Mirrors Facing Mirrors

Embrace our rusted treasure
Beleaguered world of dust
through cranes we reach the summit
Absorb the mutliverse
Shallow answers for existence
Dogma evolves to law
Superstition's persistence
Simmering celestial thaw

All possible routes are taken
All mistakes can be undone
Overlapping split apart
All hail the scarlet Sun

These redundant contradictions
Festering within us all
Trapped in Stone Age logic
Kneeling to the call
Zealotry, the blood red chant
False logic will impress
You evidence is scant
Society depressed

All logical faults are studied
All science is renewed
Overreaching desperate answers
All lick the poison dew

Bequeath to them a virus
An endless horrorshow
Cursed with these fuckers
Hell right here, not below

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Oh, I was so hyped on this and that derrogetory word in the next to last line blew it. Other than that I liked the rhythm of this a lot. The imagery was good, too. This is something that should have a main focus on the lyrics if it's done with music.

Nice job.

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Hey, give me a break, I rarely use curse words in my writing. Even then I try and use them for shock effect. I don't know if I managed to do that in this one. That's what rewrites are for.

Thanks for your comments.

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Well, from your tone of response it doesn't sound like you're taking it as too bad of a criticism which was my intention. It's just that from the way you wrote the rest of the piece it didn't seem necessary to use it. Not a big deal. It's still a good piece.

You keep writing and I'll keep reading them.

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The Radio Edit Version:

Bequeath to them a virus
An endless horror show
Curse of heathen pyres
Hell right here, not below


Better?

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A-Ok Glad you were not offended. I was just trying to make the perfect better.

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I don't get offended by constructive criticism. Come to think of it I don't get offended by unconstructive criticism either.
Though I don't know that the word perfect should be applied to this in any way.
Moving on...

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I love the title of this.

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That line reminds me of my days when I had very Gnostic beliefs, although I only recently learned that I had shared beliefs with the Gnostics. I believed the truth was a unification of all religions, in some way or another. I figured that Hell is not any dimension but this one itself.

I enjoyed it overall, the tone was quite informal and vitriolic in a rather appealing, you got the narrator had a real passion about what he was saying, and there was good vocabulary and imagery.

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Thanks

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