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View Poll Results: well ...
It sucks 2 40.00%
Good 0 0%
You Bastard 1 20.00%
Ok 2 40.00%
Voters: 5. You may not vote on this poll

Old 2002-09-10, 06:14
Lord Malphas
Posts: n/a
some shit I just wrote

At the Valley of Death I was..
it was a cold silent night
i had been hearing a deep sweet voice inside my head
it was calling me...
suddendly between some trees I saw a shadow...
I dont know why I couldnt move ... but I wasnt scared
it came to me and stayed there for about 10 minutes
just staring at me .. then it said "you`re the one"
i didnt understand what he meant...

later i woke up at my house... i didnt know if it was a dream or reality
i went down to the valley... I saw a lapid had my name .. a sword by the side
and a note that said : "you`re the one"
since then i havent been able to figure out what that means... but every night
i hear that voice .. saying my name ...
Old 2002-09-10, 10:31
memnoch's Avatar
The Devil
Alumni Staff
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Banging your girlfriend.
Posts: 2,541
Sounds like it could be some kind of story.....but you need to brush up on your writing skills. The whole thing sounds like you're talking to me about it, not like i'm reading it off a page.

"for about 10 minutes"

Using language like this in a song/story is very.....uh, bad.
Through me you pass into the city of woe
Through me you pass into eternal pain
Through me among the people lost for ay
Justice the founder of my fabric moved
To rear me was the task of power divine
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure
All hope abandon, ye who enter here

Against the concert of the Immortals he cannot stand alone.
Old 2002-09-10, 14:45
Lord Malphas
Posts: n/a
yeah .. I know I suck writing shit
Old 2002-09-10, 14:46
Lord Malphas
Posts: n/a
BTW English isnt my first language .. I have like 1 year studying it ...
Old 2002-09-17, 23:22
mrweijia's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 2,931
yeah, memnoch's right, it sounds like a conversation
Old 2002-10-09, 05:13
ThroneofbahoS's Avatar
Senior Metalhead
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Finland
Posts: 434
reminds me of "the Dune"
It's quite cliché... but it's good in a way... I like clichés...
and I couldn have it done better myself...
I choose"You Bastard"
don't worry bout your writing... it gets better...
meanwhile, do like this guy --->
Doom what thou wilt

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