife
For I fear for my life
But I fear for my spirit more
I wandered in the wastes of a land forgotten
That now exists in the memories of man
On my journeys I learned the Ancient ways
Now I hold them close to my heart
And in the end they'll tear me apart
But now I am old
And the gods don't hear my cries
Whom did I offend?
Whom did I neglect?
My life has reached the end
The cold breath of death hangs in the air
Like a lantern out of fuel
I exit now and turn off the lights
__________________
Procrasination and masturbation are one in the same--in the end, you're just fucking yourself.
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2002-11-12, 05:23
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not bad at all  |
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2002-11-12, 13:42
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
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i agree, its quite good
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2002-11-12, 20:24
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I am a tax on the world..
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: pizza with a shit on it!
Posts: 7,994
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its okay, i like the way you ended it...
and for a title........
i can think only of ,
man on a mission,
piece of mind,
in the light of night
__________________
Man, I get real sweaty after I wack my dong. Yeah, cause I headbang while I do, and I can't really "Jump" (haha ) like VanHalen in a dorm room, so I just walk back and forth....haha a couple days ago I was jumping up and down on my bed, with my pants down and my roommate came in when I wasn't looking, hahaha.
This is my band's page
http://www.myspace.com/ferocitydentontx
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2002-11-12, 22:44
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
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or "voyage through the times of mine" or "candle"
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2002-11-25, 02:28
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 168
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i agree with the rest of them it is pretty good as for a title all i can think of is,
"Journey to the Grave"
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2002-12-15, 07:22
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i liked "glow among the shards of the moon"
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2002-12-17, 08:33
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New Blood
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Finland
Posts: 36
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I liked it too. Sounds bit like E.A. Poe´s poems.
__________________
Lle n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina
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2002-12-17, 09:46
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Master Killer
Alumni Staff
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posts: 11,372
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It's nice but it's more like a poem then lyrics, somehow.
though, I like it, good work man, keep it up.
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2002-12-18, 00:29
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 655
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Yeah I agree it is more like a poem, but it sounds good man. I like the ending too. I wouldnt really know a name, maybe somehtig like "to my grave the moon will follow" I dont know, lol . eternal sorrows name was pretty good the "Journey to the grave"
Keep up the good work man. Hail!!!
__________________
walk through nature's dwelling
hide from obscure trees listening
winter brings gloom, brings remnants of our shadows
twilight casts spells on those who espouse their fate
ice pricks necks like knives, leaving shards of cadaverous skin
tears spout from eyes, shunned from mankind's den
(Prayer For Cleansing/ "A Dead Soal Born")
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