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2007-04-22, 19:41
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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Incomplete Jigsaw
Code:
Through deprivation,
I come to crave,
and realise a means of simulation,
of generating a similar sensation,
to what I am without.
Empty saturation permeates,
drained into wasted effort,
sickly numbness pollutes,
crystalline streams of optimism,
hides them under toxic lather.
I fear that the truth be,
sacrifice of the crystal nature,
in order to complete,
the jigsaw of soul.
I believe I am writing my best lyrics at the moment, I have been trying to make my and grammar and language more 'crystalline' (continuing a theme from above), more kind of, I don't know, 'mathematical', and clearer in expression. I could very unclear in my previous work, and expressively crude.
Here's one I wrote a couple of months ago, and one I'm pleased with. Haven't posted in a while, so enjoy! |
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2007-04-24, 04:23
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New Blood
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 45
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Interesting, definatly enjoyable.
I think my only criticsm is that I couldn't find much flow in the latter portion, but it appears to me that you're on the right track.
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2007-04-25, 14:54
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Hi there, stranger! I wondered if you'd taken up a new world task that kept you from posting. It's definitely good to read you again.
"toxic lather" is just too cool. Loved that idea.
It seems that you're saying you're making due with what you have to fulfill a completeness, but it's still got parts that are cloudy and unattainable so far for whatever reasons.
Maybe realizing that one never quits learning as long as the mind stays healthy makes soul feel more complete.
Or maybe I'm way off on what you're getting at.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2007-04-25, 16:38
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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HAHA! I was waiting for your comment!  I think I'll be posting more as I've been composing music for the past few months. The lyrics have been very slow, but now that I've had to take a break from composing due to schoolwork, I've been 'lyricising'. 
Yeah, your first interpretation would be more correct. There are things concealed in it. It's about a very, deep internal thing in one particular person, that is hidden so deep a person can only make an outline at best of what is going on. The character has avoided specifically describing what is going on. You have a clear image of the situation, but you do not actually what the situation is.
It's like mathematics without the physics, you can have a graph, say y = x^2, but you do not know what dimensions 'x' and 'y' represent. The graph could be the physical shape of something, or could be the amount of something 'y' at a point in time 'x'. If you get that...
It's quite a personal piece, actually.
I think the fact that you have nailed exactly what I'm rambling on about is a sure sign that I'm improving.
"Toxic lather", eh? Haha... I just thought it was an appropriate metaphor.
Last edited by Unanything : 2007-04-25 at 16:52.
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2007-04-25, 22:26
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Hell, if I'm understsnding what you're writing I think it's me that's improving! lol
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2007-04-26, 17:48
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Post-whore
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Ballater, Scotland, UK.
Posts: 1,128
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Perhaps there's improvements on both parts.
Anyway, I'm gonna write another tonight and also post one.
Any more thoughts, everyone?
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