Short lyric, but one of my favourites/oldest.

He Is War

He rides a mount of steel and despair
He spreads fire and hate through the air
He is without fear, a warning you will not hear
His evil grace through the human race

Death follows him where he will ride

Mortals run where they cannot hide

Destruction he leaves - poison he bleeds

Famine his brother - Pestilence the other

born of lies and hate - he won't make you wait

He is war - weep at his feet

After him there is only defeat




crits/comments?

It's pretty basic, but it has a beat to it that's like a fast gallop. Some cool music would bring it out. I'm torn about the rhyming. That can be tricky to work with when it's so in-your-face like this, but the right music could dim that to just blend.

It's not the worst I've read, but I think you'll grow more as you write more.

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Your actual descriptions are appropriate. Well done. I've just finished watching that movie Children Of Men as it is, and this just suits it, although they already got Threnody... by Penderecki on it.

i feel a lot more on this topic but it's a good beginning poem in it's own right. Lb is right in that you'll develop over time.

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Thanks for the posts guys.

The music I plan to put to this could be very well described as "in your face" or as I hope "in your head".

I think 'in your head' and '...face' would work well together, think the new Decapitated album. I think you would ruin it if you got too kind of thrashy.

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