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2007-04-25, 14:45
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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We are the blacksmiths of our fate
We forge our own chain
These old shackels have rusted over
Weakened by the rain
That gave me gosebumps it was so good. When I first read it it seemed like there was a lot of filler, but once I read it a couple more times it got more like dialogue to me and seemed to tighten up the piece.
I'm wondering if crush is the right word about destroying the chain. I think breaking it would be too drab and expected. Something more colorful would be good there.
I just made a few subtle changes.
Forged through history
These links of deception
Captivating the weak
Controlling the masses
We have a single conclusion
One solution --Cut that line to punctuate it and make it a bit different than the coming lines with "shun" sounds.
Destroy the chain
Use your brain
This is the one solution
Refuse the crutch
Take the walk
This is the revolution
This chain of lies
Once made the world burn
That time is over
Now the tables must turn
We are the blacksmiths of our fate
We forge our own chain
These old shackels have rusted
Weakened by the rain
The time has come
To crush the chain
Don't become a link
and live your life in vain.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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