I see that this is rather a popular part of the forums so I may as well type up some of my lyrics. Feel free to criticise and suchlike.

I'll type up two songs that pretty much sum up the rest of my stuff.

The first is to be sung to mellower music (think Opeth's Damnation album), the second to be sung to a thrashy kind of style (think more Slayer's God Hates us All).

They're not my best, but what would be the point of wanting criticism on songs I'm happy with?

I am also awar of the bad chorus in the second song, but this is how I wrote it at the time and like it's abruptness.



Dreamscape


Verse 1

Here I am, here I stand,
In the space between.
The neverending future,
And the everlasting dream.

Verse 2

All I do is search for you,
In the truths I make.
Inside the core of my mind's eye,
Inside the dreamscape.

Chorus

Wandering in fantasy,
I will try to see.
The fact inside the dream,
That I know will never be.

Verse 3

And when I think I'm on the brink,
Of finding you once more.
The picture fades when I awake,
I lie a dreamer torn.

Verse 4

Here I am, here I stand,
A cry in the serene.
I can only find you,
When again I dream.





My Oldest Friend

Verse 1

I feel it creeping in and rushing through my veins,
This hurt this constant loss that will not be restrained.
I sit and rot alone my useless mortal shell,
My oldest friend this endless painful morbid hell.

Verse 2

The hate I feel inside is equal for them all,
The senseless mindless fucks that live beyond these walls.
The faceless cattle living out their perfect lives,
Am I the only one who can see through their lies?

Chorus (of sorts)

Then I
I wonder why
They're still alive,
When I feel,
That they should die.

Verse 3

So now I have chosen to live a life alone,
I keep my sanity when I am on my own.
I calm my nerve sometimes by thinking of the end,
But until then I'll always have my oldest friend.


Thanks for reading.

i liked em Dreamscape was awesome ...=)

In flames got an Instrumental song called dreamscape Youst to let u know

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Loved the first one. The second wasn't bad, but is the tragic life what the person feels is his oldest friend?
You'v got a nice imagery balance and flow to them. About the only thing that I could gripe about was the lives/lies rhyme and that wasn't that bad. There's too many other things happening for that to be a gripe really.
If these aren't the greatest, I'd like to see what you've written that is. Those were cool.

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Wow, thanks a lot for the feedback. I never knew Dreamscape was an Inflames song. I can't remember how I thought of it but I didn't steal it!

That's pretty much it for the interpretation LBXXX it's basically about a person who rejects everyone so is left only with his own hate.


I'll post one more here I think. This one, for me, is really trippy. I don't want to sound like a poncey arty farty poet but I'll just switch off with a pen in my hand and see what I'm thinking in my subconcious.


Unreal

Verse 1

When it's dark, and I'm on my own,
My thoughts will wander, my thoughts will roam.
And I start to imagine tomorrow.

When it starts, I lose control,
It's begins to kill me, begings the cold.
When I start to imagine tomorrow.

Chorus

Did you ever wonder?
Did you ever feel?
Have you ever imagined,
That you're not real?
I'm not real...

Verse 2

In my mind, I see myself,
No one's around me, no one else.
In the thoughts that I have of tomorrow.

Visions fade, I'm back in the room,
Then I realise, it starts to loom.
That today I'm already living tomorrow.





Thanks.

in all three lyrics I read, it seemed you re-stated ideas at least once in all of them, it's not an awful thing it's just that it didn't seem to work for me. The last one was definently your best, imagine tomorrow is definently the strongest line in the whole song, but the whole thing with the 'real' ness is somewhat cliche', but still the best. In the first, the word 'dream' was used far too much, thesaurases are wonderful just be sure to pick words that fit. The second piece ended very strongly, and the chorus was wonderful, so overall you did a pretty good job, keep writing.

Thanks sparks!

I have used dictionary.com for synonyms in the past but i tend to rely on them and when I read it back it sounds forced. I will however take the crit on board and aim to add more variety of vocabulary to a song but I'll try to use words I can think of rather than have to consult a thesaurus.

The second song I knew what the last two lines were going to be before I wrote the majority of the song, so I suppose thats why it sounds right.

But yea, thanks and I'll keep writing!

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The last one had a sing-songy sound to it that was good for what it was written about and the language was very simple. It wasn't bad. It sounded like something I might have written when I was a teen.

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