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2007-05-24, 14:51
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Random
I sorta just wanted to throw something together real quick with no real theme... this is it.
Your tongue
Those words
My spine
Goes cold
I turn
Away
My head
Is bowed
In the end you know it's gone
Although I try to hold on
All that's left to walk from
Is the hollow skeleton
Looking
Down at
My feet
Listen
Find the
Will to
Carry
This on
Already I know what you say is all wrong
But I'll keep coming back to you to hear you sing another song
In the end you know it's gone
Although I try to hold on
All that's left to walk from
Is the hollow skeleton
Hating this
Feeling
My thoughts
Fleeting
This verse
Makes my
Heart stop
Beating
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2007-05-28, 08:30
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New Blood
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25
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yeah .. now you got it.. this is the shit..you had me from "your tongue" lol
__________________
....she trades tin pity for self respect...my angel of earth and wax.
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2007-05-28, 17:47
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Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,982
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Get rid of 'to you' in the 'but I'll keep coming back' line. Fucks up the rhythm.
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2007-05-29, 19:17
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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I never read poetry for rhythm, only the words themselves.
Melody and harmony before rhythm.
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2007-05-30, 09:22
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Forum Daemon
Forum Leader
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Posts: 4,982
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Right. They exist in vacuums.
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2007-05-30, 10:42
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Unanything
I never read poetry for rhythm, only the words themselves.
Melody and harmony before rhythm.
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why not read a dictionary? |
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2007-06-08, 08:46
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Okay.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 4,137
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Sounds kinda... emo. Got me all teary  lol
__________________
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Paddy
Chances are there have been Irish in every corner of the world, no matter how remote. Our semen is listed in the World Health Organisation's Big Book of Pestilential Materials.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by CompelledToLacerate
God, the Japanese are so weird. This HAS to be the long term effects of the atom bombs. No one is that weird on purpose.
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Gomli
The slams in that song always kill me. First time I heard that song I was like "Too much heaviness - brain collapse" but now I could murder my family to that one
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