really rough, but i read macbeth and wanted to write something on nihilism!




Stiff, in your throne, tired, bitter and lifeless
Gaze out the window, through the stormclouds
Down onto the worthless soil, seeds take root
for the worthless joke of life. Grow up to their
prime, short-stayed, they decay
Rot and take back into the acursed ground.

Fear not death, she is truth, a cold dark figure
the only reality. She brings justice to the specious lie.
The old lie, the ancient lie, comfort and eternity
they are the hollowed thrones.

A View down from Darkness, onto pathetic mockery made
into flesh. All what is real is only her gift. The gift of truth,
whether it be the last drop, coughed through a raw neck
or lying in stillness, waiting for her.

End it, it has no worth, time laughs at you.
Twisting wretch, feel the spasms of justice
My hate into you, i bring you the truth, what is real
Thank me with that last twitch, the clock ticks

Tellers of the inevitable, your slow step, accurate and never wrong
Clouds the hope of eternity, the dream of slumber long

Curse life, curse time, curse this wretched suit.
This isolator, carries only the promise of end.

In blood, it is ended, and a thing so beautiful and true
is scarred by the stains of blood an rot

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CRITS!!

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Patience, dear. The second and third verse references to truth seem to go in differnt directions. To me the figure of truth from the second verse is bringing a gift of truth in the third, but that's confusing me. Maybe I'm giving a wrong emphasis somewhere.

And the second line in the third verse, is that supposed to be "what" or "that?" To me, that sounds better, but maybe it's the voice you're using.

I liked it. I think some minor word removals could work, but i'm just learning how to do that myself right now and maybe i'm just caught up in that idea myself.

Cool read. The first verse really caught me. As did--

End it, it has no worth, time laughs at you.
Twisting wretch, feel the spasms of justice
My hate into you, i bring you the truth, what is real
Thank me with that last twitch, the clock ticks


Good stuff there.

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truth in stanzas 2 and 3 are metaphors for death by the narrators opinion, if that clears anything up for ya
thanks though, i alwasy appreciate when someone takes the time to read what i write

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That's cool. I was getting that from it, but it just wasn't meshing right. Reading it again helped. Thanks.

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is LBXXX the only one?

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FUCK!

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I'm not going to crit because you alway demand that people critique your stuff. Give it some time ya impatient bastard! Maybe I'll crit it tomorrow. If I feel like it.

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And because you responded so quickly now you have to wait until MONDAY. HA! TAKE THAT!

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And i suppose you'll put it off even more now that im making ANOTHER unneccessary post! HAH!

im not making this any better for myself am i?

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Don't get yourselves in trouble with the Big Guy. He'll be back soon I'm sure.

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I'll back next Wednesday to critique this. Take THAT!
Feel free to post another comment. Then I'll critique it sometime in the year 2076.

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Ok,....... hah, i won, now you'll never crit my piece!

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bump

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It's good, I guess.

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sweet

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I said - I GUESS.

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not sweet? I GUESS?

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Fine, it's sweet. Can we move on?

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goddamnit NO

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It's okay.