In Hell

I'm fifteen miles from hell
I can feel the demons on my trail
I can see all the bodies fall
Soon I will join them all
Hounds of hell feast on flesh and blood
Soon there will be a flood
I have lived a life of death and greed
Do what you want to others was my creed
And soon I will be in hell
You thought you knew me well
But you could never see inside my shell
All of the ghosts of the past are haunting me
I tried to tell you but you would not see
And soon you will be in hell with me
We are all damned from the day we are born
All our lives we are beaten and torn
We are told that god loves us
But in reality he hates us all
And soon we will all be in hell

__________________

It's a really good idea and theme, but ease up on the rhyming a bit because it makes it sound kind of... well... tacky I guess. But I really admire the theme your going for here. It's a pretty cool and seemingly true message.

This looks so familiar. Did you post it before or maybe you sent it to me before? Anyways, it seems more lyric than poetry. The last 3 lines didn't hang like the rest of the piece even with the aa/bb, aaa/bbb rhyme scheme and then the diversion from it at the end. The wording itself seemed to fall off there. Maybe saying the same idea in a different way would hold it up more.

__________________

[QUOTE=L,B'XXX]This looks so familiar. Did you post it before or maybe you sent it to me before?QUOTE]

Yeah, I pm'ed it to you last month.

__________________

don't use the word flood in there.

is this about EBenezer scrooge????

__________________