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Old 2006-08-20, 22:56
Carl's Avatar
Carl
Senior Metalhead
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sweden , Gothenburg
Posts: 256
Start of a text

4 children , the younges't one died....
Little Baby dying , her mother are crying ...

All about gods will
All about gods plan


i wrote this today and i think its pritty good.....What do you guys think?
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Old 2006-08-21, 00:28
L,B'XXX's Avatar
L,B'XXX
dsnt trust ne1 < 30
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Home is where the <3 is
Posts: 8,881
4 children, the youngest one died....
Little Baby dying, her mother is crying ...

All about gods will
All about gods plan

It's a bit short to really say. It depends on where you go from here. If I think of a way to help you with some of the grammar problems you have I'll let you know. Maybe someone else has an idea.
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My eldest son's bipolar website: www.bipolarmanifesto.com

-wally: Mom, you shouldn't play after me because it makes you sound even worse than you already do. -wally:*grumbles and whispers quietly* I guess it's cuz I love you or something, but you're still a TURD
Grimm:I could read your mind but its in font size .5
Amadeus:Oh, and was there a cesserole (never mind spelling) involved?
Paddy:the fact that you didn't end up on a kids show makes me question my atheism
Dyldo: You evil strumpet!
 
Old 2006-08-21, 02:57
newHELLonEARTH's Avatar
newHELLonEARTH
slack as fuck
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Goddamn maritimes..
Posts: 3,395
I get what you're aiming for, and I write plenty of shorts, but I found it weak.
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