Siren,

to have you to hold
worth more than gold
to have you beside me
a dream of destiny

I give myself, my life on the line
in hopes and wishes that you will be mine
to break a heart and crush a dream
to throw my life down the stream

I ask nothing of you
but all that you posess
if I can't have all of you
I won't have any less

if you doubt me worthy, all I ask is a chance
a chance to prove a worthy romance

push me away and I will fall
walk away and I will crawl

she broke my hope and crushed my dreams
never knowing what she means to me

a feeling without control
unwilling to believe, to trust
my mind rages as my heart dies
she is but a siren, this is not true lust




not my favourite rhyming format but I think this has more emotion than most pieces of mine

the chance romance thing was not good timing/rhythm
but other than that LBXXX's corny love poems would be proud

STFY you! lol You must be reading them if you're saying that. Oooo burn! But I appreciate it.

I liked it til you hit the last 2 lines. Those were awful. No, I'm kidding, but they just seemed to kill it bad. I really think with all the emotion you've put into the rest of it you can do something different there. Or at least say it differently.

It seems the same tone as "Gypsy Woman" by Brian Hyland with the longing for someone without them returning it. Maybe not even knowing the depth of the feeling.

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It's funny because both the chance/romance and the last two lines were things I added after reviewing it right before I posted.

Thank you for your crits.