|
2002-11-04, 22:41
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
Joacim Cans Assaulted!
here is the sad info...........
"In what is shocking news, it's been revealed that Hammerfall vocalist Joacim Cans was attacked in a bar, resulting in a serious injury to his eye, and a need for 25 stitches to the affected area.
Joacim was at a bar known as the 'Rockbaren' in Gothenburg. He was approached by a fellow 'youthful' Swede wearing a 'Black Metal' shirt, who verbally attacked him for...And get this...BEING IN HAMMERFALL! (I mean how deranged is that?). Initially Joacim ignored the assailent - even when he was spat on!!! It seemed he had shrugged off the attack, and was chilling out, until...
A few minutes later, he saw the attacker's girlfriend trying to choke his girlfriend - so broke them apart. The next thing he knew, he woke up covered in his own blood, realising he'd been 'glassed' and punched in the face too...hence the gruesome injury to his face.
The cowardly attacker ran off immediately, but Police have a good description - and expect an arrest soon. Joacim's injuries have meant Hammerfall having to postphone filming their new video (originally to have been filmed on 14/08/02), it will now be filmed towards the end of August.
Amazingly, this attack by a Metal fan on a Metal Star was not entirely unexpected. In Sweden, there are extreme Metal fans who belong to the 'Anti Hammerfall League', whose motto is "Death To Lullaby Metal", and who genuinely hate, loathe and despise the band. Don't be too surprised if the assailent (when he's caught) is a member of this sad little 'coven'."
I saw a pic of Joacim, he was really torn up........
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-04, 22:48
|
 |
Senior Metalhead
Alumni Staff
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 376
|
|
|
I know ,it happened a while ago.
__________________
As we place this wretched waste of a man into his final rotting place.
We pray for his soul to be stripped and tormented
of all that is proper, to burn his sins,
In the witness of the Father, the Son and the Holy
Ghost, his soul will fall below the valley of death.
Left to rot forever, to never be free, never return.
|
|
2002-11-05, 00:04
|
 |
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
|
|
|
that sucks, hammerfall is great
|
|
2002-11-05, 00:50
|
 |
You gamma-minus fucktards
Forum Leader
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Sydney.
Posts: 4,674
|
|
|
Fucking BM wankers. They can't take a joke. Or anything, for that matter.
__________________
far_beyond_sane - contributing to the moral decay of your children since 1982
"It was some kind of evolutionary glitch, she figured; no different than the other unreasonable side effects of consciousness and emotion, like religion and rap music."
|
|
2002-11-05, 01:56
|
 |
BUY OUR FIRST RELEASE $5
Alumni Staff
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Tejas
Posts: 2,534
|
|
|
shut the fuck up weijia.
Gentlemen, this is yet another reason why we should "fear black metal". If you're not careful they'll break a bottle over your head, pummel you while you're passed out and then run away.
|
|
2002-11-05, 20:31
|
 |
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,982
|
|
|
Hey, it takes a real tough guy to kick the shit out of a knocked out power metal singer.
|
|
2002-11-05, 22:17
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
is it pronounced Jo - Ah - Sim - Khans?
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-06, 01:50
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
damn black metallers, someone from ... And Oceans better get their asses kicked for this.
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-06, 18:10
|
|
Senior Metalhead
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Atlanta Georgia a.k.a asshole of the universe
Posts: 262
|
|
|
That one dumbass kid does not represent all of the other black metal fans. People and bands are attacked all the time on this forum. It's not a physical attack but an attack none the less. I agree this guy should be ass raped by an angry hippo. I think it was weijia. Your in trouble boy!
__________________
Blizzard Beast
Suck a turd to a point and stab yourself with it..
 |
|
2002-11-07, 00:10
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
I'm Sorry........
this is irresistable because they are a power metal band that sings about D&D stuff......... I know its lame and stupid, but I cant help it...... here we go:
1. the dragon is ok, however, it looks like "The Joacim Lies Bleeding"
2. that kid was "Heeding the Call" to kick Joacim's ass.
3. He is "Stronger Than All" except for when he opposes crazy kids with beer bottles
4. Joacim- "The Fallen One"
5. "Let the Joacim Fall"
6. Joacim went to "Dreamland"
and finally............
7. "At the End of the Rainbow" is a few scars and a hospital bill.
i can do this for hours...................
