^ Bingo

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That lassie is quite attractive to me. Pretty face, nice boobs. Sure, if you tried to bounce a quarter off her stomach you'd never see it again but for fuck's sake lads she's an actual woman with womany bits. And if you ever wanna start a soap business you'll have married into money even if she currently lives in a modified trailer and can barely afford cotton swabs.

@Moe: is she yours?? She's way too adorable to have curdled in your coin purse. And you don't look like I imagined. I imagined you more like this:

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:...2QJiZqVCWIYEqJR

me and my daughter

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-image...ridaddy006.jpg/

Cute kid. I could probably take her on, though.

Where's the video, Req?!

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My gf and I attended a Halloween costume over the weekend. Awesomeness ensued

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awwwwwww its a BABY!

Having a kid is enough of an excuse to DELAY the video, but not enough to negate it completely. We're still expecting (even though YOU aren't anymore... HAHAHAHAHA).

Let me know how the whole having a baby thing goes. I don't think I'll ever feel responsible enough to have one. I'm not the father type, even if my girlfriend does have perfect birthing hip bones.

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Holy
Fucking
Shit that's badass

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There will be a video and PROOF

Congratulations Req

I hate to break it to you, though, but you look exactly like a guy who used to be in my class in high school who went on to become the first Mr. Gay Northern Ireland:

http://i54.tinypic.com/zx0kcy.jpg

The pic isn't a great comparison, but trust me, I was in his class for 5 years - you look like a homosexual Irishman! LOLOLO)OOLLOLOL

Is it wrong that I have half a chub right now?

As long as the chub is unrelated (aka Random Boner) then that is fine. I have no idea why it wouldn't be, though!

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Req had a kid?? lol wtf..I think we've been on this forum for too long..

Congrats.

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Yeah. I think if we submitted all of his posts to Child Services it'd be more than enough to get his kid taken away.

So Req, its been like 4 weeks or something since you've said you'll have proof - are you just going to delay it for a few months until you're able to get up to your claim?

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Well now he's too busy deleting all his posts! Good job.

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You guys and your kids. <3 I hope you all have daughters! Hey, my curse worked on at least one of my kids biologically and Bob has 2 approximately 20 year old daughters with daughters so I'd say that qualifies, too.

Nice costumes, but you ain't kidding anyone with that hefty codpiece.

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I'd rather have a daughter. She's going to be awesome and I'm going to name her Jackson. Well, I would if I ever wanted kids but I don't, I'm far too selfish and busy with cooler things.

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I'd rather have your daughter, too.

That table leg makes you look hung like an elephant.

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The last 2 posts made me lol.
I should dress up for Halloween this year. Maybe as Elvira.

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I think you'd make a good ghost. Just drape yourself in a sheet, preferably made from burlap or some dark curtains or a roll of carpet.

What should I do for Halloween this year? Any costume ideas? I'm thinking something that says scary but available. I know, I'll dress like Bobbi!!

Aye aye!

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I want to get meself a banana costume for halloween/new years eve. I think im gonna order one now
its 5:49am now an im pretty drunk actually so praobably im going to regret this

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On the other hand, if just make sure to get some pics and post them here, we won't regret it at all, so it probably balances out in the end. So, get to it. Do it.

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All women subconsciously want to have sex with a giant yellow phallic banana. Getting the costume will make your coital activities increase tri-fold.

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moe is a wise man, young Gommers, and he speaks the truth. So do not waste any more time. And pics plz.

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Hahaha, favorite drunk post ever.

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You guys are definitely a bad influence hahaha I ordered one at like 6am
Currently out of stock, it will arrive in November. Oh and you all owe me $30

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Send me your bank account details and I'll have my share in there right away.

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Gomli, I hope you bought the right banana costume. I think this one would look adorable on you.

http://www.yandy.com/Sexy-Banana-Costume.php

I'm probably going to be Mr. Bean for Halloween since everyone says I look like him anyway, pretty much going to be signing the last clause on the "never get poon" contract.

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♥ but sadly no

This:
http://www.geervdveer.nl/geer/shop/5/4248.jpg

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You and I should start a society.

