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2007-08-09, 22:10
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Senior Metalhead
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sweden , Gothenburg
Posts: 256
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something,
None of you
Shall ever set my path
I have my own belief
I am my own god
Enough of you
I shall never bow before you
I am eternal
And so I’ve always been
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2007-08-09, 23:16
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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None of boredom
Shall ever bore my boring
I have my own boring belief
I am my own boredom
Enough of boredom
I shall never bore boring bore
I am eternal
boring boring boring boring
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2007-08-10, 00:20
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Oh, now that was real constructive.
I think you could expand it from the point of view of the "god" you're writing about and that would decrease the "boring" idea. It doesn't have a grabber, but it's not a bad introduction or as a segment of a song. Play around with it and see how you can develop the character, but do it uniquely.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2007-08-10, 06:28
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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i think ive read nine hundred and ninety nine million billion strillion anti religion songs in my lifetime. the concept sucks, this lyric sucks.
even for an anti religion lyric, its poorly written in itself.
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2007-08-11, 23:18
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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Infinity, you speak as if every reason for being anti-religious has been spoken, and every means of expressing anti-religion has been used. Mind you, it's not something I tend to write about. Never directly anyway. I personally think religion is a decent guide for a young race, I don't believe we can be completely free of anything just anytime, we have to earn it, but while we are turning to individual thinking, heads are gonna roll, and people who are just all blind hate are going down with what they hate. Maybe there could have been another way for our race to evolve it's thoughts, but who knows?
And some seem to think religion = theism. Silly people...
On the topic of the lyrics themselves, they are a bit bland. I'm sure the Swediah Aeon have a song with a verse close to this. Worth working on though. It seems like only the start of something, or maybe it is a complete prose.  |
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