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-07, 02:24
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Blizzard Beast
That one dumbass kid does not represent all of the other black metal fans. People and bands are attacked all the time on this forum. It's not a physical attack but an attack none the less. I agree this guy should be ass raped by an angry hippo. I think it was weijia. Your in trouble boy!
|
you nazi! |
|
2002-11-07, 03:02
|
|
Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,982
|
|
|
Let's be careful where we throw around the word Nazi. Some goddamn Jew might get offended. So, kindly shut the fuck up, weijia.
Penis, keep it up, although I dont know the songs, that's still funny.
|
|
2002-11-07, 12:53
|
|
|
|
hey! im a goddamn jew!
|
|
2002-11-07, 13:40
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by PST 88
Let's be careful where we throw around the word Nazi. Some goddamn Jew might get offended. So, kindly shut the fuck up, weijia.
Penis, keep it up, although I dont know the songs, that's still funny.
|
ok, then lets change it to "you non-religious, but not aethiest person!" |
|
2002-11-07, 20:33
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by PST 88
Penis, keep it up, although I dont know the songs, that's still funny.
|
well, i only have one HammerFall album, but it should provide sufficient material
Here we go!
8. "Steel Meets Steel"? more like bottle meets face....
9. "Stone Cold"=Joacim
10. I guess "The Way of the Warrior" is to get their asses handed to them by little punks
11. "Always Will Be" scarred
12. Joacim couldn't "Raise the Hammer" in time cuz the kid raised the bottle too quickly.
13. "Living in Victory"? yeah right, I'd say he just lived a night at the hospital
14. It is sad how a "Templar of Steel" can lose to a kid with a bottle.
As soon as Byron from Bal Sagoth gets his ass kicked, I'll have so many of these.....
More to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-07, 21:00
|
|
Drunken Yeti God
Alumni Staff
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: BangHer, Washington
Posts: 2,819
|
|
10. I guess "The Way of the Warrior" is to get their asses handed to them by little punks
14. It is sad how a "Templar of Steel" can lose to a kid with a bottle.
Hahah, those two were great 
This is sweet, people I've never heard of should get assaulted more often! (for those of you who like Hammerfall or who are going to bitch, I'm just kidding, so piss off  )
__________________
Fuck Brad and everyone who looks like Brad. From the looks of this picture, I think he's jerking off too much. Keep him away from LouAnne.
I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2's.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by BassBehemoth
You really have no dignity. I would rather have sex with my fifty year old father.
|
|
|
2002-11-07, 21:16
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
i thought everyone would think these were gay, but it seems they are quite popular........
HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!! these are some of my best!
15. I guess the word "Power", in Power Metal dioesn't stand for physical power.
16. Joacim should have been wearing his plate mail armor WITH the helmet
17. Joacim lost cuz he was only carrying his Dragon Slayer Sword instead of his Little Punk Black Metal Fan Slayer Sword.
18. Joacim couldn't get any help from his fellow band mates because they were busy masterbating to a movie......... not a porno movie, no, it was "Lord of the Rings"
19. Oscar (HF guitarist), would have helped Joacim, but he was trying to hit on some women by telling them about his Level 35 Paladin
I should go to the HammerFall forum and post these!
WEEEEEEEEEEEEE RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE THE WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-08, 01:35
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
oh man..................
NUMBER 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
time for a low blow............................
20. Joacim lost the fight because Jesper Stromblad wasn't there to help him, Joacim probably expected Jesper to automatically help him because Jesper helps HammerFall write so many of their songs.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
im definatly gonna post these on HammerFall.net
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-08, 01:52
|
|
Drunken Yeti God
Alumni Staff
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: BangHer, Washington
Posts: 2,819
|
|
__________________
Fuck Brad and everyone who looks like Brad. From the looks of this picture, I think he's jerking off too much. Keep him away from LouAnne.
I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2's.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by BassBehemoth
You really have no dignity. I would rather have sex with my fifty year old father.
|
|
|
2002-11-08, 02:00
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
oh my god, the guy, who is the drummer i believe, has one long pecker. and Joacim is really working that guy's shaft.
WALPURGIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you, i ran out of ideas, but now that pic has given birth to new phrases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. the drummer was having Joacim "Heed the Call" in his pants.
2. "PeckerFall"
3. Power metal clearly stands for Joacim's cock working power.
4. Joacim is and the drummer are going "Back to Back'.................. in bed
5. "The Dragon Lies Bleeding" ............ probably from the butt if Joacim just got to him.....