I've seen pics of you, you don't look like Mr. Bean. If anything you look more like Rowan Atkinson. HAAAAAAA! Nah, I never saw the similarity. Do you have any recent pics? The only ones I've seen of you were from about 6 years ago when you were still giving your balls a comb-over.

Mother fucker I am the Bean

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Holy shit!

Dame's right, Gommers, you should cancel your order and get the one she posted.

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http://i.imgur.com/VGYfU.jpg

Plus:

http://www.media-courses.com/blog/w...01/Mr.-Bean.jpg

Equals:

http://www.baddee.com/file/pic/phot...mage001_500.jpg

Hey, what happened to your luscious, flowing locks?

long hair is annoying/gay. (unless you are a professional metal musician)

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Right on, shit gets old. Plus disables job opportunities down here

It's funny to think that age, sex, sexuality, race and creed are all [supposed to be] protected from workplace/employment discrimination but having long hair or a beard or a tattoo might prevent you from working somewhere. It's like sexual discrimination is somehow going to leave you more unemployed than being refused work for looking like ZZ Top. I know shaving off a beard or cutting your hair isn't as big a deal as a sex change (ha) but surely it's gotta be "no discrimination at ALL" or we just start allowing "NO FAT CHICKS" on job application forms.

Obviously if you're a skinhead with swastikas tattooed on your face and you apply to work at a nursery it's different, but how does long hair impede D&Q from sucking off sailors or whatever it is he does? He can just tie it back or wear a shower cap!

One place I worked they told me if someone came in for a job application and they didn't meet their generic description to just toss the app in the trash when they left. I had a real hard time doing that, but there were a few instances that I did. Mostly those were slugs that I knew really weren't interested in a job anyways.

moe, moe, moe. Poor misguided moe. I have never wanted a banana of any size for a sex partner. They get limp after a day or two. Plus if you put them in the refrigerator they turn black.

HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THAT ONE!

I want to see pictures whichever costume you get, Gomers. That's hilarious!

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word. 6mm is the way to go!

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I like letting my freak flag fly. I'm disappointed because I'm beyond the 5% gray hair to donate it, but I like having my hair down occasionally. I know when I've had it cut before and tried to braid it, it felt so weird stopping sooner than I normally would. It's like the fingers wanted to keep manipulating, but there was nothing to manipulate.

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decided to skip being Mr. Bean for halloween and be LBxxx's nephew instead

http://imgur.com/EQK92

the rifle is staying at home obviously

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You look exactly like how I picture 100% of her family. At the risk of being redundant, you also look at lot like Eddie Gein in that shot.

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Ya look just like mom minus the mustache.

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Chris, this was a Kodak moment. http://s143.photobucket.com/albums/...nsieWeensie.jpg

Yesterday I spotted the shadow and thought it was amusing, but today when I saw it I thought it was even better. I noticed my crystals make a cool web, too.

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S'funny, a few years ago I'd jump off my chair seeing that picture; now I actually have to look at it for a short while before I see what you're getting at.

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Well, quit getting so stoned and maybe you'll be sharper. I jest.

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No you don't. That was a remark meant to cause wounds.

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lol Did it work?

doggone 120 sec rule!!!

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"I jest" was intended to be a new, unrelated statement, separate from her jibe about you smoking pot. To jest, in Hickspeak, is to "hold within one's personal orifice three grapes and a clove of garlic for the purpose of warding off ghost-chimps of a malevolent disposition".

I'm not even gonna tell you what "to flundge" means, but I will tell you that it involves a plumber's tool-kit, white vinegar and baking soda.

... Yes.


Actually, Paddy's revelation shines a whole new light on the picture above.

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White vinegar, baking soda, and oxyclean is a good drain cleaner so maybe that will blow out yer grapes and garlic, Paddy. It may attract Sicilians though.


Waiting for the R word..........

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RAPE

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Nah. Paddy calls me "ridiculbobbi."

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I'm calling you "Rape".

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I'm calling you Bubbles.

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Boner?

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I'm confused. But on another note, I went grocery shopping with mom the other day and somehow my boneless, skinless chicken breasts got put in her bag so she just put them in her fridge. I forgot about them. While I was gone the other day, Bob showed up and he and his brother and dad were talking when I got home. Hubby says my mom called and said I left my breasteses (yes, he's still 15 sometimes) in her fridge. Bob says, "What did you do, mom? Shut them in the crisper drawer?"

