I never write lyrics like this. Any critique would be appreciated because I usually only write gore or death metal style. The song itself is black metal with a slight Opeth influence.

The track is now on the following link for those who want to listen. It's the one (obviously) called "Dreaming of Madeline"


www.myspace.com/visceralblastband




Dreaming of Madeline




Dreaming as I lie,
Here in restless slumber,
I dream of her once more,
A decomposing rose.

I dream of the fire,
The flame that burned,
In I for her,
The fire that still burns.

For she a shooting star,
Had taken me with her,
Through the air of midnight skies,
Through wind and tainted fog.

And as I now awake,
Tortured by the dreams,
There is only dusk,
That I must face alone.

Madeline,
I will slip away.
Madeline,
I will come to you.

As my anguish glid,
To the colour silver,
The frozen division,
Wept in red for her.

Yet I feel the warmth,
In this grip of ice,
Knowing she will burn,
Once more in me.

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Reminded me instantly of CoF... Very gothic sort of piece i think,

I liked that. It had a warm yet cold feel to it which you did nicely. It has that miserable longing, but offers some hope, too. You caught my attention with the rose. Opeth sounds like a really good influence to a lyric like this.

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Well thank you very much, this was not a usual style for me at all. I'll edit the song into the first post anyway later on.

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It's pretty good for a love song.

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I just listened to it. It's not bad. Without being able to understand the lyrics without reading them it could get a little boring musically. That's just my opinion so don't get discouraged. The recording was pretty tight and the over all sound was good. It just didn't grab me more as a background type song than something really forward. If that makes sense. I still like the lyrics though.

And I'm gonna hide my vegie beef soup from you!

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