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2007-02-28, 02:42
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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Come Sit With Me
"Come Sit With Me"
Remember spring's at hand,
flakes soon to be drops.
Our feet touch snowdrops instead of crystal,
eyes bathed in blue shifting from grey.
Your breathing is music to my ears,
Your eyes the warmth I feel.
April's rebirth soon to bring new song,
Our love in brightness instead of dark.
Come sit with me,
You're treasure to my eyes.
Fluid leaves stemming upward,
Glowing green, dancing with dew.
If at any moment you feel distant
Diminish those thoughts to dust
To blow away like fall's leaves
Across the snow.
Remember spring is coming,
Blushed charms brighten.
Snow will melt and love will grow,
Re-blooming all over again.
BJH
2/27/2007
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Last edited by L,B'XXX : 2007-02-28 at 12:28.
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2007-02-28, 03:27
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Supreme Metalhead
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 800
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good stuff. I love references to the seasons in poetry, and indeed, Spring is just around the river bend! Can't wait to sweat my ass off!! 
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by BassBehemoth
TRANZ? LLOZ.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by BOB_ZE_METALLEU
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by CannibalXampire
Everyone is wrong.
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2007-02-28, 03:37
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Life is pain.
Banned
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,510
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i didnt like the drops and drops in the first stanza but pretty cool
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2007-02-28, 12:19
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I've changed a "bathed" line because I hadn't noticed I'd repeated that. The raindrops and snowdrops I'm not sure if I'd change. Maybe "drops" since that was suggested. The snowdrops has to stay because that's a name of a specific spring flower.
Thanks for pointing that out.
Glad you guys liked it.
Edit: I redid a couple other things on closer inspection.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
Last edited by L,B'XXX : 2007-02-28 at 12:29.
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2007-02-28, 14:07
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Quantum.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,149
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...and they lived happily ever after in a land of gold and chocolate rivers, where the children have wine gum smiles and the sun is a big juicy orange.
Great feel to it though. If PST is indeed right that love isn't absolute, but something that we continously have to define if it's even to exist, then you have made a good contribution.
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Listening to Cannibal Corpse and cutting trees with a chainsaw, now that's metal
"He preferred the hard truth over his dearest illusion. That, is the heart of science."
- Carl Sagan
"Imagination is more important than intelligence" - Einstein
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2007-02-28, 18:53
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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I thank you for your input. I'm glad you got a good feeling from this.
Diving in a chocolate river sounds good!
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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2007-02-28, 22:52
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New Blood
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 24
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I liked it, and so I will give you a reply which I am semi-certain you haven't gotten yet.
When I was reading it, I pictured a variety of colors swirling in a glass object in an oval shape, and compared them to the colors of the main themes in miscellaneous music I take in. This is my thought-pattern throughout your work:
Skyfire, Lake of Tears, Skyfire, Leaves' Eyes, Korpiklaani, The Gathering, Kalmah, Children of Bodom, Moonsorrow, Noumena, Soulfallen, Iron Maiden, Iced Earth.
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2007-03-01, 00:02
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dsnt trust ne1 < 30
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
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That is indeed interesting and unique. Some of the bands I've heard and some not so I'll see if I can find some samples on you tube so I might see some of your colors. That's pretty neat.
Thanks for the reply.
__________________
My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com
-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
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