private operation is ongoing
ravaging through innarads of a
soon to be in pieces victim, patient, twisting
thinking of the pitiful attempt at reconnecting
when the treatment is completed
i will now observe

waking up from anesthetic slumber
rusted operating table, feeling no pain
eyes will soon bare witness
fruits of surgical precision
skin is absent from the neck down

disbelief, inability to accept
subject tries to leave its metal bed
first step taken, guts dive to the floor
on the second the liver will fall

panicking now, scrambling for lost organs
stuffing kidneys into the wrong cavities
bladder is missplaced for heart
victim has just teared itself apart
bloodloss is traumatic, vision blurry
slipping on the small intestine, plundering to death

stomach, spleen and lungs now lay beside her
insides are outside of this cadaver
staring and admiring the mess
operation is dubbed a success

i hated it. it was gory.
i don't like gore lyrics anyways so this post is useless

I thought it was kind of intriguing, but I would have liked it to have been sexless to leave that to the reader.

"soon to be in pieces victim, patient, twisting" seems a bit wordy and it almost made me stop reading. "soon mutilated victim, patient, twisting" sounds smoother to me.

"victim has just teared itself apart" I think that would read smoother as "victim has just torn itself apart."

I'm not a big fan of gore, but this reminded me of some of those abandoned institutions with remnants of past proceedures that might not have been on the safer side. At least there was no sacrificial virgins, uteruses, or boobs being sewn on upsidedown. Thank you for that!

Are you putting this to music?

__________________

Thanks for your comment.

I originally intended it to be sexless, but i needed the 'her' for that rhyme at the end.
Maybe i'll change it if i ever decide to actually record this piece.

As to the wordy part, i had a fast word spitting singing style in my head
while writing this... Similar to George Fisher's vocals. It made sense somehow.

And thanks for the little smoothing tip. It will be applied.