This is the first song i've made in collaboration with another member of the band.

I guess that aim was kind of generic, but as a first time cooperative thing I think it came out decently, but i'm still looking for crits as to how to improve.


a faith you must deny

the feelings that will subside

the truth you cannot hide

you no longer feed the hive

-chant time-

let go, swallow

let go, swallow

--guitar doodle-

step away from the light

it no longer shines for you

fall to the darkness

you will see the end

no way to heal the blind

the truth you must find


-switch up the riff-

where the darkness leads

no one will ever know

I know where I won't go

hell is in your mind

--solotime-

heaven is now

hell is never

this life will last forever

-guitars doodle-

heaven is now

hell is never

this life will last forever

-song goes silent at the end and quickly stops-

Crits?

It seems a little confusing to me, but I'm reading it as a conflicting religious piece. That might be why.

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Well, I guess if you were to take a meaning from the song it would have to be stepping away from religion into what is unknown and trusting that you're in the good hands of fate, and not worry about time just appreciating the current moment.

I see that now with your explanation. It's not bad as just something singable, but to really get the meaning of it to promote an idea I think it needs more.
The line about the hive I thought was pretty cool. The "heaven is now, hell is never" make a lot more sense to me, too.

Thanks for the explanation.

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