I hate kids.

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If they were your breasts they wouldn't be boneless; hick boobs have kneecaps.

Looks like a halloween decoration that I was playing with in Target a couple of weeks ago.

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If I'd known I'd have so much fun with it I'd have hung it up sooner.

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I've stood on my own penis, I've gotten my foreskin entangled in a table fan, I've gotten it caught in my zip, I've caused friction burns and tears due to excessive/overenthusiastic wanking, I've nipped it with scissors, roasted it with hot water, gotten bleach on the helmet, been kicked/punched/elbowed/kneed in the nuts, had an infection which was so painful it made me wish it was AIDS, I've had a girl locked her jaw onto my meat through my jeans because I insulted her - forcing me to punch the back of her head repeatedly until she released me - and I've had the finger of a small plastic E.T. figure up my Jap's eye. All of these things put together still don't amount to shit compared to that pic.

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Gays in the military since 1875:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikiped...Mart%C3%ADn.jpg

You really have to assume the worst in any given situation, don't you?

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That's some pretty funny shit. I used to shave about 2 or 3 times a week and would occasionally nick my shaft. One time I nicked my shaft then got an excessively toothy BJ the next day, and that was pretty bad. In hindsight I should have just interrupted it, but god bless her, she was really trying. She always did. I've also had the aforementioned friction burns from overenthusiastic jack sessions and, for about 12 years or so, would get these awesome poison ivy rashes all over my junk at least 3 times a year.

Honestly, the poison ivy was considerably worse than the friction burns, razor nicks, or tooth jobs. You really can't even walk or do simple tasks without it bothering you. Over the past 3 years, my hypersensitivity to urushiol has largely subsided and I'm now only mildly allergic my former nemesis, Toxicodendron.

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You shaved your junk 2 - 3 times a week? Damn. I take a buzzer down there every few weeks but leave something there. And how the hell is poison ivy getting that close to your unmentionables? Are you catching snakes naked?

I find the best way to warn a girl that my penis is not a chew toy ia by politely saying something like "teeth, babe". I've always wanted to follow it up with "almost there, and remember, spitters are quitters!" but have never had the balls.

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If you're fucking an insane lady she will probably bite your dick off if you just ssay "teeth babe"

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The rash doesn't show up where you made contact with the allergen. As with most allergic reaction rashes, it will show up wherever the fuck it wants. With me, this always included the space in between my fingers and my genitals. Other places sometimes, too; face, chest, belly, legs, arms. A couple of times it focused on my face and my eyes swelled shut. That was an awesome week, too.


Yeah, but she was trying so hard I just didn't have the heart... she did get better at them, too, vis a vis learning how much shaft she could fit in her face without stripping the skin off.

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A couple years ago I was having a party at my house and my friend ended up hooking up with a girl there who was kind of... well, notorious for giving blowjobs. Anyway, the next day he wakes me up with a scared look on his face and I asked something like "How was it?" and he immediately says "You need to see my dick..." and after some debating he just pulled it out and my mouth literally dropped open and I involuntarily let out an "Ooooooooh!" (NOTE: PLEASE DON'T STOP READING THERE!). It was completely black and blue as if his dick had been on fire and someone tried to put it out with a baseball bat. Apparently she was so wasted she bit down hard a couple times and was yanking it like she was trying to start a chainsaw.

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Oh dear. Why do I read these posts? Hope your friend was ok, that sounds truly horrifying. You would think at some point he'd pull his dick out of her mouth but I guess not.

Haha, he was fine. He did end up stopping her but knowing him drunk, I'm sure he went with it far too long before he did.

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Well, as with most things on the internet, pics or it didn't happen

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Hahaha that's what it looked like!

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I lol'd. He was as plowed as her from the sounds of it.

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wow last time I had a bruise on my shlong was when I was riding my BMX down a hill and my front wheel just blocked and I was flying against the handlebar

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I have daymares about this type of thing happening all the time. Other daymares include fucking some girl who later turns out to be crazy and accuses me of rape or poking holes in the condom in a crazy attempt to get herself pregnant.

