Never thought I'd post here. But heck, result from an MSN-conversation.

"Mom, dad, I'm off to school!"
*door closes*
*shotgun loads and shoots*

To us public life isn't more than one big brawl
Always throwing fists when we enter the school hall
Handing out punches in geography-class
'WHADDAYAMEANHOMEWORK, ILLKICKYOURFUCKINGASS!'

Can't evade the problems when we step outside the door
When we show our face they'll try to kick us to the floor
But! Try shit with us and receive a boot to your head
COME AND GET SOME, POSERFUCK - VIOLENCE MAGNEEEET

Af-ter school, go-to work, be-have like a total jerk
Flipping burgers, frying eggs
Annoying costumer? Break their legs!

*Over the fùcken top solo*

Can't evade the problems when we step outside the door
When we show our face they'll try to kick us to the floor
But! Try shit with us and receive a boot to your head
COME AND GET SOME, POSERFUCK - VIOLENCE MAGNEEEET

Pedestrians!
Better get down for cover when we miss our bus
Mental sanity fades, all becomes an agressive rush!
Walking back home, we'll attract more vio-lence
But 1 wrong step and you'll be impaled on the fucken fence!

Our reputation has preceded us!
Angry mob waiting for us outside our shack
Come on fellas, we can take 'em, rip their heads and break their backs!
Take this, take that, punch here and there!
Have fun for the rest of your lives, in a wheelchair!

Can't evade the problems when we step outside the door
When we show our face they'll try to kick us to the floor
But! Try shit with us and receive a boot to your head
COME AND GET SOME, POSERFUCK - VIOLENCE MAGNEEEET



Yeah.

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It sounds like angry Beastie Boys to me. If I didn't think the idea had been done to death I'd think it was okay. The flow is alright and it had a lot going on, but just nothing that really grabs me anymore.

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I'll go with the bad first, you could use better lyrical work with this piece. The good part is i loved the content the lyrics were about with a little work i think this would be a great piece.

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Well thanks for the criticism.
About the idea done to death: yes, I'm aware of that, and it was quite meant to be that way. (i.e. old school thräsh-type lyrics). It wasn't meant to be serious, it resulted from an MSN-conversation, but for something like that, I think it turned out quite well.

IF it ever gets used, I'd still have to polish it a little more.

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Just from this I'm sure if you wrote a serious song you could so write on. It's fun doing stuff like this sometimes.

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I liked it.

I found it easy to sing along with, gives you room to work a rhythym.

Only criticsm is a bit of grammar awkwardness but that might not even matter once it's all done and recorded.

The door/floor rhyme made me shudder a bit.