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-08, 02:00
|
|
BUY OUR FIRST RELEASE $5
Alumni Staff
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Tejas
Posts: 2,534
|
|
|
nope, cock strokin rules.
|
|
2002-11-08, 02:02
|
|
Drunken Yeti God
Alumni Staff
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: BangHer, Washington
Posts: 2,819
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Gigantic Penis
WALPURGIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you, i ran out of ideas, but now that pic has given birth to new phrases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
Glad I could be of assistance, you fucking wacko
__________________
Fuck Brad and everyone who looks like Brad. From the looks of this picture, I think he's jerking off too much. Keep him away from LouAnne.
I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2's.
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by BassBehemoth
You really have no dignity. I would rather have sex with my fifty year old father.
|
|
|
2002-11-08, 02:04
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
the HF forum aint up yet, once it is, all 20+ phrases are going in........ im gonna get a lot of nastly emails i bet.........
PeckerFall
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-08, 02:08
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by walpurgis
Glad I could be of assistance, you fucking wacko
|
the whole thing is just too funny.....
You have a man who sings like he just got kicked in the sack, who sings about slaying dragons, killing wizards, fighting for king's glory etc., who wears armor, and who got whipped by a little punk.
its just too funny, i cant stop.............. its addicting.
I could just see Joacim getting into a fight and getting kicked in the balls and just saying: " Ha ha, that has no effect, I had those removed years ago!"
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-08, 02:41
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
|
|
|
hahahahha, pecker fall!!!!!!!!!!!
hows about this one:
Joacim "let the hammer fall" on his nuts a long time ago
|
|
2002-11-09, 05:31
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
i wonder how much it costs the band to have their weapons and armor made........
PeckerFall
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-10, 02:41
|
|
Forum Leader
Forum Leader
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: .
Posts: 2,934
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Gigantic Penis
oh my god, the guy, who is the drummer i believe, has one long pecker. and Joacim is really working that guy's shaft.
|
is it just me, or did anybody else find that pic and quote to be really funny |
|
2002-11-10, 16:04
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Gigantic Penis
1. the drummer was having Joacim "Heed the Call" in his pants.
|
this was one of my best ones I think...................
DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN IS THE HF FORUM GONNA BE UP??????????
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-10, 21:11
|
|
Senior Metalhead
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Ireland
Posts: 103
|
|
|
dude act yer age for fuck sake. posting this here is funny in a dumb way, but posting it on the hammerfall site just to annoy ppl, thats called being a wanker.
Are you some 15 year old with no life whatsoever or have you a cell or 2 in your brain that actually works?
Grow up.
|
|
2002-11-10, 21:16
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
|
|
|
actually, i'd think it'd be funy as hell to see how people react to those posts
|
|
2002-11-10, 23:24
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Gigantic Penis
the whole thing is just too funny.....
You have a man who sings like he just got kicked in the sack, who sings about slaying dragons, killing wizards, fighting for king's glory etc., who wears armor, and who got whipped by a little punk.
|
Beker Rules, read this post. this is the reason im gonna post it on the HF forum. its a once in a life time opportunity.
if a member of almost any other band had this happen to them, it wouldnt be as funny. the fact that it is HF is what makes it so funny...........
also, i hate to retort because i dont wanna start a flame war, but isnt it stupid and "wanker like" just to make posts insulting other forum goers if it doesnt interest you? if you think it is stupid, then dont post. it is that simple.......
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-11, 03:55
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2002-11-11, 03:58
|
|
|
|
hahahahahahaha !
|
|
2003-05-24, 23:47
|
|
Forum Leader
Forum Leader
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: .
Posts: 2,934
|
|
|
so did you get any nasty emails?
|
|
2003-05-25, 01:50
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
|
NONE!
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
|
2003-05-25, 02:03
|
|
Post-whore
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Look out behind you! That monkey has a knife!
Posts: 1,405
|
|
There is still no forum to do anything, so I just had to sign ther guestbook again........
Your message was posted
Name: GP
Country: U.S.A.
Website Url: www.spank.ass
Message: Joscim's voice is way too high. On the song
"Heeding the Call" it almost sounds like he is
trying to be funny. He must have no balls
whatsoever (aside from the balls that are slapping
agaist his ass as the rest of the band ass-fucks
him). Joacim got his ass kicked at a bar. Where
was his wizard magic and Dragon Swords then? Even
though they are in a band, I am sure that they get
no girls.
Is Oscar Dronjak anorexic or is he
just that skinny from living on a diet consisting
mostly of sperm?
Stratovarius is way better
then PeckerFall... I mean HammerFall.
__________________
"Hey! They're working! My feet are soaking wet, but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's comin' up Milhouse!"
"I guess it all works out in the end"
"Yeah, the REAR end."
-Beavis and Butt-head
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