Now, I know none of these things will ever happen, but your brain can come up with some stupid shit for you to worry about when you get bored. Just to be on the safe side, though, I never, ever, touch a drunk bitch.

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I wish I had your fuckin' problems.

I didn't think something like that was possible. I'm always paranoid of tripping and falling on my full blown erection one day.

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I am right there with you. Another horror story involving the same guy previously mentioned basically involved a girl he hooked up with (wrongfully) accusing him of forcing himself on her. The police got involved and everything. The charges were eventually dropped (it was all bullshit) but the public damage was done. Poor guy was a fucking wreck over it.


I'm afraid of tripping on my own erection, too.

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Pfff some of us don't have the possibility to get laid all the time AND sober. No risk no fun. (that's what my 4 kids will be called after I got 4 drunk girls pregnant)

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LOL wtf is up with Hugozhor? I think it's Paddy, I can't think of anyone else who talks to himself as much.

Ahahaha. I think its just some dude with autism.

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I took a shitload of pics at the Tokyo Auto Show yesterday. Here's a link:

http://s30.photobucket.com/albums/c...%20Auto%20Show/

THREE MOTHERFUCKING LITRES


"after"-pics will follow tomorrow

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Apparel for the tech business.

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How many people will you be sharing that bottle with, Wolf?.. Wolf? He's gone...

Dystopia, that's exactly how I imagined you'd look - like a pedophile (though in this particular instance you look like you're about to go to trial).

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Why is it that I see whatever drama Dys i starring in ending with the words "I always relied on the kindness of strangers".

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Hah me and a friend and girlfriend downed about half. Could have gone further but shouldn't have and we also went to this bigass dance party in Ghent (30 miles from where I live) and goddaaaamn I missed this shit. In Antwerp (where i live) when you go to a breakcore party and you start dancing, after 5 seconds you have to apologize to 10 people for knocking their cameras out of their hands cause no one dances here anymore they just take pictures of themselves all night. Also, Antwerp new years eve = stabbigns (22 last year), people wired WAY too much on coke cause they took too much and they think as soon as you feel your teeth again it's stopped working (hint: no) so everyone's looking for a fight, police everywhere, crowds all over, ...


In Ghent, not a single camera to be found, didn't matter how much or how hard you bumped into others they didn't care, if you'd offer them a beer to make up for it they didn't even want to take it haha. Oh man gooooood fucking night and starting to sober up but I am literally collapsing right now. I can feel my body say "NO" to everything. Happy new year to all of you except for requiem, go fuck yourself.

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So, how ya'll spending the holidays? I added two photos to this album to illustrate my own vacation from uni.
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...=1&l=676124d0c3

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If I ever need to buy a used trailer I'll know who to talk to.

Drank way too much, slept like 6 hours with waking up every 30mins. Terribly hungover I had to carry some furniture, repair my bike that got humiliated in the night and now I'm sitting here and I can already feel the stress this year will bring. I'll finish school, I'll need a job or a place at the university, probably will move to Berlin (hate this city) and most of my friends will move away.
Without Iron Maiden I'd already be dead

BUUUUUUT we celebrated New years eve on top of a roof which gave us an amazing look on Lübeck with all the fireworks and flames wooo

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Don't worry about it, I mean my idea of what my life would be like was shattered long ago.

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I'm hoping that is a Simpsons/A Streetcar Named Desire reference.

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The closest thing I came to having any knowledge about my first job after graduation was I loved doughnuts. My next job about 11 years later was with ice cream. The next was dishwashing at a hotel restaurant and working in every department, but maintenance for the next 5.5 years. Then I cooked the next 8.5. I never liked domestic work and couldn't cook much beyond Hamburger Helper. Now I freelance write a bit. You never know. It's an adventure you can't predict sometimes.

Amadeus, how about you take down a few trees in my back 40? It needs a little thinning. It's getting way too swampy back there.

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Well, pay the ticket and a reasonable salary, sure. As it stands, though, I have enough work as it is. Most certainly, enough work as it is.



Give the man a teddybear. Dys, MT's very own Blanche.

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ehmmmmmmmm

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